I didn’t even have to think. “Yeah. I love her. So fucking much.”
“Good,” another voice said behind me. I turned to find Ian and Erik glaring, arms across their chests, legs braced like they were hitmen there to finish me off.
Erik leaned closer. “Now go fucking fix her before we kick your ass, right here, in your own club.”
“Hold on, boys,” Kent stepped in. “I agree, he’s a dumbass—”
“Thanks, friend.”
“—but let’s all calm down.”
“I’ll calm down when I see Hanna smiling again,” Erik growled.
The thought of Hanna not smiling pierced my chest, an ache blooming like blood spreading across a shirt. I hated that I’d hurt her. I hated that I hadn’t just told her I loved her when she said it to me.
“All right, boys,” Kent said. “Let’s take this somewhere less crowded so we can talk.”
We got up, and Kent led us to one of the sitting areas tucked away in the corner.
I sunk into the leather chair, digging my fingers into my eyes. “She won’t talk to me.”
“Have you tried?” Erik asked.
“Not since she kicked me out of the office.”
He lunged to the edge of his seat and bared his teeth. “Then get off your lazy ass and do something.”
“What do you want me to do?” I asked, tossing my arms out in frustration.
“Fucking apologize.”
“I did, dammit.”
“No. You need to apologize when emotions aren’t high, so she at least knows you tried, and then you need to apologize again when she’s calmed down,” Erik explained.
“And then a few million times after that, too,” Kent added.
“The point is, if you love her, then you don’t give up on one try,” Erik deadpanned before getting serious. “You make her listen, and after she hears you—really hears you, then you can make your decision on what to do next. But most of the time, they just want to be reassured you want them, that they are important enough to fight for. Show her she’s important enough to fight for. Unless she isn’t, then I’ll be happy to beat the shit out of you,” he added.
“Of course, she is.”
“Then why are you here drinking?”
“Because he’s scared,” Kent taunted.
My legs flexed, getting ready to jump across the space and pummel my best friend, but Erik’s hand on my shoulder, pinned me down.
“Listen, if you push too hard, I’ll kill you. But if you don’t try at all, I’ll have to kill you still.”
Resting my elbows on my knees, I held my head in my hands. “Jesus,” I breathed. Why was this so hard? I was almost forty, and here I sat with three men almost as emotionally stunted as I was, giving me advice on how to win a girl back. I’d never had to work for a woman, they always flocked to me.
But Hanna wasn’t just any other woman. She was special. She radiated confidence, strength, and beauty, and women like that didn’t flock to anyone. I needed to shove any insecurities aside and talk to her.
“How is she?” I asked softly.
“She’s running,” Erik said.
My face screwed up. “Hanna hates running.”
“Exactly. She doesn’t leave her office much, and she runs in the morning like she’s trying to make herself feel as bad physically as she does emotionally.”
Another sharp pierce, and my lungs constricted. I fought the urge to get up and go to her right then. I wanted to comfort her and make the pain go away. I just hoped she’d let me.
But hope wasn’t a strategy, and if I wanted to win her back, I needed a strategy.
I slowly lifted my head to Erik, who lounged back like he didn’t have a care in the world. It was going to sting to ask him for help, but my pride could join my insecurities in a dark pit. Preparing for him to gloat, I took a deep breath and sat tall.
“I need your help.”
“It’s a good thing I have an idea. But I may want to kick you in the balls before I tell you.”
“Whatever it takes.”
27
Hanna
“Are you sure?” Erik asked for the thousandth time.
I looked through the glass of the French doors at the small group of women on the other side, huddled on the couches surrounding the single chair saved for me. The pressure in my chest eased a fraction when I noticed only a few showed up. We had thirteen women housed at Haven right now, and my confidence waned when I imagined each set of eyes glued to me. I could handle the five in there.
I think.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
Erik brushed my shoulder and turned me to face him. “You don’t have to do this. You do plenty for this place as it is.”
I gave him the most reassuring smile I could muster past the nerves. “I know, but I want to. I want to use what happened to me for good. I want to control it. And I’m not only doing it for them. Maybe I need it, too.”
Just like Daniel had suggested.
Sabrina. Sabrina. Sabrina.
Each time I thought of him, her name trailed behind it like a haunting echo I couldn’t escape. Each time I thought of her name, I wanted to scream, rage—I wanted to crumble.
I’d been reduced to replaying every moment we spent together and analyzing the way he looked at me, the things he said to me, the things he did to me. Was he picturing her the whole time? Had he seen me in the past few months at all? I hated it. One small slip and everything came crashing apart. It was like taking the most bottom right piece of the Jenga game first. Of course, it was going to fall.
I overthought every single second, slowly going insane. The thoughts would keep me from sleeping, and I’d lie in bed at four in the morning, staring at the ceiling, starting from beginning to end all over again.
I’d gotten so frustrated one morning, I ran. Ran like I
