The duchess sighed. “I cannot even begin to fathom what you’re going through, my dearest Emma. I truly wish there was something I could do to help you.”
“There is not a soul alive who can do anything to make this go away.”
“Not even William?” her friend asked.
“Especially not Lord William,” Emma muttered.
“Will there ever come a time when you will tell me exactly what happened between you and him?” Kitty asked her.
Emma stared at the duchess for a moment and sighed. “Perhaps it is time I told you everything.”
“Only if you wish, Emma.”
She nodded and approached her bed where the duchess was seated. She sat beside her friend and pursed her lips. “Perhaps it is time for me to tell someone, and I would much rather it be you than anyone else.”
Kitty smiled with encouragement and sat quietly while Emma drew in a deep breath.
“As you are aware, my introduction to Lord William was nothing short of disastrous, to say the least, and we despised one another. We did not wish to be in each other’s company at all. We avoided one another as best we were able. When the duke locked us in the study, we argued and said rather despicable things to one another. Then something happened that I still cannot explain. Something rose up inside me and...”
“And what?” Kitty asked. “Was that when you threw a book at him, as the duke told me?”
Emma chuckled and shook her head. “I did not throw a book at him. I would never throw a book, Kitty.”
“That was my initial thought as well.”
Emma inhaled another breath and whispered, “Lord William and I were intimate, on the desk. The books toppled over due to that.”
A cringe formed on the duchess’s face for a moment and she pursed her lips briefly. “I certainly did not expect that.”
“Nor did I,” Emma admitted. “It happened, and as much as I tried to convince myself that it had been a massive mistake, I could not. In actuality, I couldn’t stop thinking of him, and I scolded myself for doing so. He is most certainly not a man whom I would usually spend my time with. He was everything I hated and despised in a man, and yet, I fell in love with him. I attempted to convince myself that I was mistaken and that what I felt could not possibly be love, but...”
“Love comes when we least expect it, Emma,” Kitty pointed out.
“I am aware of that.”
“And the rumors of you and William at the ball?”
“Those are true, and I do not regret it in the least,” Emma sighed. “At that moment it was exactly what I wanted. He was perfect, despite my head telling me that he was wrong for me.”
“And why would your head tell you such a thing?” Kitty asked.
She sighed and lowered her gaze. “William is certainly not the kind of man who would usually pique my interest. I will not deny that he is handsome and charming, because he is, but his beliefs regarding how a woman must behave are not something I share. That is not something I can simply overlook, Kitty.”
“Perhaps William had changed his views?”
Emma couldn’t help but chuckle. “A man as stubborn as Lord William does not abandon his beliefs, especially not for a woman.”
“At what stage did you decide to follow your head inside of your heart, my dear friend?” Kitty asked and cocked her head in question.
Her shoulders slumped.
“I was on the brink of admitting to him that I had developed feelings for him, but then he arrived at my parents’ townhouse and did something rather ludicrous,” Emma told the duchess and chuckled bitterly. “The foolish man asked me to marry him.”
“He did?” Kitty exclaimed. “What did you say? Why did you not tell me? When did this happen?”
Emma was momentarily stunned and overwhelmed by the duchess’ numerous questions and bit her lower lip. “It happened nearly a week ago. He arrived at the townhouse and insisted on speaking with me, not worried about my father’s threats if he were ever to come within a block of me, or the townhouse. William told me that he was sorry and he wished to make things right. Then he asked for my hand.”
Kitty was practically bouncing on the bed in excitement. “And what did you tell him? Does he know of your trip?”
“I had not decided on the trip at that stage. The idea only came to me the next day,” Emma answered. “I declined to marry him, as I was well aware he only suggested it to rectify my tainted reputation. It was not a proposal filled with love. It was a proposal of pity and filled with his own guilt. It had nothing to do with what I wanted. It was only his need to feel less guilt within himself, and I refused to be a part of that.”
“He was not the only one at fault, Emma,” the duchess pointed out gently.
“And what does that mean?” she asked defensively.
“Both you and Lord William are adults and the times you were intimate were consensual, were they not?”
Emma would never lie about that. “Indeed.”
“Then it is partly your duty to assume some of the responsibility that goes along with the act.”
“Kitty, whose side are you on? You are supposed to be my friend,” Emma rolled her eyes.
“I am your friend, which is precisely why I can be honest with you. I am not on anyone’s side. I only wish for both of you to realize that despite all your differences, in both opinions and morals, there are only two other people
