“C’mon, Dad, we’ve got a wedding to get to… who invited you anyway,” I joke and kiss him on the side of his head as he grips my hand.
“You done us proud, boy. You always done us proud,” he wheezes, silver showing in his eyes and a tremor in his voice.
“Would you do us the honor?” Trudi asks, suddenly taking Will by his other hand, “Would you give me away?”
“And would you be my best man?” I ask him at the same time, making his head spin and his smile shine wider than ever.
“I thought you’d never ask!” he exclaims, and we make our way to the little chapel in the hotel, part of the original building which I had restored for today, and for every other day that guests need the space to use.
Some people would say their wedding day was a blur, that the week leading up to it was too. For me, for us, it’s been the most romantic, intense and exhausting week. But for all the right reasons.
I haven’t let Trudi out of my sight and she’s on me like white on rice, but we never get on each other's nerves and every day is just as exciting as the first day I saw her, walking up those stairs and seeing her fine behind, almost winking at me. Daring me to claim her as my own.
I don’t feel nervous about our life together, far from it, I’m looking forward to it more than anything. And as my dad says his little speech, the one he just happened to have prepared, I look deep into Trudi’s eyes and I feel like every hardship I’ve faced, very pleasure I tell myself I’ve known, it was all leading to that magical moment when I met her and I knew that she was mine.
My one and only. Me her first and she my wife.
The mother of our children and my partner in everything.
My Trudi.
EPILOGUE
Trudi
“I dunno, Kane. It might’ve been that fish last night, but I just feel like crap…”
“Then, I’ll cancel the meeting. I’m not going there without you, it’s your project,” he says, and I give him that look.
“And it’s your company… Our company… You go, I’ll be alright. I’ll just curl up on the couch here and die.”
Kane drops everything and rushes over to me, gripping me by the arms, “Don’t you even think it, let alone say that… now. I’ll go to the meeting, but only if I know you’re gonna be okay,” he says, the worry showing on his face as I only consider whether to throw up on my knees this time when he goes or standing up.
I haven’t mentioned it to Kane all this month, but I’ve been sick every morning, and most times after I eat, late at night… anytime really. I thought it was the flu or something like that, but when I did the math it made me smile. When I missed my period I started shopping online for baby clothes and blue and pink paint.
A little bug I don’t mind have growing in me at all.
I want to be sure though, I know how much it means to Kane to start a family, and for me too. But every time I look at the test kit in the bathroom, I get scared. I get worried. I get all those feelings about not being good enough, about my baby body, about all kinds of weird and wonderful, hormone-fueled things.
You know you’re pregnant, just do it to double check.
Once Kane goes out to the meeting, and once he calls me from the lobby to tell me he’s leaving, then again from the car to tell me he’s on his way to the meeting, I figure I’m safe. I figure I’m alone, for a few hours at least.
I take some deep breaths, suddenly not feeling so sick anymore, wondering if it's all in my imagination, wondering if maybe I’m just wishing I was pregnant. I read a lot of articles about women who get so convinced they need a baby, they actually get signs of being pregnant.
Being fat isn’t a sign…
Yeah, but throwing up every five minutes can be, so I’d better check, just to be sure it’s not something else.
Oh god! What if it’s something else!
Just do the frikin’ test already.
I remember how it felt that first time, how even Kane seemed to just ‘know’. I’ve lost count how many times we’ve done it since then.
How many times a day, you mean…
If anything, it’d be a miracle if I wasn’t pregnant. But here goes nothing…
I feel nauseous again, but I pee on the stick, then I wait.
And I wait some more.
Then I can’t wait because I worry.
I put the test in the drawer without looking, leaving the bathroom to pace the penthouse, doing a few laps to try and clear my head.
All of the memories of Kane and our time together run through my mind, all his encouragement and his help. But most of all, I think about the changes in me. How I’ve grown so much as a person with his strength to support me, with his love to nourish me.
Then what am I so scared of?
It hits me like a lightning bolt, and I start to cry. I don’t feel like I’ve changed a bit all of a sudden, the one thing that’s plagued me since I can remember is even following me to the start of my own family.
What if the baby looks like me? What if it’s chubby?
I know what Kane would say if he even heard me thinking that, let alone saying it, but I have to be honest. I know how hard it is growing up big. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
I wish I had someone else, a mom or even a dad, someone who’s already had kids. Somebody who could talk me through this.
I wish Kane was here…
Like the magician
