On this night, Liza found herselftalking to Jack. Despite the fact that he was only a year older, heseemed so knowledgeable and worldly. He did not like the mainstreampop music that Liza listened to. He listened to REM and Nirvana andMorrissey. He was certainly experienced in ways that Liza had neverreally fully considered, or even truly understood. Somehow, towardsthe end of the evening, Liza and Jack found themselves sitting onthe floor in an empty room, side by side, leaning against the wall.It was an odd room, possibly a dining room, but there was nofurniture in it, save a few potted plants. The rest of the gang wasin the other room watching the TV. The more they talked, the closertogether they leaned, so that their shoulders were almost touching.Then, almost without warning, Jack leaned over and kissed Liza. Shewas unprepared, but delighted. She had never kissed someone withoutofficially dating him first. She had never casually kissed someone.The kiss was tender and deep, and stirred what Liza would come torecognize as passion much later on in life. His hands wandered upand down her torso, slowly inching in on her breasts. She sharplyinhaled as his hands caressed her. To her, this kiss, thisfondling, this fifteen-minute make-out session sitting on thefloor, meant so much. She had never allowed someone to touch herlike that. After all, she was not the type of girl to get to secondbase with just anyone. This meant something. Just like in themovies, a kiss must mean love.
After, they acted as if nothing hadhappened. Liza wondered if anyone could tell by looking at her whatshe and Jack had done. Much to her chagrin, Liza and Tara had toleave earlier than the others, having stricter parents and earliercurfews than the rest. Liza told Tara what had happened whileTara's parents drove them home. Tara, although older, was even lessexperienced. All in all, Liza was very happy with the way thingswere going. Sixteen seemed to be a good year so far.
Two days later, just beforereturning to school from the Christmas break, Jaimie called Liza.She informed her that she and Jack were officially dating.Apparently, it began after Liza had gone home. Liza didn't have thenerve to ask Jaimie if she knew that Liza and Jack had kissed. Shedidn't want to know. Because Jack's betrayal hurt enough, and shedid not think she could take deliberate betrayal by her friend.Jack stayed with Jaimie for quite a while. Liza never got thedetails, but it was pretty much the end of her friendship withJaimie. Those common extracurricular activities became tense. Playpractice, which used to be so much fun, now brought tension andanxiety. Liza could not understand how her friend could do this toher.
But more, she did not understandhow Jack could do this to her. Didn't that physical act meansomething? Jaimie, like Dani, was the physical opposite of Liza.Where Liza was petite and girly, Jaimie was rough and tall. In heranger, Liza thought that Jack must be secretly gay. He seemed tolike these girls who were taller than he was and manly as well.Liza was angry for a long time. She felt deceived. She didn’tunderstand what she had done wrong. Finally, in a brazen act, shequestioned Jack. He told her she was too innocent for him. It was aslap in the face. She knew she was innocent but had never seen thatas a bad thing. Plus, no one asked her if she would ever doanything bad. They just automatically assumed shewouldn't.
After that, Liza tried to date agood friend of Jack's to make him jealous but just couldn't getinto it. Holding his hand made her feel dirty. Her friend groupshifted slightly, and she didn't hang out with Jaimie and Tara'scrowd quite as much. She didn't want to have to see Jaimie and Jacktogether. She bounced from group to group, looking for people whowould accept her. Liza threw herself into community theater andchased desperately after boys there. None ever really returned herattention, although one did take pity on her and went with her to asemi-formal. Jaimie and Jack were there. Liza held her head high,walking past them without even acknowledging them.
Not surprisingly, Jaimie and Jackdid not last, and Jack moved on to a girl who was a year youngerthan Liza, although built similarly to Dani and Jaimie. Liza stilldid not understand it. She was petite and pretty. She wasintelligent, in all honors classes. She was a cheerleader anddancer and could sing fairly decently. She had the lead in themusical. She could never quite understand what Jack saw in thesegrunge-band, Birkenstock and flannel wearing, solidly-built girls.Perhaps she was not smart enough, or not deep enough. Perhaps shewas cute, but not actually attractive to members of the oppositesex. Many lonely Saturday nights she pondered what could be sowrong with her.
Eventually, Liza talked to Jackagain. He was too engaging and charismatic not to. Talking to himmade her feel alive and vibrant. But she always made sure to holdhim at arm's length. Though, in the grand scheme of things, he wasthe first man to ever betray her trust. He would not be the last.Rather, he was the first in a long line. However, at the tender ageof sixteen, it felt like the world's largest betrayal. He was thefirst man who made Liza feel not good enough for some inexplicablereason. He made her feel that she was not special enough to bewith. But still, he was interesting to talk to, and, in achivalrous gesture, agreed to escort Liza to her senior prom,despite the fact that he had just finished his first year incollege.
He was a fun date and attentive,although Liza had no real interest in him at this time. She hadtotally put up a wall where he was concerned. He was a good sportabout it. As they stood, with his arms around her waist,
