I can’t read the look on Ryn’s face, but it’s definitely not amusement or anger or any of the things I thought I’d see when bringing up his sister and my plans for her.
“My sister is dead, Falon,” he tells me, a hint of unease in his tone.
“Wait. What?” I demand, sitting up and studying his face for any hints of deception.
Ryn sits up too, obviously concerned by how upset I am. “I thought you knew. I ripped her head off before her blade was even off your throat.”
“What?” I ask again, my tone high-pitched and disbelieving, like I no longer speak the same language and have no idea what he’s saying. “But I wanted to kill her,” I confess quietly, as all my plans for vengeance just fall out all over the floor and start to wilt.
Of all the scenarios I pictured in my head, her already being dead was never one of them. Ryn’s words steal the wind from my retribution-taut sails, and I have no idea which direction to steer in now. Thoughts of killing Loa have been a driving force in how hard I’ve been training and working to master my runes and abilities. Yes, breaking the Vow and surviving a Gryphon war has been a factor too, but I had big plans for that bitch.
I mean, I just spent an hour perfecting my evil smile so that it would be just right for when Loa and I met again.
Fuck!
Ryn pulls my pissed off and distraught ass into his lap, and I’m reeling too much to object.
“Falon, I can see that you are not happy, but I woke up and Treno was yelling. I looked over to see Raquel press the knife to your neck, and then I just reacted,” he tells me, his hand soothingly caressing my back while the other does the same against my thigh. “She didn’t see me coming until it was too late, but you were bleeding and pulling at my life force, and all I could do was rip her apart for hurting you, for betraying us.”
Ryn pauses like the pain is still fresh and lapping at him, and I hate that I can still feel the knife cut into my skin and smell Loa’s disdain like it’s still in the air. He brings a hand up and runs the pad of his thumb over the scar at my throat, and I close my eyes and breathe through the rush of feelings it stirs in me.
Pain, fear, sadness, and regret from the memory of what happened war with the warmth and adoration Ryn’s touch tries to entice out of me.
“Zeph broke in and scooped you up. He was nearby to help extract us and the others that were going to join the Hidden. But everything went wrong when I was on my way to get you, to tell you it was time to go. I didn’t know about Treno. I knew you grabbed his attention, but I’ve known him my whole life, and nothing has ever kept it. I didn’t realize that you two had called to each other,” he tells me, his voice suddenly softer, a touch gruffer.
“Maybe I was too focused on trying to ignore my own reactions to my mate and our unfulfilled call to pay attention to what was happening. I’ll have to live with that.” Ryn’s thumb traces my scar again, and I realize that he blames himself for its existence. “After I killed Raquel, and Zeph had you, I grabbed Treno. He was suffering the most, we think because of your newly formed connection, and then we ran as fast as we could before we were too weak to move like you and Treno were.”
His accounting of what happened pulls me back into the moment that I’m sure will haunt me until the day that I die. The feel of the metal against my throat, the warm blood pouring out of me, knowing I would be the death of the others, it’s hard to sift through. I wanted to be Loa’s reckoning, but Ryn got there first, and technically he bears the bigger scars from her betrayal, even if his wounds are on the inside.
“I’m sorry you went through that,” I tell him, placing my hand over his on my chest as he traces my scar, his eyes filled with torment and despair. “I’m sorry she betrayed you.”
Ryn closes his eyes and leans his head against mine. Just like with Treno the other day, I’m hit by the realization of what Ryn has been suffering through.
A flash of what he looked like as Lazza slowly choked him to death, and the fear that I felt when I thought he had succeeded, strikes through my mind. And then I see him grasping at the threads of our mate bond as I try to sever it, and he tries to reattach the broken bonds to his chest.
No, this... This will be what haunts me until the day that I die. I had my reasons, and I thought they were right at the time, but I will never get the image of his desperate tries to keep us connected out of my mind. We’ve all fucked up on such epic levels, and yet here I am in his lap, being comforted and trying to comfort in return.
Maybe it wasn’t all for nothing.
“I thought she was dead. I never suspected for a second that somehow she survived and chose Lazza over me. She liked him as an eyas, but...”
“She was a fucking psycho. I thought she loved you and that’s why she was oddly protective, but then she just watched as Lazza was killing you...I’m glad she’s dead. And I’m grateful to you for protecting me.”
“But I didn’t,” he argues.
“Yes, you did, you watched out for me in Kestrel City, made sure I was okay. I thought it was Treno, but Sice and Dri were your guards. You’re
