Sighing, she’s already changing the subject, but I take the bait for now, and reply, “Mother is a more grown-up name for you now, but you will always be my Mama and sometimes even my Mum.”
“That’s better,” she smiles at me, taking my hand and leading me inside, Cara follows us and we leave the door open to the terrace in our wake. She squeezes my hand, gaining my attention as we walk, “What’s going on, Lillie? You’ve been distant for months. Normally I can read you, but lately, you’ve put a wall up, even Lachlan has been complaining about it. Don’t get me started on your father.” She rolls her eyes and I try to suppress a smile and fail miserably. Mama smiles and asks, “Talk to me, Lillie, I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. What’s on your mind? Can you feel your panther? Are you worried about your first shift?” She pulls me into the kitchen, over to the island where Maith’s chocolate, chocolate cake sits encased in a glass dome and I watch as my mother grabs two plates and forks, a cake knife and server, and lifts the gleaming glass dome. The smell of sweet chocolate invades my senses.
I go get a couple of glasses out of the cupboard and some cold milk. Nothing goes better with Maith’s chocolate cake than a glass of cold milk. Sliding the glass in front of my mother, I’m not sure where to begin. I watch as she slides my slice of cake to me, and I say hesitantly, “I think … I think I need some time to figure things out.”
“Can I help?”
“I’m pretty sure this is something that I need to do on my own. This isn’t something that anyone can help me with.” I say, as I fill my mouth with a large piece of cake and moan in unison with my mother. She looks over at me and we both laugh, covering our mouths with our hands in an almost identical gesture. Maith’s cake is just that good. Hating to break the moment of bonding, I continue, “Like I said, I need some time away to work through some things.”
She gives me a penetrating look before asking, “Lillie Joanna, what are you getting at?”
My mind made up, I say, “I just need some space. Time to figure out what my role is, time to figure out who I am when I’m not…” I pause, not sure if I should continue, not wanting to hurt her.
“When you’re not what?” She asks curiously.
“When I’m not standing in your shadow.” I say quickly, watching as my words sink in and I begin shaking my head as my beautiful young mother tries to understand, and I quickly continue, “Mama, I love you and Da, but I have to find my own way. It’s not your fault, the way I feel. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be, what my role is. I need to get away for a while. I’m conflicted and not in a good way. This has been coming for some time. I’ve just been in denial. I want to go to The Mortal Realm and stay at your old homestead, for as long as it takes for me to figure things out.” There. It’s out. I’ve said my peace.
My mother is utterly speechless, and I watch as multiple emotions go to war with one another across her face. She pulls me into a tight embrace and asks, “What do you need from me, Lillie Joanna? Whatever it is, I will give it to you freely.”
I lay my head on her shoulder and snuggle into her neck like I did when I was a child, and choke back a sob before saying, “I just need time. Can you give me that? Time to figure out what and who I am. Who I’m supposed to become.”
She sighs as she strokes my hair and I hold her close. She whispers, “I knew that one day this would happen, that I would no longer be able to fix things for you, no longer be everything to you, and that my role in your life would change. I just hate that today is that day.” She pulls back, tears glistening in her warm amber eyes. She places a gentle kiss on my forehead, before continuing, “You are my firstborn daughter, and you are smart, you are not lacking, even if you think you are, but you are right, this is your journey to travel, your path to take. I will support you in any way I can. I don’t like that I can’t help you with this, but I understand.” She pulls me into another fierce hug that I’m helpless to melt into and says, “If this is your decision, and what you need? Then go. Before the males in this family get home. I’ll run interference as best I can.”
“Thank you for understanding. I love you, Mama.” I whisper before pulling away and then I trace Cara and myself to The Mortal Realm.
2
Be Careful What You Wish For
(Lillie Joanna)
I‘ve been at Mama’s house in The Mortal Realm for just under a day and Lachlan showed up this morning. By the gods, he’s a giant pain in my ass. We had an argument of epic proportions, but he is adamant that he’s my guardian and that where I go outside of Faerie, he goes. I have no idea as to how this will pan out because this is not my idea of working through my thoughts and trying to figure things out on my own. Just as I’m about to call him out on it, our parents show up and I sigh, feeling defeated before I’ve even had a chance to settle in here in our home away from home.
Da marches over to me and pulls me into a hug and whispers, “I love you, little flower.” The closely cropped
