Daniel focused most of his attention on Kent sitting on his other side, and only once turned to ask for me to pass the water carafe. Oddly enough, when our fingers brushed on the handle, I didn’t jerk away like I usually would. Instead, a tingling warmth worked its way up my arm and settled in my chest.
“He hasn’t stopped looking at you this whole meal,” Alex whispered.
I looked past her to find Sean watching me. When our eyes met, he smiled and winked, pulling another blush from me.
What was he going to ask earlier? A date? Would I say no? I wanted to say yes, if for no other reason than to prove I could. But that was the reason behind me going to Voyeur. I wanted to be able to say yes to dates without fearing what it would lead to. I wanted to own my body once and for all.
Go on the dates Sofia surely would have jumped all over. She would have lived a much better life than I currently lived. She should have lived.
Shaking that off, I promised myself then and there that if Sean asked me out after dinner, I’d say yes.
Except he never got the chance because Adam got a phone call, and Sean was his DD.
I probably could have stood up and walked him out—given him a chance to ask me then. But I decided a wave goodbye was good enough, rationalizing that it would be too much of a pain to ask Alex or Daniel to move so I could get out.
It had nothing to do with chickening out.
Sean and Adam’s departure spurred more until all that was left was me, Daniel, Erik, Alex, Ian, and Carina.
I sat on the couch, holding a very chubby Audrey, playing an intense game of patty-cake, when Daniel plopped down beside me.
“You’re good with her.”
“She’s easy to be good with. And I don’t have any other chances to be around babies, so I take what I can get with her.”
“You want one of your own?”
A pang stabbed my chest when the reality of my situation wasn’t conducive to the children I did want. “Someday.”
Maybe.
The box I hid in the darkest corners of my mind rattled. It whispered that I didn’t deserve to have children when my twin couldn’t have any of her own.
“What about you?” I asked, shoving that thought down.
“Nah. I was around when Olivia grew up, and that was enough for me,” he said with a laugh. “We’re close, and she feels more like my own than my niece.”
“Yeah, maybe Erik and Alex will have babies, and I can love them as my own. That sounds good.”
“Enjoy the good times and drop them off when it gets rough.”
He lifted his knuckles.
Without any hesitation, I bumped my own against his, ignoring the flutter low in my stomach when his mouth kicked up on one side.
“Hanna,” Alex called from her perch on Erik’s lap.
I jerked my attention her way, begrudgingly pulling my attention from Daniel’s smirk.
“Have you decided if you’re going to go to Voyeur yet?”
Erik’s head fell back with a groan. He knew of the plan and firmly disagreed with it.
“She sure is,” Carina answered for me when I remained frozen like a statue. “It’s going to be epic.”
“I want to go,” Alex said.
Erik’s head snapped up, and he glared at her. “No. I’m not going to a sex club that my sister is at.”
“It’s not a sex club,” Daniel said, sounding exhausted from having to repeat it over and over to people.
“You know what I mean.”
Alex, ignoring Erik’s denial, clapped her hands together. “Oooo, let’s make it a girls’ night.”
Having all these women with me, both eased the tension around my heart and tightened it at the same time. Having my friends support me would be amazing, but it would also hold me accountable. They sure as hell wouldn’t let me back out.
“I’m definitely in,” Ian said with his best valley girl voice.
Carina gave him a hell no look and for good measure said, “No.”
“Hey,” he protested. “I can be one of the girls and gossip. We can look at hot boys and compare. Well, not you. You can look at me.”
“Oh, my god, Ian,” Carina said, but it was softened by a laugh.
Daniel heaved a sigh beside me. “Well, I’ll warn everyone you’re coming. It will be interesting if nothing else.”
4
Hanna
“I’m just waiting for Daniel to see me and kick me out,” Olivia said, stretching her neck to look over the crowd.
I looked too, under the guise of helping her keep an eye out. I hadn’t seen him in the entire hour we’d been at Voyeur. Maybe I was so eager to see him because he would be one familiar male face in a sea of unknowns.
Yeah, that was it.
“He can’t kick you out. It’s girls night,” Carina chimed in.
“He’s probably hiding in his office,” Oaklyn added. “He usually does on Saturday nights.” She would know since she’d worked here during a semester of college.
Olivia rolled her eyes, annoyed with the possibility of Daniel ruining her fun. “One of his rules was that Kent didn’t bring me here. But Kent isn’t here, so as long as Daniel doesn’t get weird out here in the lounge with some woman,” she gagged for effect, “We should be good.”
“I thought my relationship was weird,” Alex muttered into her drink.
Olivia hitched her thumb Oaklyn’s way. “Can’t beat the teacher fucker over here.”
Oaklyn slapped her shoulder. “Shut up.”
“I think it’s safe to say we all push the boundaries with our relationships.” Carina held up her glass in a toast. “To kinky relationships.”
We clinked glasses, and I sucked the last of my margarita through the straw. I even swished around the ice to get every last drop. I both loved and hated the two-drink maximum. I could easily give in to my nerves and get drunk, but the rule kept me in check and helped me stay sober, making me aware
