“Speaking of vids,” Jenni said quietly.“Let’s see what you were watching before we came in.”
Before Zia could stop her, Jenni activatedthe display on Zia’s bedroom wall, then huffed in disgust. “Thisagain? I knew it. Every time I visit, you’re watchingit.”
“Why shouldn’t she?” Bea demanded. “It’s soromantic.”
Zia gave a halfhearted sigh, transfixed asalways by the image of herself and Rem at the medal ceremony. Shewas staring up into his eyes with such adoration, and he waslooking at her with that warm, sexy look she loved so much. And ina moment, he was going to pick her up and carry her off thestage—
“Why do you keep torturing yourself?” Jennidemanded. “If you’re not going to date him, or even be friends withhim, why watch this?”
“That’s a good point, actually,” Charlottesaid. “It seems a little masochistic, Zee.”
Jenni reached into her backpack and pulledout a half-inch diskette. “If you have to watch the medalceremony, try this version.”
“Hmm?” Zia eyed it warily. “What do you mean,‘this version’?”
“See for yourself.” Jenni inserted the diskin the vid slot, and a new image appeared. Or rather, the sameimage, but taken from a different angle. “You think it’s soromantic, but is it really? Look at the expression on his face. Andlook at yours. That’s not love, that’s justcalmative-induced loopiness.”
As the girls stared, the image of Zia steppedup to Rem and gave him a vacant, impersonal smile. Remscowled—slightly but visibly—and he muttered something thatcouldn’t be heard over the noise of the crowd. But it must havebeen bad, because Zia drew back for a second. Then she justshrugged it off and slipped the ribbon over his head without sayinganother word.
“I don’t remember that,” Zia said, confusedby the obvious disharmony between her and Rem.
“That’s my point.” Jenni reached over andpatted Zia’s arm. “I almost didn’t show you this, because the otherone is so beautiful. But I can’t stand seeing you torture yourself,so I decided you needed to watch what really happened. Or atleast, part of what really happened.”
“But I don’t remember it.”
“Because you don’t want to,” Jenni repliedwith a shrug. Then she stood up and motioned to Bea and Charlotte.“If we don’t leave soon, Dr. Fuller will send a nurse to yell atus. She needs to sleep.” Leaning down to where Zia was proppedagainst bed pillows, she gave her a warm hug. “Don’t watch the meanone either, Zee. Just let it go. It was never meant to be,right?”
“I don’t know,” Zia admitted, hitting thereplay button stubbornly.
Her friends said good-bye, and she respondedwithout really hearing them, then waved to them without reallyseeing them.
She could only see this vid. This thing thathad never happened, even though it apparently did happen.She had been stoned, not dreamy-eyed. Rem had been harsh, notintense and sexy. It hadn’t been romantic at all.
“But when he carried you,” she remindedherself, “that was the most romantic part. And that reallyhappened, right? Your memory of that part is true, at least.”
Except you weren’t even awake for it. Youwere unconscious! So how can you remember that part sovividly, but not this part?
It was a bizarre thought, but also a familiarone. Wasn’t this the same experience Aengus Stone had had?Remembering every detail from a vid—checking his watch, dropping adiskette, knowing it to the tiniest detail—and yet havingabsolutely no memory? Or rather, a distorted one, of anotherpart of the same event?
And those aren’t the only two times ithappened, Zia reminded herself warily. Remember? It was thesame with your dreams during suspension. You remembered details sovividly—details that never happened, but they felt so real. Thatwas odd too, right? You thought it was just because of thecalmative—
“Oh!” She clapped her hand over her mouth,instinctively willing the words not to come out, as though thatwould somehow change the truth.
But the word was already out, wasn’t it?
“It was the calmative that distortedeverything for you. Both times. So?” She folded her armsacross her chest and asked herself cautiously, “What distorted itfor Aengus Stone?”
* * * *
“Thanks again, Dr. Annur. I know it’s a crazyfavor to ask, but . . .” Zia paused to stare wistfully at the halftablet in her palm. It had been so kind of Dr. Fuller to give it toher before her trip to Malara. And so fortunate that on the returntrip she hadn’t needed it. Hadn’t even thought about it.
Until today.
Reminding herself that Annur could bediscreet, she pressed the broken pill into his clawed hand. “Ididn’t have anyone else to ask. Ambassador Humber isn’t due back toEarth for a couple of days. And obviously I can’t trust my familydoctor. Or anyone else in the Quito administration. Or Rem. Andyou’ve been such a great friend and ally. And your son helped metoo. So you’re almost like family. So . . .”
“It is an honor to assist you, Zia. You savedMalara, did you not? And if you consider myself and my son to befamily, well, that is double the honor.” Annur pocketed the pill.“I will have the results for you in three days. Four at themost.”
“The ceremony’s three days away. I reallyneed the results before that if possible.”
“We will do our best,” Annur promised.
A new voice sounded from the doorway of theHacienda’s vid room. “Zia?”
She turned to smile at Sean Logan.“Commander! I’ve been wondering when you’d visit me.”
“I must go,” Annur announced. “I will be incontact as soon as possible. Good-bye, Captain Quito. And you also,Commander.”
“Thanks again, Doctor,” Zia said warmly.After Annur had departed, she teased Logan by saying, “So? Wherehave you been?”
“They said you were too injured to takevisitors,” he began, then he stopped himself and saluted hersmartly. “Nice work, Captain Quito.”
Zia punched her fist to her chest, thenextended it in solemn tribute.
“We’re going to have to work on that salute,”he grumbled. Then he opened his arms to her, and she went right tohim, accepting the hug gratefully.
“I’m so proud, Zee,” he murmured into herhair. “I wish your mother could have seen this. And I reallywish Daniel Quito could have.”
“You saw the battle vid?” she asked, pullingaway and smiling impishly. “I stayed on my feet. Not exactlyamazing, but good enough.”
“You were
