“I mean, I’d tried before, and I just couldn’t focus my mind enough to make it work, but after what we’d done, I was lying in bed and just…just had to. It was amazing.”
His lips slowly quirked up in a smile. I was sure I shocked him with my confession.
“Sorry, I’d usually talk to Alex, but she’s been busy, and you’re my next best friend. I also figured I’d let you know it’s working.”
He took a deep breath and finished his drink before setting his glass on the bar and reaching across the space to rest his hand on mine. His smile shifted from a little forced to genuine. “I’m glad for you, Hanna. It’s what you’re working toward, and I’m proud of you for taking control.”
“It was awesome,” I sighed dreamily.
“It usually is,” he laughed.
“How often do you masturbate?”
He rubbed at his forehead with his thumb and laughed harder. “Honestly?” he asked, wincing.
“I mean, we might as well continue with the honesty.”
“Not often. I don’t have to.”
“Oh.” I sat back, the realization of what he meant hitting me. “Well, good for you,” I said, forcing a smile I didn’t quite feel. Not that it mattered because Daniel and I owed each other nothing.
“I never asked, is there someone specific you’re doing this for? I know you mentioned trying to flirt in the office today. A certain someone catching your eye?”
“Umm…” I tucked my hair behind my ear, hesitating. Why was this making me uncomfortable after I just admitted that I pleasured myself? I shook off the nerves. “His name is Sean. He was the guy at the dinner party at Carina’s. Someone told me he liked me, which I know sounds very juvenile.”
“Not at all,” he said, waving away my concern. “Do you like him?”
“I don’t know. I have a hard time letting myself get comfortable with him, so we don’t get to talk much. And when we do, I start laying down some sweet math puns.”
“Well, then how could he resist?” he joked.
“I don’t know, honestly. I think I’m kind of focusing all my attention on this and letting the rest fall in place.”
“I think that’s smart.”
“Thank you. For everything,” I added softly.
“It’s my pleasure. Sometimes literally.”
We both laughed until he cleared his throat.
“So, do you mind if I ask if you’ve tried more than once?”
“Ugh, yeah,” I groaned, dropping my head to the bar.
“Well, that sounds less promising.”
“I couldn’t…I couldn’t do it again.”
“Is there a reason holding you back?”
Well, I won’t let myself imagine you jerking off anymore, and that seemed to be the key to my orgasm. Yeah, that wouldn’t go over well. Instead, I avoided answering with a shrug.
“How about we meet at Voyeur again next week?”
I perked up. “Yeah?”
“Of course.”
“I can pay for a membership. I don’t want to take advantage of your generosity and have you miss out. I know it’s a hefty amount.”
“Don’t worry about it. This isn’t about a club membership. This is about me helping a friend.”
“Thank you, Daniel.”
“Of course. So, what do you want to do next?”
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
One side of his mouth tipped up, and he turned just enough to look at me from the side of his eye. “A lot of things.”
I breathed a laugh, brushing my hair behind my ear. “Okay.”
Taking in my nerves, he turned to face me fully. “Hanna, I want to do whatever you’re comfortable with. Feel free to use and abuse me.”
13
Daniel
Hanna: Plan something for me...Further than last time, but not by much.
Hanna: I don’t know what to do.
Her last message was what won me over.
Now I sat at Voyeur, pounding water, wishing it was vodka. Anything strong enough to calm my nerves, but I wanted to be alert for her. I wanted to do this right.
I could do this right.
The last person to ask me to do something was Sabrina, and I had regrets that still clung to me today.
Familiar green eyes flashed in my memory.
“I want to go to the formal, Daniel. Plan it for me. Surprise me,” Sabrina pleaded wistfully.
“Sabrina,” I sighed. “I just don’t want to go. I’ve got that show I’m going to with Kent. I planned this a month ago, and before I did, I asked about the formal, and you said no. I’m not canceling because you changed your mind.”
The wistfulness dropped like an anvil, and all that was left was accusation and anger. “You’re choosing Kent over me?”
“No. You know I’m not.”
“I love you, Daniel. Be with me,” she pleaded almost desperately.
I ran a tired hand over my face. “Why don’t you come with us?”
“Because I don’t want to. I want to dress up and feel pretty and dance with my boyfriend. Please. Do this for me.”
“Sabrina, I can’t.”
Anger morphed her features into a snarl, and I braced myself. “Fine,” she shouted. “Fuck you. I’ll go with Kyle. Maybe I’ll even fuck him.”
Exhaustion wore down my patience. More and more, Sabrina ran scalding hot to freezing cold, and I struggled to keep up. Too often, I found myself putting everything on hold to make her moods less drastic, and right then, I was tired. Too tired to be anything but a selfish asshole.
“You know, what? Fine. Have fun.” I stormed out, not wanting her anger to grow until it crumbled to tears. I didn’t want to be there for the long drawn out ordeal.
“More water?” Charlotte, my bartender, asked.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Scrubbing a hand through my hair, I tugged at the strands as if trying to pull the memory out. Sabrina was always with me, but I tried not to think about her too much. But the more time I spent helping Hanna, the more and more the memories crept in. It was
