It took effort not to say I told you so. Maybe that was funny coming from him because he had been the one originally pushing for this — except he had never been pushing for sex as a goal in itself. That was the thing Will had never understood about him.
“What’d you want tonight?” Will asked a short time later, rifling through the contents of his pack.
Taylor opened his mouth, then caught Will’s expression and decided a joke would be a mistake. Will was just waiting for him to say something — the wrong thing.
“Whatever you want. I’m not particular.” He was serious — and he was talking about their freeze-dried menu — but Will’s face tightened.
“Right. We need to talk,” he said grimly.
Words every man dreaded hearing — even when they came from another man.
Taylor said desperately, “How much can there be to say about dehydrated turkey tetrazzini, Brandt?”
“That’s not what I mean.”
Shit. There was no kidding around when Will got in this mood. He gave up fighting the inevitable, folded his arms on his knees, waiting.
“Shoot.” He couldn’t help adding, “But not literally, okay?”
That was just nerves talking, but there wasn’t a glimmer of a smile from Will. “We can’t go on like this, MacAllister.”
A little irritably — wasn’t this what he’d been saying all along? — he said, “Yeah, I know.”
“Okay, maybe sex wasn’t the point. Maybe you were right about that much.”
“Well, no kidding.”
“Do you really want to break up the team?”
Taylor exhaled a long breath, staring at his hands. He said finally, reluctantly, “I think it would be for the best.”
Was that really what he thought? Because saying it felt like the end of the world. And the silence that followed didn’t make it any easier.
Finally, Will said, “Is that really what you think or is this some kind of — I don’t know. An ultimatum?”
Taylor searched inside himself. Tried to put aside his own feelings and figure out what he expected of Will. He was forced to conclude that he did not expect anything. He had always understood that Will did not want to get involved — not with his partner — not at the expense of their team. If they had met under other circumstances…well, probably not then, either, because Will was convinced that Taylor was incapable of a relationship that lasted longer than fifteen minutes. Will just did not believe that Taylor was his type, and who would know better? So Taylor knew what he wanted was unrealistic. It was really out of curiosity that he asked, “If it was an ultimatum, what would your answer be?”
Will groaned, put his head in his hands. “What kind of fucking question is that?” Lowering his hands, he sighed. It was a long, weary sound. “I don’t know. Maybe you are right. I was hoping this afternoon might settle some things…”
“Did it settle something for you?” Taylor asked, and he couldn’t help the note that crept into his voice because he thought if Will said yes he was totally bullshitting himself. It had been crazy, but it had also been fantastic between them, and Taylor was certainly experienced enough to know the feelings hadn’t been all on his side.
But Will didn’t answer that. He just said, “If you still feel like…you want out…”
He opened his mouth to deny that it was what he wanted, but that was what it amounted to. As painful as the idea of breaking the partnership was, he couldn’t go on working side by side with Will feeling the way he did. The idea of watching the David Bradleys come and go in Will’s life, or worse, watching Will settle down with someone like David Bradley — who, in fairness, was a perfectly decent guy — was more than he could take.
It wasn’t reasonable or logical on his part, but…
Maybe he was as self-centered and egotistical as Will thought. As embarrassing as that was to admit.
And maybe fucking in a hot tub had settled everything nicely for Will, but it had just confirmed for Taylor what he already knew. He wasn’t getting over this anytime soon.
He said carefully, “This way we walk away friends. Which matters to me. A lot. The way we were going… I don’t know that we would.”
The truth of that was in Will’s eyes. After a very long moment, he nodded.
Which settled that.
They moved about the camp getting ready for the night, and every time Taylor looked at Will’s closed expression his chest ached in a way that had nothing to do with cold air in his healing lung.
“Did you really want the turkey tetrazzini?” Will asked politely when the water had boiled.
“I was just kidding,” Taylor returned, equally polite.
They ate beef stew in silence. They had cleared the air, but there didn’t seem to be much to say any more. Taylor couldn’t even work up enough enthusiasm to discuss their dead hijacker and casino heist.
The stars came out: incredibly huge and bright in the black skies. It got colder. They were both tired, and Taylor knew he wasn’t alone in not wanting to squeeze into that little tent and lie there listening to each other pretend to sleep.
“Anything else you want out of my pack?” Will asked finally. “Toothpaste? Soap? Anything else to eat?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“I guess I’ll bear bag everything.”
Taylor nodded, but Will made no move to get up and hang the food and items that might attract bears. He poked the campfire with a stick, his grim face half in shadow, half in rosy light. He could have been a million miles away, sitting on that distant pockmarked moon rising over the serrated tips of the mountains.
Taylor shivered — and for once Will didn’t notice. Taylor rose. Will didn’t look up. He opened his mouth, but he didn’t know what to say. Instead, he went to get his jacket
