“There’re so many,” said Maddy. “Everything was fine and then they just swarmed out of nowhere.”
“It shouldn’t be a surprise,” said Tosco. “Portsmouth was attacked in the same way. They’re smart enough to know that their advantage comes with numbers.”
“But still, what made them suddenly attack this place?”
Ted prodded a dead demon with his sledgehammer. “The last time they attacked us like this was when they were being led by a larger demon. We took care of it, but a gate opened right beneath our lake and something came through. I think that’s responsible for this attack.”
Sorrow flapped his wings. “Lord Amon. I sensed his influence in the broken minds of these demons. Lord Amon sent them to attack this place.”
Ted huffed. “There you go then, I was right.”
Tosco, clearly unsettled by the ten-foot demon stood next to him, shook his head and appeared confused. “You know other demons? What? Did you used to throw keggers in Hell?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” said Angela, kneeling over a burnt man and giving it a slap on the cheek. She straightened up and shrugged. “It was Hell, after all.”
Sorrow studied Tosco with his usual deadpan expression. “I do not understand your words, human. I speak many languages, but you appear to speak one partially unknown to me. What is keggers?”
Tosco raised an eyebrow. “I was asking how you know this Lord Amon, or whatever his name is.”
“He is a brother. One of Hell’s most wicked and vile. We fought side by side in the Wars of Heaven. When I fell into the pits, it was Lord Amon who raised me up into salvation.”
“Sounds like you’re good buddies, so what the hell are you doing out here with us? Shouldn’t you be on Lord Amon’s side of things?”
Sorrow snarled, a predator’s warning. “Amon sides with Crimolok, who seeks to undo all of creation – including my ward, Scarlett. Lucifer opposes him and so do I.”
Tosco seemed to waver between horror and disgust. He held a rifle, but fortunately he didn’t raise it. “The devil’s real?”
Maddy huffed. “Did you have any reason to doubt it at this point?”
“I guess not.”
“I never met the devil,” said Angela, “but I had a run-in with his bastard offspring. Snot-faced little shite.”
Now that Sorrow was talking, the demon seemed inclined to carry on. That was fine, because Ted was interested in what the demon had to say. “Lucifer led a war against mankind because he refused to bow down to humans. Many of us joined him, not out of hatred for humanity but for our love of Lucifer. He was the best of us, the most beautiful and pure. When the war was lost, and many of us fell, Lucifer regretted damning his brother to the pits. In penance, he gave us dominion over Hell and the freedom to do as we wished. After our servitude in Heaven, this was a great gift, but it was also a mistake. Many of my brothers grew callous and bold without God’s love to guide them. They filled Hell to bursting with humans they blamed for their imprisonment, torturing them for all eternity. Lucifer’s mourning at the mess he had made lasted millennia, and he preached the error of his ways to all who would listen. I listened.”
Angela spoke up. “What’s the deal with homosexuality? Why does that get you a ticket to the bad place? Love is love, right? Who cares which genitals get squashed together?”
Sorrow’s wings ruffled. “Such a thing does not damn one’s soul.”
“Then why did I get sent to Hell? Don’t tell me it was an admin error.”
Sorrow stared at Angela in silence, his black wings continuing to ruffle. Eventually he nodded slowly, as if confirming something to himself. “June 2007, you drank an entire bottle of whiskey and got in your car to buy more. When you backed up, you killed your neighbour’s cat. You never admitted to your crime, even as they wept on your doorstep. August 2008, you defiled your grandfather’s gravestone after drinking cider in a graveyard.”
“He was a dickhead.”
Sorrow didn’t acknowledge her and continued with his list. “March 1997, you wrote Geri Halliwell a highly sexualised email suggesting she was by far the most talented Spice Girl and that she should go solo. She later followed your advice, which did not pan out well for her or anybody else. Later, you–”
Angela threw up a hand. “Okay, okay, I get it. I wrote my own ticket. Please stop.”
Sorrow nodded. “As you wish, gay priest.”
Ted had intended to stay silent, but he couldn’t help himself now. He wanted to go back a few steps. “Sorrow, were you trying to tell us Lucifer is a good guy?”
“Lucifer loves humanity. He has walked among you since the days of Jesus, who showed him the error of his ways. At first, I sensed him here in this place, but now he is gone. Where, I do not know. I miss his presence. It is like the disappearing of the sun.”
Tosco opened his mouth, and it didn’t seem like he was going to say anything nice, but Damien got in first. “It sucks to lose people, Sorrow, but I’m glad you’re here with us now.”
Sorrow stared at Damien for several seconds, almost like he didn’t understand the words that had been spoken to him. Then he moved away, swiping off the head of a demon when it got up off the ground and leapt at him.
Tosco curled his upper lip. “It’s stupid keeping that thing around. It’s a demon. It’s one of them.”
“They’re not all bad,” said Angela. “There was this one who used to whip me on Tuesdays that told the dirtiest jokes. Hey, what do you get when you cross a baboon with a journalist?”
“I
