“Mrs. McKelvie, you should have sent a boy to tell me our guests had arrived.” Euan Ardmillan admonished playfully.
“Ye know yer not too old te go over my knee m’lord!” Mrs. McKelvie retorted, and then I heard Euan’s light laughter and a witch-like cackle from the elderly housekeeper.
I was amused by their repartee. Mrs. McKelvie had ruled the hall’s kitchen when I visited thirty years ago, in fact, she had wet nursed Euan as a babe, and so, with Lady Ardmillan dead forty years, Mrs. McKelvie was the matriarch and considered part of the family.
“Yer nice gentleman friend is in the Great Hall, Euie.” The housekeeper said affectionately,
“The other guests have retired to their rooms. I’ll send in tea and set out the lunch buffet in the dining room.”
“You’re a treasure, Mrs. Mac! What would I do without you?” Euan praised. I then heard the tip tap of shoes on the flagstone floor.
Remembrance
Before I could prepare myself Euan Ardmillan stood in the doorway to the Great Hall. A wicked part of me had hoped that he had filled out and become bloated and ravaged by his debauched, sinful lifestyle, but no. Euan Ardmillan may have aged, but he had done so gracefully and somehow, he had become more attractive. I wondered if, like Oscar Wilde’s character Dorian Gray, Euan had done a deal with the devil and there was a vile portrait of him in the attic that absorbed his sins. Euan’s frame was still boyishly slender, but his blond hair had faded to silver and was worn to his nape. I knew him as a fresh-faced youth, but now he sported a well-trimmed silver beard that gave him a rather regal air. His blue eyes still sparkled with the mischief of youth and when he smiled at me I was that boy again—a boy so entranced he was unable to resist falling into Euan’s arms. But no, I was determined that I was no longer a sinner. I stood ramrod straight and remembered my place.
“Good afternoon, Lord Ardmillan. I would like to convey my deepest sympathies for your loss.” I said respectfully. “I am sorry it has taken such a sad event for us to meet again.”
“Ah, come now, Ben. You know as well as I that my father was an old reprobate and the world is better off without him. We’re not on show! Let’s be done with the formalities,” Euan said, marching towards me.
“It has been long, far too long,” He said pulling me into an embrace. I was horrified. Euan had not known me to be afflicted with this fear of touching for I had been extremely tactile when we were lovers. But that was thirty years ago and I had closed myself off to all intimacy. I was shocked by his lack of decorum. We were in a public hall and there were other guests and staff. Any could wander in and see me wrapped in the arms of the new Lord. The scandal could ruin us both. But Euan’s embrace felt…good, warm, and familiar and the swirl of affection long-denied stirred in my gut. A tear leaped to my eye as Euan placed a tender, whiskered kiss to my lips and then stood back. I should have been appalled and embarrassed by how informal and intimate he was behaving with me, but as Euan held both of my hands and took my measure I was still that tongue-tied boy who had been so overawed by Euan’s interest that I allowed him to lead me a merry dance.
“Age looks good on you Ben.” Euan grinned.
“I can’t believe I am the one to go grey while you still have your lustrous black locks!”
“It’s a family trait.” I said almost apologetically, “My own grandfather retained his hair color until well into his seventies.”
“A few years to go until we are both silver foxes then!” Euan laughed. He let go of my hands, and in all honesty, I did not want him to. The immediacy of our reconnection was startling and not unwelcome. I’d harbored secret thoughts of Euan for many years, pined for him even. But I knew my longing would do me no good, in this life or the next. The sound of footsteps and the tinkle of china brought me back to myself.
“Please, sit, warm yourself by the fire.” Euan invited. I took one of the chairs by the hearth and Euan seated himself in the other. The butler who entered the hall carrying a tray of teacups and accouterments put the tray down, moved an occasional table closer to us, and laid out the tea things.
“That will do Rennie, thank you,” Euan said as he reached for the silver teapot. The butler nodded, and retreated, closing the huge carved timber doors behind him to give us privacy.
I sat pensively with my hands clasped in my lap watching the flames dance up and down the stack of pine logs. Euan poured two cups of tea and I heard him slide my cup across the table. Minutes passed where the only sound was the crackling of burning logs.
“Losing my father has made me think deeply about my past actions.” I looked up to see Euan had rested his head on the back of the chair and was speaking with his eyes closed. I longingly mapped the contours of his face, the shifting light of the flame dancing upon his skin. Gods, I had adored that face for most of my adult life.
“He had many regrets in his latter
