“Anyone else?” said Mass. “Like I said, I’m all ears.”
“And biceps,” said Angela. “If I were twenty years younger, still alive, and not gay, I would let you use me for a workout. That aside, I don’t want to see you throw your life away in vain. We have to make sure you go to Hell, sweetheart.”
“Cheers. Look, the gate is massive. If I go down on the winch, it should be easy to swing me into it from above. The demons below won’t be able to reach me.”
Smithy shook his head. “You sure you want to do this? We get this wrong and you’ll be forever known as piñata boy.”
Mass shook his head, realising he was going to miss all of the lame jokes. “What’s to lose? Crimolok will destroy the universe if I do nothing.”
“Good point. Okay, so we’re going to do this then?”
Addy nodded. “Sooner we do it, the sooner we give everyone at Portsmouth a chance.”
Mass had to swallow his guilt. He couldn’t tell them that it was all over for the people of Portsmouth. Crimolok might not be able to destroy the universe, but he would remain in Portsmouth, angry and determined to exterminate all that he could.
Mass exhaled, another wave of sickness washing over him. “Somebody show me what I have to do.”
One of the pilots left the cockpit and helped Mass get into the harness. It felt secure, which was good, even though he intended on swinging to his death anyway. He gave everything a tug, making sure the equipment would hold him. He’d lost a little muscle mass recently, but he was still a thick piece of meat. “Okay,” he said once he was satisfied, “I’ll leave the manoeuvres up to the men with the pilot licences, but the plan is to swing me until I pass inside the gate, right? From what I’ve seen, that’s all it’ll take. I’ve seen plenty of gates close, and it’s always instant. Soon as a living soul passes through the lens, kablooey.”
“Let’s hope there’s not a brick wall on the other side,” said Smithy.
Mass realised that his hands were shaking. “Okay, let’s do this before I lose my nerve. No goodbyes, no advice, let’s just get it done.”
There was a moment’s silence. Even that was more than Mass could bear. He grabbed a handhold and pulled himself over to the sliding door. He looked at Addy and gave a nod. She yanked open the door, letting in the wind and forcing everyone to hold on.
Mass moved into the opening and stared at the ground below. It felt like they were barely moving, almost floating above the earth. The helicopter descended gradually, the trees, buildings, and wrecked cars slowly getting larger in the glow of the gate. The mass of demons got larger too. There were thousands of them down there.
The gate was huge.
Mass placed his toes over the edge. His stomach was in knots. Acid burned his throat. The wind lashed at his cheeks. It was time to jump.
Any second now.
Just jump, man. Get it over with.
Okay. I’m going to jump. Watch me jump.
It’ll be fun.
Just jump. One step, that’s all.
This is embarrassing.
“You sure you want to do this?” Smithy asked. “Like, are you one hundred per cent sure that you want to jump? Stick a needle in your eye sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure! I have to do this. I’m not going to change my—”
Something struck Mass between the shoulder blades and shoved him through the door. As he fell, he realised that Smithy – the sonofabitch – had pushed him.
That git!
Mass’s stomach lurched into his throat as he became weightless. He screamed like a terrified baby. Why people had ever jumped out of helicopters for fun, he would never understand. Nothing was fun about falling.
The rope won’t catch me.
I’m going to hit the ground.
Mass’s free fall was halted by a sudden, painful jolt. The seams of the harness bit into his groin and armpits, threatening to cut him into pieces. He swung back and forth in the glare of the helicopter’s searchlight and twirled round and round. Bile leapt up into his mouth, and he spat it at the demons a hundred feet below.
That went well.
Now comes the hard part.
The cable was short, only ten feet long. The rest of it was still coiled around the winch. Once the helicopter got low enough, the pilots would extend the cable.
Then they’re gonna swing me around like a vinegar-soaked conker.
Fuck my life.
Vamps, Rave, Ginge, if you can see me now, you better not be laughing.
The gate was directly below. Mass strained his neck to get a look at it. It popped and hissed angrily, almost like it was aware of what was happening. The demons looked up to the sky and screeched. Somehow, they knew Mass was there, dangling in the sky two hundred feet above their heads.
Look all you want, bitches. Unless one of you has a jetpack, you ain’t getting this sirloin.
Mass had been given a radio. It was secured inside a pocket at the front of the harness. It crackled and Addy’s voice came through. “How you doing down there, mate?”
“Just hanging out. Everything going to plan?”
“We’re going to lower you down in front of the gate. I’ll stay on the line.”
Mass’s stomach lurched again as the cable unwound. At the same time, the helicopter descended. It was like free falling again, but this time he had more trust in the harness and the winch.
There was nothing to do but wait, so Mass filled the awkwardness by whistling. It was something he used to do a lot when he was bored as a kid.
Addy chuckled over the radio. “What is that? Lady in Red?”
“Was the first thing that came to mind. Got any requests?”
“We Are the Champions?”
“Seriously? All right, then.” Mass whistled the bits he knew and then fell silent. The gate was right below him now, just slightly ahead. Another ten metres and he’d be directly in line with
