“Wow,” Rocco said when I didn’t answer. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not know how to handle Florrie. That’s gotta be a record or something.”
“I may not get her back this time.”
“You can’t think that way, man. It’s too soon to give up. I mean, the shit that just went down, you can’t let that get to you.”
“Believe me, I’m not giving up, but I’m realistic enough to see when I’ve lost. I’ll fight with everything I have, even knowing that I’m slamming my head against the fucking wall.”
“That’s the spirit. Just do me a favor, next time you slam your head against something hard, go get checked out by a fucking doctor.”
“What’s wrong? Your skills aren’t up to par?”
“No. You’re just fucking heavy and I’m tired of dragging your ass back here.”
“You’re all heart, man.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHTFlorrie
An entire day passed. One whole fucking day where I just stared around the house, feeling so fucking empty without Reid. I thought I would get to see him again. Cap had mentioned something about him stopping by for his stuff, but instead, I got a note from the Fullers asking if I would pack up his stuff and have it sent over to where they were staying. They weren’t going to let me say goodbye properly.
I was so conflicted. He said he wanted to go, and even though I was pretty sure that it was all a lie, I couldn’t help but wonder if part of him did want to go. They were his real family, and as much as it grated on me, I knew that family trumped everything else. In the end, I would be someone that he knew for less than a year. In a few years when he was older, he would look back on his time here as a time of transition. He might not even remember me anymore.
The longer I sat in my house that I shared with Alec, the more I wondered why the hell I was even still here. I should be out finding a new job or finding a way to get closer to Reid again. Even if I just got a job near him in Utah, at least I might still see him. He wouldn’t forget me. But if I went out there, would the Fullers even let me see him? I would look like the crazy lady that couldn’t let go. Besides, Cap said that he would have OPS watching Reid. If I went out there and practically stalked him, how would it look to the judge? Would that hurt my chances of getting him back?
I felt like I had a huge hole in my chest right now, and it wasn’t just because Reid was gone. My relationship with Alec felt broken, and I wasn’t sure how to get back to where we were. He had made a decision for me that changed my life in such a profound way that I didn’t think I could ever forgive him.
“Florrie.”
I ignored him. He had been standing in the doorway for a good five minutes, just waiting for me to acknowledge him. How was I supposed to talk to him after he betrayed me like that? How was I supposed to stay in this room with him, knowing that what we once had was gone?
“Florrie, talk to me. Please.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Anything. Just don’t shut me out. We can get through this.”
My head snapped up and I glared at him. “We? So, now there’s a we?”
He sighed and walked into the room. “There’s always been a we.”
“Funny,” I laughed, “it didn’t seem like there was a we when you kept making decisions that would change my whole life.”
“He wasn’t ours, Florrie. He never belonged to us. I know you want to think-”
“Oh, so now you’re going to tell me how to think? You have no idea, do you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I was told I couldn’t have kids. I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I knew that this was my life, but then Reid walked in and everything lined up perfectly. He fit perfectly with us. He completed us.”
Pain filled his face and he reached for me, but I didn’t want his touch. I yanked myself away from him and moved to the other side of the room.
“Florrie, we were good together, just you and me. We didn’t need someone else to make us perfect. Can’t you see that? I know that you’re hurting right now. I am too, but it’s always been us that made it all work.”
I shook my head, not wanting to believe what he said. In one way, it was so hurtful to make it sound like Reid didn’t matter. But I knew that wasn’t what he was saying.
“I can’t just forget that he was here. I can’t forget that he was such a big part of my life.”
“I’m not asking you to. I know that no one can replace him. I feel it too. I fucking miss him too. I want him back more than anything, but I also know that he’s in a good place.”
My teeth gritted together as I restrained myself from snapping at him. If I had to hear one more fucking time about how this situation was best for Reid, I would snap his neck. I couldn’t take his altruistic attitude toward Reid. It was like he thought he was his savior, guiding him down the right path in life.
“You know it never would have worked for us to run. We aren’t criminals, and that’s no life for a kid. And what would happen when Reid turned eighteen?
