“She looks more like the fairy godmother from Cinderella,” Katie said to me under her breath. “Or Mary Poppins.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Hilda said, looking directly at Katie. “However, in the future I would appreciate if you kept the snark to yourself.”
Katie gulped loudly. “I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize. If I could remain hidden from humans, who knows what I would say.”
“I don’t know,” I said to her. “I don’t know anything about what you’ve said since you came over here.”
“Of course you don’t, dear. That’s because you are doing this all wrong. Samantha told me all the details over email, except for one. Now, tell me, how did you come across the recipe you use now?”
“We went to a curiosity shop and got it from a witch there.”
“A female witch or a male warlock? Please be precise.”
“A warlock named Frank,” Samantha said.
Hilda looked at the ceiling with an exasperated look. “Of course it would be Frank,” she said. “He’s been trying to lure a goblin for ages. Of course, he doesn’t have the right recipe. Goblins would never go for sweet and savory pie. It’s rubbish.”
“How do you know Frank?” Katie asked.
“He’s the only registered witch within a ten-mile radius, so I had my assumptions. He’s been petitioning to get into the high council for years. Never much cared for him though, so we’ve been sending him on wild goose chases.”
Katie frowned. “That’s not very nice.”
“No, it’s not,” Hilda said with a small shrug. “However, I could not deal with that man working with me for the rest of eternity. He’s so droll. Now, please tell me you aren’t trying to harness a goblin for his toenail clippings.”
“What does it matter?” I asked. “We paid. Now give it.”
“You didn’t pay for anything dear, now did you? It was all your friend, the one who shows great potential.”
“I do?” Samantha asked, looking surprised.
“Of course, dear, you have a real gift with witchcraft. I can feel it dripping off you. If only you could keep your focus for more than a moment you might get somewhere.” Hilda turned to Katie. “Let’s take a look at you. I suppose you promised your ectoplasm in return for his help, did you not?”
“I did,” Katie said.
“It’s a very painful procedure, you know, harnessing your ectoplasm. You must be wrung dry for an hour over a boiling cauldron. Most unpleasant. I doubt you would have agreed to it if you knew the risks.”
“Yes, I would have, because I’m trying to save the world.”
“And now we come to it,” Hilda said. “I suppose you are talking about closing your little rift between Earth and the Dark Place, right?”
“We are,” I said, nodding.
“The afterlife is a terrible place, which is why I plan to live forever,” Hilda said with a small laugh. “Of course, this tear is nothing to worry about very much. They usually heal themselves in a week or so.”
“This one isn’t healing itself,” Katie said. “It’s getting bigger.”
“Is it now?” Hilda cocked one eyebrow. “That is concerning.”
“Can you close it?”
“Of course I can, my dear, but will I? That is another question. There are many other things that require my attention.”
“And this doesn’t require your attention?” Samantha asked.
“My dear, you have no idea what powers seek to destroy us even now. This is my fifth highest priority, maybe sixth. Call me when the rift is the size of the national mall.”
“If you’re not going to do it, then tell us. How do you seal it?” Katie asked.
“Well I suppose I could,” Hilda replied. “You just need the right paste, ground from goblin bones, troll mucus, and dragon fire, and bound together with ectoplasm from a ghost.”
“We don’t have any of those things,” Samantha said. “Except the ectoplasm.”
Hilda pulled a piece of paper out of her coat. “Well, this should get you started. Instructions on how to really catch a goblin. Watch out though, they are very tricky.”
“What do you expect us to do with it once we’ve caught it?”
“Kill it, of course.” Hilda looked around at our horrified faces. “You won’t be able to kill it, will you?”
“Why not?” Katie said.
“Well first, just look at you.” Hilda chuckled. “A ruddy lot, and not stone-cold killers, are you?”
We looked at each other, but we knew the answer to that question. “No.”
“I didn’t think so,” Hilda said. “No bother. I have a solution for you. If you bring me a live goblin, I will in return give you the ground up bones you require. Deal?”
Samantha nodded. “Deal.”
“We’re still delivering a living being to its doom, though, aren’t we?” Katie asked.
“You ate chicken, beef, and pork while you were alive, didn’t you?”
“I guess so,” Katie replied.
“This is no different,” Hilda said.
“That’s depressing,” Katie said.
“But true.”
“We’ll do it,” I told Hilda.
“Splendid. Then I will talk to you soon.” And with a snap of her fingers, she vanished from the table, leaving us all shaking our heads in wonder. We looked around the diner, but it didn’t look like anybody noticed what had happened.
“Can I get y’all something to eat?” A short waitress sidled up to our table. Katie moved away as the waitress walked through her. “Ooh, what a shiver. Now, maybe I can get you some chicken fingers, or eggs and bacon?”
“No,” I said, scooting out of the booth. “I think I’ve lost my appetite.”
Chapter 26
The instructions Hilda gave us said that we needed thistle, barley, chicken broth, eggs, and newt eyes. The first four things were easy to find, but the last meant we needed to stop back by the only witch store we knew and talk to Frank.
After school the next day, we paid his shop a visit. Samantha walked in first, and Frank’s eyes lit up for a moment. They fell flat when he saw we didn’t have the cage.
“Oh,” Frank said. “I thought maybe you would
