“I’m not pissy.” I was beyond pissy.
“If you pout any more, you’re going to give that baby crying over there a run for its money.”
I didn’t even bother responding. Instead, I held up my middle finger and decided I’d try even harder to crush his ass. Maybe it would give me something to take my mind off of how badly I’d screwed up.
On my first turn, I got a strike. When Kent only knocked down eight, I couldn’t even find it in me to gloat.
This trend continued for the first game, adding a lot of trash talking. However, by the time we reached the second game, Kent and I had teamed up to make fun of Jackson, who had thrown more gutter balls than I thought possible. Even that didn’t take my mind off of how much I was hurting. I needed to get out of here. Maybe if I drank enough, I’d at least be numb.
“Are you trying?” I asked.
“Yes,” he growled. “I’m sorry I spent my life getting laid and not being a nerd in a bowling alley on the weekends.”
“Do you want us to get the bumpers,” Kent joked.
When Jake laughed, Jackson turned to him with an incredulous stare.
He held up his hands in surrender but couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. “Note to self, don’t let Jackson teach our kids bowling.”
“Kids?” I asked.
Jake and Jackson had been together for a few years now. Married for one and the picture-perfect couple for marital bliss. I’d known Jackson since he was a twenty-year-old kid performing at Voyeur. Over the years, he’d become like a son to me, or at least a nephew. He’d struggled, and I’d wanted to help as much as I could. I cared for him like I cared for Olivia. I didn’t have any kids, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have people I loved and cared for.
The thought of Jake and Jackson with kids made me feel like a proud father, seeing how far he’d come. But I couldn’t ignore the pang it created, that echoed through my chest like a whisper that told me something was missing with me.
“Yeah,” Jake said, rubbing the back of his neck. “We’ve looked into the process of adopting. Just looked.”
“I tried to ask Carina to be our surrogate, but Ian shot us down pretty quick,” Jackson said.
“You didn’t?” Kent laughed.
“He sure did,” Jake muttered before taking another drink.
“Holy shit. You’ve got balls, Jackson,” Kent said, wiping his eyes.
“Big ones,” he returned with a wink.
Jake rolled his eyes but laughed before turning to me. “Hey, D. How was your trip with Hanna?”
“Good,” I answered on autopilot. Despite the shitshow of the last couple of weeks, I smiled, remembering how happy we’d been that week.
I love you.
A wave of adrenaline washed over me like it had the first time.
“Good god. Look at that smile,” Kent said.
Kent had been harassing me all week about my sour mood, and I knew bowling and beer was supposed to loosen me up so I’d finally talk to him, but with three sets of eyes on me, the last thing I wanted to do was talk.
“We’re just friends.” The denial unnaturally rolled off my tongue, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“Bullshit,” Kent shouted. “I know you, and that’s a load of bullshit.”
Get out.
It actually wasn’t a load of bullshit. I wasn’t sure we were anything but a mistake right then. The hurt that had colored her tone when she told me to leave was one I’d never forget.
I dragged my hand through my hair and tugged at the strands. “It’s…complicated.”
“Daniel is in a complicated relationship,” Jackson said incredulously. “I never thought I’d see the day.”
“And with Hanna. That’s Erik’s little sister, right?” Jake asked.
Jackson whistled. “I don’t know him well, but he looks like a scary motherfucker.”
“So, are you dating?” Jake asked.
“Or just fucking? Because you don’t even fuck women more than a few times,” Jackson added.
“How serious are things?”
“How long has it been going on?”
“Does she know you care about her?”
“Oh my god, did you talk about feelings with her?”
“Does she care about you?”
“Does Erik know?”
“Does Ian know? He’s like a surrogate big brother.”
They volleyed questions back and forth, and I did my best to field them, but each one added more and more weight to my chest.
Through it all, Kent remained silent, studying my every reaction. When Kent stopped joking, things were serious. The way he watched me let me know maybe I wasn’t hiding my growing anxiety as well as I hoped.
The interrogation continued for another thirty minutes until they finally gave up and headed home. The sigh of relief was short-lived because as soon as my ball was back in my bag, Kent laid a hand on my shoulder.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” I knew he was waiting for me to meet his eyes, but I couldn’t. Then I’d be forced to acknowledge the lie. “I’m going to head home. Thanks for bowling.”
I bolted before he could stop me. Instead of another night staring at the blank TV, I headed to Voyeur.
“Hey, Daniel,” a soft voice cooed behind me. I barely turned my head to watch her perch on the stool next to me, but I saw the black hair and recognized the husky tone. Cassandra. We’d hooked up a few times on and off if we were at Voyeur at the same time, but I’d been pretty absent over the last months, hiding away in my office, thinking of Hanna. “You look like you could use some company.”
My body wanted to curl into itself, not at all able to think about touching anyone other than Hanna. Not that Hanna would ever let me touch her again. Maybe I should take Cassandra up
