“I’m sorry, Pidge. If you don’t want this, I won’t do it, but I think it’s for the best,” I tell her, and she butts her feathered head against my chest. I run my fingers over her soft angled ears and give her time to show me what she wants. The elation she felt when the call went out to each of her mates flashes in my mind. She shows me the rightness she felt when the call was answered, and I can feel her contentment radiating through me.
But then image after image of Zeph’s, Ryn’s, and Treno’s angry faces, their mouths warped as they spit hateful words that hurt not just her, but me as well, flow in my head like a river of pain. Their secrets and rejections wrap around our heart until we don’t feel like us anymore. Pigeon tears at the hurtful bindings with her razor sharp beak and shows me pictures of the two of us flying and talking and laughing.
I smile and feel a tear slip down my cheek. “I want that too,” I tell her, burying my face in the soft feathers of her neck. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make them love you the way you deserve, Pidge,” I tell her quietly.
She drops her head on top of mine, and we just sit like that for a while. Both of us mourning the loss of what will never be with our mates and accepting our future without them.
10
I step out of my newly acquired pants and set them aside gently. I just got them, and I hate that I’m being asked to abandon them so quickly. They’re a little big, but it’s better than traipsing around in an oversized shirt, free-lipping it, and trying to pretend like the crotch rot from not bathing in weeks is no biggie. Now at least the chafing rash caused by my thighs rubbing together from too much evil walking can finally start to recover.
I pull the weird tank top dress down from the top of the screen I’m changing behind and slip it on.
“Why haven’t you explained how underwear works to the Ouphe-Sentinels of this world?” I ask Wekun as I pull the maroon fabric down over my ass until it falls to my knees.
I step out from behind the screen and motion to my weird outfit. “Why do I have to wear this, again?”
Wekun doesn’t look over, as he’s too busy positioning the big fluffy cushions on the floor of the corner of his tent. I take it that’s where this whole rune restoration thing is going to go down, and move toward him.
“If this works, it’s not going to feel good. Your body is going to behave like it’s going through an awakening. You’ll thank me for the lack of restrictive clothing,” he tells me over his shoulder.
“I won’t thank you if my vagina’s business is being flashed to the whole camp,” I retort as I sit on a cushion and yank the hem of my tunic tank top down.
“I’ll be the only one in here; your vagina and its business are safe with me,” Wekun declares on an amused snort.
I watch him as he continues to make a pillow nest. In my past life, I would have taken his words as a challenge. He’s good-looking, nice, probably knows what he’s doing between a girl’s thighs. I would have relished the opportunity to make him see me as desirable and then happily walked away when I had gotten what I wanted from him.
But now, I must have turned over a new leaf, because I find myself not caring whether Wekun sees me as anything. It’s almost a relief in a weird way that he doesn’t care, that he’s not flirty or subtly pushing boundaries.
I sigh and wonder if I’ll ever be the same after all of this is over. Once these mate bonds are broken and this war is over, what am I going to? I guess I could live in the Eyrie, give all the houses there running hot water, or maybe I find a little patch of land and build a cottage and collect...fuck, they don’t have cats. I try to think of the alternative to a cat lady spinster, but I don’t know if there is one here.
I pause, contemplating if fairies like to be kept as pets, and then internally facepalm because I’m an idiot. Wekun can travel between worlds, so he can take me home when all is said and done. If I break the Vow, then I’ll have done what I promised to do and there would be no point in staying in this world anymore.
I could leave.
The thought sends me reeling. I don’t have to be stuck here. I’ve been searching for a way to get back and here it is, standing in a pile of pillows. Astonishment rocks me, and I suddenly find the words to beg Wekun to take me home sitting on the tip of my tongue. I stop them from spilling out. The realization that I can leave all at once feels a little too counting your chickens before they hatch. First the mate bonds need to be severed, and then I need to actually figure out how to break the Vow. Once all of that is done, I can bring up my plan to Wekun. I’m sure he’d be happy to help, it’s what he seems to be all about.
“Okay, how does this work and what should I do?” I ask, ignoring the nervous wobble I hear in my voice.
“Lie down here,” Wekun instructs, patting the pillows in the center of his nest. “I’m going to put my hands on you in search of a thread of your magic. If I can find one, then I more or less tug on it and see what I can unravel—”
“And if you don’t find a thread?” I interrupt to ask.
“Then I may not be able to do anything. I won’t give
