“Let’s watch something mindless on TV,” I suggest, finally pushing away from the counter. When I notice he’s not moving, I walk over and take his hand. I sit down on the couch and he sits beside me. “Unless you want to talk,” I try.
His unreadable eyes meet mine, a spark of heat burning through when I put my hand on his thigh.
“Nothing to say.” His voice is raspy, the way it can be when he first wakes up.
“Okay,” I decide to concede instead of forcing him to speak.
Hopefully giving him some space he’ll eventually feel comfortable opening up. His reaction is not just about anger; I get the sense it’s about pain. Maybe if I open up first.
I grab the remote, find an old episode of Criminal Minds, and pull my legs up under me. Then I coax him to put his head on my lap so I can massage his scalp, something I’ve discovered helps him relax.
“My husband was an accountant,” I start softly.
He tries to lift his head but I push it back down, never changing my soothing touch as I explain the history behind his first glimpse of me last September. The hand he has resting on his thigh occasionally clenches into a fist, but he doesn’t make another attempt to lift his head.
Not even when I’m done talking and my eyes drift back, mindlessly watching whatever is on TV.
“Paige didn’t know?” he finally asks.
“I didn’t want her to, but it turns out she remembered enough to know he wasn’t a good man. Killed me to fill in some of the details.” Then I snort at the irony. “Seems we were each trying to protect the other.”
“Probably shouldn’t say this.” Gray suddenly sits up and places his hands on either side of my face. “But I’m glad the fucker is dead.”
“Me too,” I admit a second before his mouth slams down on mine.
I groan at the loss of his lips when he ends the kiss too soon. I’ve missed getting lost in him.
“Can we go for a walk?”
I’m a little surprised at the request.
“Now?”
It’s dark outside and it’s probably cooled off quite a bit, but there’s a plea in the way he looks at me, so I don’t argue and get to my feet. Zeus lifts his head briefly when I pass the chair he adopted as his bed. We shrug into our coats and shoes and make our way outside.
It’s gorgeous. The cold temperature comes with a beautifully crisp, clear sky filled with stars.
One of the perks of living in a small community, a fair distance from any large cities, is the amazing night skies.
“Zip up,” Gray grumbles, turning me so he can close the zipper on my coat, tugging my hood over my head. Then his large warm hand closes over mine and tucks both in his coat pocket.
We head down the driveway to the road. There are trails behind the house but it would be too dark under the tree cover. There are hardly any cars on this road and this way we can see the stars.
“It’s easier to talk out here,” he finally says when we’ve been walking for a bit. “Not enclosed. It still bothers me sometimes. Gets my heart rate up. Makes me anxious.”
My hand warmly in his spasms at his confession.
“I like walking,” I say clumsily, but he seems to understand what I’m trying to express and gives my hand a squeeze.
“I lost it today.”
Sensing he needs to share at his own pace, and afraid I’ll blurt out some other inane comment, I keep my silence and wait him out.
“I didn’t hear them coming,” he says, so low it’s hard for me to hear. “Three of them. I hadn’t been inside for forty-eight hours yet. Fucking cell block C.”
My hand is getting sweaty in his big paw, not liking where this is going.
“They got me from behind and I was shoved face-first into the shower wall. One of them was ready with a balled up shirt he stuffed in my mouth when I opened it to yell. Pinned against that wall…fuck…I knew what was coming. I’d heard the taunts. Fresh meat.”
I hear a whimper I realize is coming from me and his hands squeezes mine again.
“They didn’t. Didn’t get the chance. A guard walking by must’ve had a feeling something was off and came in to check.”
I can feel a shudder run through his body.
“Never turned my back on anyone after that. Never.”
“My God, Gray…”
“Lost my temper earlier, flung a glass at the wall and Francisi was pinning me.”
“From behind,” I fill in, and turn my head to find his eyes on me.
“Yeah.”
“You went back there,” I conclude.
“Sure did.”
“That’s understandable.”
He stops us and pulls our hands from his pocket, bringing them up to his chest. He curves his other hand around the back of my neck and drops his head until the tip of his nose almost touches mine.
“Is it? I’ve been so repressed all these years, so controlled, but lately it’s like all my emotions have been unleashed. I can’t rein them in; anger, fear, even love… shit… What if I hurt you?”
“You wouldn’t.” I grab his wrist firmly and pull myself up on my toes so our noses touch. His eyes hold mine with an intensity that makes me want to cry.
“I couldn’t,” he finally admits. “You’re the light at the end of the tunnel. You’re sunshine and fresh air. Jesus, I’m fucked up beyond imagination, but you look at me like that and make me feel whole.”
Instead of tears, I feel a smile spread over my face.
“Good.”
I lift my face and kiss him sweetly. Then I turn and start walking back to the house, his hand still in mine.
“Robin?” he says.
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
I turn my head and find the truth of his words
