Emma wished it were that easy.
“For that I am grateful, but I am not certain what has me confounded. I merely feel indifferent with regards to this ball. I was not invited personally, and I do not wish for the the Duchess of Waltham to think I merely made an appearance without an invitation,” Emma answered.
“Do not fret, Emma. The duke and I personally sent a message to the duchess, informing her that you will be my guest,” Kitty answered. “Please do not worry that you are not wanted.”
Emma nodded quietly and turned back to the mirror.
“If there is something else on your mind...”
“Perhaps it would be better for me to leave the estate. I feel as though I may have overstayed my welcome,” Emma admitted, the half-truth causing her some ease.
Kitty carefully placed the two gowns on the bed beside her and approached Emma.
“Such nonsense you speak, my dear Emma. You are always welcome here,” the duchess said and took both her hands. “Why would you think such a thing?”
“You were married mere days ago, and I am certain you wish to spend time alone with your new husband. My presence is clearly causing you two to inconvenience yourselves,” Emma explained. “I certainly do not wish to make a nuisance of myself.”
“That is not possible,” Kitty assured her. “I adore having you here, and James does not mind at all. He merely wishes to ensure I am happy. And even if we wished to be alone, his brother and sister are always at the estate. It is their home as well, and I have grown accustomed to their presence.”
Kitty glanced at Emma for a moment and her gaze narrowed. “I have an idea as to why you wish to leave.”
“You do?”
“It is because the duke forced you and William into the study to settle your differences. You are still upset with him, and that is why you wish to leave,” Kitty answered with a nod. “I assure you that his intentions were of the noblest, and he only wished for you and William to cease your squabbling.”
We certainly managed that, at least for a few minutes...
“I am not upset with the duke,” Emma answered and lowered her gaze, staring down at her hands resting on her lap.
“Then what is it?” Kitty asked and knelt before Emma. “Please, tell me.”
Emma glanced down at her friend, a woman who had become a duchess, and cocked her head. She wished with all her being that she was able to tell her what was truly in her heart, but she knew that she could not. She sighed wearily and pursed her lips.
“Is it William?” Kitty’s sudden question caused Emma’s body to jolt, and her heart to pound in her chest.
“Did William say or do something that made you feel unwelcome?” Kitty asked with concern.
“His lordship did utter a few things that caused me to be upset, yes, but that is not the sole reason,” Emma admitted.
“What did he say to you?” Kitty asked.
“It does not matter,” Emma sighed and stood from the stool.
She walked towards the bed, glancing down at the gowns carefully laid out. The blue gown reminded her of William’s eyes, the bright blue pools she had drowned in whilst their limbs were intertwined on the desk in the study.
She still felt the warmth of his breath on her neck, sending waves of delight through her.
However, it was only a memory.
A memory that would haunt her for the rest of her days. That would stay with her, reminding her of her cowardice.
“I was under the impression you and William spoke and settled your differences.” Kitty shrugged as she rose to her feet.
“We did.”
“Then why are you so intent not to tell me what he said?”
Emma bit her bottom lip and turned to her friend. “He told me that no man would ever want me.”
“Emma—”
“Please,” Emma said as she raised her hand. “Allow me to finish.”
“Very well.”
“He continued to tell me that no man would wish to marry me or have anything to do with me once they learned how strongly I felt towards equality, in regards to the role of a woman in marriage, the household, as well as in life. Men do not wish to compete with women for power and control.” Emma pursed her lips as tears threatened to form in her eyes and she drew a deep breath. “Perhaps Lord William is right. Perhaps I will never find a man who loves me as I am.”
“Lord William was angry and upset. Your argument could be heard from down the hallway. Anger makes one say things that we do not normally mean, or say something with the intention of hurting someone, whether it is the truth or not.”
“He meant it. I could see it in his eyes,” Emma whispered.
“What does it matter what Lord William thinks? You are a strong young woman who does not concern herself with the opinions of others,” Kitty said, sticking her nose in the air.
Emma laughed and wiped away the tears that had fallen.
“I am aware. I simply don’t understand why Lord William’s words affected me so much,” Emma sighed.
“My dear friend, if I had known, I would not have allowed James to invite him to the ball tonight,” Kitty cringed. “I am sincerely sorry.”
“It is most certainly not your fault. Lord William and I...” Emma’s voice trailed off as she thought of many words that would complete her sentence, but she couldn’t share any of them. “We will keep our distance from one another tonight, I am sure. And if we happen to find ourselves in one another’s company, we will attempt to be civil.”
Kitty cocked her head and smiled at Emma. “This evening, all the eligible bachelors will flock to your side, and you will forget about Lord William’s words,” Kitty smiled with assurance. “Now, which gown?”
Emma forced a smile and glanced at the bed. “I have always been
