That soft sweetheart melted him. Taylor turned to Will, and Will wrapped his arms around him, pulled him close.
Taylor said, words muffled against Will’s chest, “I just feel like I could have—should have—”
Coulda, shoulda, woulda.
“None of this is on you,” Will said fiercely. “You sure as hell aren’t to blame for what happened.” He rested his face against Taylor’s hair.
Taylor closed his eyes and gave in to the luxury of leaning on Will. “That’s the thing, though. I was so sure this was a chance to make up for the past. To set things straight. I didn’t handle it well, back in college. He cared so much, and I was just…glad to be starting my real life.”
“Christ, MacAllister. You were both kids. What were you supposed to do?”
Taylor shook his head. Not in answer to Will. He was lost in his own thoughts. “Neither of us was really out…”
Will said, “I know. Of course not.” Will got it. Taylor had been planning for a career in the Bureau of Diplomatic Security, and back then there were no gay federal agents. Or, more exactly, there were no out federal agents. It was a different world. The only people who thought things hadn’t really changed were the people who hadn’t lived through the old days.
He raised his face to meet Will’s gaze. “And it was partly because of that, our friendship meaning so much.”
“Yeah.” The understanding in Will’s blue gaze was both painful and a relief, because Will did absolutely understand everything Taylor was saying—and not saying.
“I did care for him.”
“I know you did,” Will reassured.
“He cried like it was the end of the world.” It had shaken Taylor, those hot tears and shuddering sobs. Ashe had sounded like his heart was breaking. And Taylor had all but fled. Then he’d followed that relationship up with the affair with Inori.
No wonder he’d so often been accused of being emotionally unavailable. That had been his MO. Until Will.
Will sighed, as though Taylor’s pain was a weight on his heart.
“And there was nothing I could say except…if he ever needed me, I’d be there for him.”
“And you were. You tried to be. He made bad choices. And the worst choice was thinking he could pay off his gambling debts by handing us over to Mikhail Bashnakov.”
Taylor nodded. “Yes. But it’s still…”
“Shocking. Painful. Depressing,” Will agreed. “Yeah. I see that. I’m sorry.” He held Taylor still more tightly, and Taylor rested his face in the curve of Will’s neck. Will bent his head, said softly against Taylor’s ear, “I’m sorry it turned out the way it did. But I’m not sorry we’re both here tonight. I’m never going to be sorry for that.”
Taylor whispered, “No. Me neither.”
The rain-scented breeze of island flowers, the soft, cool cotton of freshly laundered sheets, the lazy click of a digital clock beside the bed, the faint tap-tapping of old plumbing. Bliss.
When Taylor finally opened his eyes the next morning, Will said, “What if we make that ring of yours for real?”
Taylor blinked at the ceiling, blinked at Will, said rustily, “It is for real.”
Will was smiling, but his blue eyes were grave. “I mean official. Legal.”
Was Will asking what he seemed to be asking? Taylor said slowly, “You want to get married in Hawaii?”
“Well, we’re here.”
He was clearly kidding—and yet, clearly not kidding.
Okay, it was understood they would one day marry. They had never discussed the logistics, but Will knew Taylor well enough to be confident Taylor didn’t want a big fuss any more than he did.
Will said, “Did you know gay marriage has been legal in Hawaii since 2013?”
“I did not know that, no.” Taylor tilted his head, studying him. “What’s the rush?”
Will laughed. “Rush? We’ve been together five years.”
“Uh, I don’t think we can count the time we weren’t actually together as together.”
“I think it all counts. It all goes into me knowing I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Will drew in a breath. “And I’m thinking you feel the same.”
Like there was any question of that?
Taylor smiled, all his tenderness and affection right there in his face—but maybe a little exasperation too, because even though this was one of the nicest things Will had ever said to him, it was a case of it’s the thought that counts. Taylor had lived through the weddings of two siblings, and if Will imagined it was possible to pull off a spur-of-the-moment wedding, he was hitting the Mai Tais again.
“Okay. Agreed. But.”
“But?”
“For starters, I don’t know how you think we’re going to arrange a wedding in three d—”
Will interrupted, “I spent the morning phoning around, and I found a company that will marry us before lunch.”
Taylor’s heart jumped. “Today?”
“Yep, today. If you want to go for it. It’s $325 for a licensed minister, beach permit and insurance, a decorative certificate of marriage, and two fresh-flower leis.” He added, as though all those parasols and lovebirds had suddenly made him an expert, “The hard part about pulling off a wedding is arranging the venue. This entire island is a venue.”
“You’re serious.”
“I am. I’m serious. If you want them to take photos using our phones, it’s another two hundred dollars.”
“Another two hundred.” Taylor sat up, shoving the hair out of his eyes. “Okay. Right.”
“No frills, obviously, but—”
“We’re not frilly guys.” Taylor was starting to laugh. “Are you— Are you sure you know what you’re saying? Because I will not take kindly to being left at the altar.”
“No altar. Are we going for it or not?”
Taylor hesitated.
Will said softly, “I’m not pushing you. This is up to you. Say the word, and I’ll make the phone call. They said they’d hold that slot open for thirty more minutes.”
For a long moment they held each other’s gazes.
Their love, their relationship, was not perfect. It was complicated, occasionally messy, sometimes even confusing, and probably always would be. But it was the real deal. The for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do
