“Oh, come on. You’re only on your second pint. You’re not that cheap of a drunk.”
“Personally,” Roxanne said, “I think the baked bananas are a bigger deal than the strawberries. Slicing up strawberries takes a minute. Baking bananas requires more effort.”
“But less hands-on time,” Gloria countered. “No, strawberries are inherently romantic. If a guy serves you strawberries, he knows what he’s doing. Bananas might have been meant as a dirty joke. Like, he wants you to bake his banana.”
“What does that even mean?” Amber asked.
“Who knows. I just made it up.”
“Anyway,” Roxanne said, after raising an eyebrow at Gloria, “this guy definitely has a crush on Amber. On that we agree.”
“Yep.” Gloria took a swig of her beer. “Amber, this guy wants you for more than your hot body and great skills in the sack. I’m positive.”
“And you definitely want him, too,” Roxanne added.
“Have you not been listening to anything I’ve said?” Amber curled her hands in frustration. “We’re fucking, and we like each other’s company. I don’t want anything romantic.”
“Then why have we been talking about this for twenty minutes?” Gloria demanded.
“Hey, this wasn’t my choice of conversation.”
“But you keep adding interesting details.” Roxanne crossed her arms over her chest. “I think you secretly want him, but you’re in denial.”
“My thoughts exactly,” Gloria said. “The reason you keep bringing up all the things he’s done—”
“Is because I’m drunk!” Amber protested.
Thank God she had enough presence of mind not to mention the cake decorating class.
“I don’t buy it,” Gloria said. “You enjoy being teased about this guy because you liiiiiike him.”
“Stop it,” Amber said, without any force behind her words.
She most certainly did not enjoy all this teasing...did she?
She doubted herself for a moment, then shook her head. Nope, she didn’t enjoy it. Time for a new topic of conversation.
“Hey.” The voice was lower than either Roxanne’s or Gloria’s.
Amber turned and saw a man standing beside her, with glasses and a rather cute nerdy look. He ran a hand over his face, as though nervous.
“Hey.” She smiled at him.
“I...uh...can I buy you a drink?” He gestured to her nearly-empty pint. “What are you drinking?”
Amber’s instincts when it came to men had failed her many, many times in the past, but she was older now, and she was convinced she was getting better at this.
And this guy seemed sweet and looked like Chidi from The Good Place.
However, she didn’t feel even a flicker of interest.
“Sorry,” she said kindly. “I have a boyfriend.”
“Really, she does,” Gloria piped up. “It’s not just a line. I mean, the guy’s not officially her boyfriend, but she sleeps over at his place—”
“Only because of the blackout,” Amber said.
“—and he makes her romantic breakfasts.”
“They’re not romantic.”
“Tell me.” Gloria turned to the man. “If you made French toast with baked bananas and strawberries for a woman who spent the night, would that mean you had romantic feelings toward her?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“See, Amber?” Gloria grinned triumphantly. “Told you.”
The man returned to his friends on the other side of the bar.
“Do you and Sebastian have any cute nicknames for each other?” Roxanne asked.
“I bet you call him Sebbie, don’t you?” Gloria said. “How sweet!”
“I don’t think he’d like that,” Amber said.
“Nah, I’m sure he’d find it cute if you called him Sebbie.”
Amber felt her lips curve into a smile, then quickly put a stop to that instinctive facial expression. Her friends would read too much into it.
“Have you done lots of dirty things together?” Gloria asked. “Did you grapefruit him?”
“Um....”
“Didn’t you see Girls Trip? Is his dick so big that it requires two grapefruits?”
Amber found herself considering the size of an average grapefruit relative to the size of Sebastian’s dick...then told her brain to behave. “I’m not dicknifying that with a response.”
Gloria slapped her hand against the table. “You said ‘dicknifiying’!”
“No, I said ‘dignifying’.”
“Gloria’s right,” Roxanne said.
“It’s the alcohol.” Amber nodded at her glass. She was getting sick of all the teasing, and her friends were delusional. “Hey, there’s a play I want to see in Toronto next month. Anyone want to come with me?”
“You could bring—” Gloria began.
“No, I’m not bringing Sebbie. But you could ask Syd. Things are still going well, right? And you’ve reached the six-month mark now?”
Amber was pleased things were working out for Gloria. But her and Sebastian? That wasn’t the same.
* * *
When Amber got home on Saturday after her family’s Chinese New Year dinner, she brushed her teeth, changed into her pajamas, and snuggled under the covers, phone in hand.
Hey, she texted Sebastian. You’ll never guess what happened tonight.
She stared at her phone for two minutes, willing it to vibrate.
What? he replied at last, and she couldn’t help smiling.
You know how my family always plays Pictionary at Chinese New Year? Zach’s new girlfriend got “shaft,” and she drew an enormous picture of a dick. In front of my entire family.
LOL. Were your grandparents scandalized?
Yeah, I think they were.
How did your team do? he asked.
I wasn’t on a team. As the only one who wasn’t part of a couple, I got to be scorekeeper.
Which she hadn’t minded. It meant Zach didn’t bug her about her drawing skills.
She suddenly realized she’d spent her entire drive home looking forward to telling Sebastian about a Pictionary game. It didn’t mean she liked him, but... Her excitement about telling him was disturbing, nonetheless.
Time to make this sexual.
She opened the top drawer of her night table and sent him another text.
Speaking of big dicks...
* * *
Wednesday evening, Amber saw Sebastian again.
Thursday evening, she was sitting in front of her TV, watching a baking competition and trying to decide what to crochet next.
Sebastian had liked her little peacock. Maybe she could make something for him. But what would be best? Which animal was his favorite?
Okay, she had to admit that she liked Sebastian a teeny-tiny bit as something other than a friend. She was thinking of doing a crochet project for him, which wasn’t the sort of thing she did for Gloria or
