Her hand, which has been absently stroking the sleeping kitten in her lap, scoops him up and sets him down on the floor. Then she gets up and sits on the couch with me. On the far side, with her knees pulled up, and her arms wrapped around them, but still on the same couch. Progress.
“I got scared. When you talked about the holidays, and family, it scared me shitless.” I take a long swig from my water, buying time to sort through my thoughts. “When you’re inside, you learn fast that hope is weakness. Hope is disappointment. Hope is pain, even crippling sometimes.”
“I think I understand that,” she says in a soft voice and my heart swells a little. “I don’t mean to compare myself to you, or your experience, but 9/11 was the day I was set free and yet for the eighteen years since then, I’ve been scared to hope. I’m scared still.”
The day she was set free was the day her husband died.
I’m starting to get a better understanding of the woman I saw with her arms spread and face to the sun. Much like I did when I stepped out of the gates of Rockwood Penitentiary. Feeling the clear air in my lungs and freedom on my face.
Perhaps we’re not so different, she and I.
I stretch my arm along the back of the couch, my fingers lightly brushing at her hair.
“I am too,” I admit, dropping my hand to her knee. A sigh of relief escapes me when she covers it with hers. Still an arm’s length away, but infinitely closer. “Do you think we could try this again? Maybe wading in instead of diving off the cliff?”
A smile stretches over her face and her gorgeous eyes, glinting silver with a sheen of tears, meet mine.
“I’d like that.”
Fuck, now I can feel my own eyes burning as that hope blooms inside my chest once again.
I lean over and kiss the top of her hand before I get to my feet.
“Where are you going?” she asks, looking surprised as she stands up as well.
“Home, so I can plan our first date.”
She smiles at that.
“I’m off tomorrow,” she offers.
“I’ll pick you up for dinner at six.”
Instead of claiming her smiling lips with mine, I press a kiss to her forehead and walk out the door.
But that smile stays with me all night.
Chapter Fifteen
Robin
This is ridiculous.
I discard yet another outfit onto the pile forming on the floor of my closet. The man has seen me naked, had his hands and mouth on my not so glorious curves. Those same curves are currently giving me a headache. Somewhere in the past few years I guess I’ve packed on a few pounds, because none of my dressy clothes fit anymore.
They date back to when I was casually dating Andrew, and I haven’t really had reason to wear them since. God, I can’t believe that was eight years ago. Time flies, and after the painful misunderstanding around the state of my so-called relationship with Andrew, it seemed safer to not date at all.
Until now.
I blow the hair out of my face and contemplate what’s left in my closet. I snag a lonely pair of black jeans off the hanger and shoot up a little prayer they zip. They do, but now I have a little muffin top where my belly bulges. Oh, for fuck’s sakes. Get a grip. I resolutely turn my back to the mirror and reach for a black V-neck T-shirt and a colorful duster cardigan that has seen better days.
My sudden nerves about dinner with Gray have nothing to do with how I look or what I wear, but those make for an easy distraction. Now that I’m dressed, with fifteen minutes to kill before he gets here, the real issue resurfaces.
He’s shared a lot, both about his history and his thoughts. I’ve dropped hints about my past—he knows my marriage wasn’t great, which is more than most—but there’s a whole lot I left out.
Dinner out implies conversation and I know the idea is to get to know each other better, but there are some things I keep close to my chest for a reason. Heck, I’ve known Kim almost as long as I’ve lived here in Beaverton—she’s a good friend—but she doesn’t even know what little I told him. My mother knows some, but my daughter doesn’t; at least not from me. Yet I get the sense someone as intense as Gray won’t rest until he has answers.
My phone rings, and for a second before I check my call display, I wonder if perhaps Gray is cancelling, but it’s Shirley’s new number.
“Hey, lady. How are things?”
“Have you seen or heard from Mike?”
She sounds rushed and I’m instantly on full alert.
“No. Why?”
“The boys called. Their father contacted both of them yesterday. Apparently he stayed with his brother in Midland for a while, but was talking about coming back to Beaverton. They said he sounded desperate and claimed he wanted to make things right with me. He was trying to milk the boys for information. Almost two months he’s been silent, but I knew it wouldn’t last forever.”
“Oh, shit, Shirley. Look, I was off today but maybe call Kim? At least to give her a heads-up.”
“Yeah, I will. I’m just worried he’s going to bother you guys at the diner.”
“You worry about yourself, we can take care of things here.” There’s a knock at the door and I start moving in that direction. “Does he know where your aunt lives?” I glance through the peephole and see Gray on my doorstep.
“Last time he saw her, she was still living in Ann Arbor. I can’t remember if I told him she moved to Grand Rapids. I don’t think so.”
I open the door and wave Gray in. Fuck me; he looks
