“Everything,” said Sasha.
“We’re sorry, honey,” said Avery, reaching over to pat her hand. “That happened to me, too. It’s how I ended up with Monster man. Didn’t have no place else to go, after my mom said I had to go.”
“None of you black chicks heard of birth control?” asked the younger white girl in the group, angrily. She was skinny to the point of emaciation and dressed like a Goth with piercings and tattoos on every available inch of ghost white skin.
“See, Becky,” said Avery, point a finger. “You always want to make everything our fault.”
“Last time I checked,” said Becky, glowering darkly. “Sex minus birth control equals baby, every time. You’d never catch me doing it without protection.”
“You’re in the same shelter we are, Becky,” said Avery. “You’re no better than us black chicks.”
“I got beat up. That’s why I’m here,” said Becky. “Not because I keep forgetting to take my pill. And the name is Rebecca, Scar face.”
“Shut up, you-,”
“No name calling,” said Gail.
“She started it,” said Rebecca, rolling her eyes at Avery.
“No,” started Avery. “She-,”
“This is not productive,” interrupted Gail, holding up her hand. “And we refrain from making racial or personal slurs. We have talked about this. Belittling others is the beginning of the abuse cycle is it not?”
Avery and Rebecca had the grace to look ashamed.
“We were talking to Sasha.”
Everyone looked at Sasha. Sasha was silent for a long time, not breathing.
“Go ahead,” said Gail encouraging. Several murmured, go ahead, go ahead….
“I feel like-,” Sasha stopped and choked on her words.
“Take your time.” They all murmured it, this time, in unison.
“I feel like I failed, everything,” said Sasha, tears blurring her eyes. “I was pretty. I was smart. I got good grades. I was supposed to go to college and here I am, like - a statistic. Teenaged. Pregnant. Homeless.” She spit the words like bullets from a gun, sharp and staccato.
“Sounds like a reality show,” quipped someone. Everyone laughed, but it wasn’t really funny. Gail patted Sasha on the shoulder.
“I’m not Sixteen and Pregnant,” said Sasha. “I’m not on T.V. I’m not special. I’m just another sad, baby mama.”
“You are not a failure,” said Gail.
“You made a mistake, girlfriend,” said Suzie, the tall blond who had been silent until then. She had tears in her eyes. The others nodded.
“A poor decision,” said Rebecca.
“Mines is named Eduardo,” said Theresa. They each named their mistake by name in quiet solemn voices.
“We call that taking ownership,” said Gail. “We own up to our mistakes, to our poor decisions. It gives us power to make it better.”
“We set goals,” said Theresa.
“I just want to go to sleep and when I wake up the baby will be gone,” said Sasha. “Mama won’t be mad and-,”
“Gotta deal with reality, not fantasy,” said Avery, firmly. “You had the choice to get the baby gone.”
“And you didn’t take it,” said Suzie.
Sasha wiped tears from her cheeks with her hand. Gail passed her a box of tissues.
“Mama wanted me to have an abortion,” said Sasha. “I wasn’t doing that.”
“So, you are choosing to have a baby,” said Theresa.
“I don’t want a baby,” said Sasha. “I just don’t want to kill it.”
“Okay,” said Avery. “So maybe you can give it up for adoption.”
“I want it to go away. I wanna be in my bedroom, watching T.V. and talking to my friends on the phone,” said Sasha, chin quivering.
“That ship has sailed,” said Rebecca. “There is a no whining rule here.”
“It’s not productive,” said Avery. “Oh, shoot, I agreed with Becky. Bring on the Rapture!”
Rebecca scowled but said nothing else.
“I don’t even have my cell phone. I’m a failure,” Sasha buried her face in her hands.
“Sasha,” said Gail, soothing. “It is not a failure when you try and don’t reach your goal. It is practice. Practice makes excellent. That is what we talk about here. How old choices don’t have to define your entire future. You can do something different. You can still go to college. Still meet your goals. Be brand new.”
“I’m still gonna be stuck with a baby,” scoffed Sasha, voice muffled. “No job, no college.”
Avery snorted. “Plenty folks go to college with a baby. I got two. If I wasn’t running from crazy, I’d still be in college. I’m going back as soon as I figure out how to get away from his evil tail.”
“We have to have a plan,” said Gail. Everyone nodded. “Short and long term goals. Your short term goals are to make some decisions about you and this baby.”
“What about the boy?” asked Suzie. “He has some responsibility here.”
“He broke up with me,” mumbled Sasha.
“But does he know about the baby, chica?” asked Theresa. “Did you tell him?”
Sasha shook her head.
“You should tell him,” said Gail. “Maybe he can help.”
“Everyone is looking for a rescue!” snarled Rebecca. She stood up, fisting her black tipped fingers. “Don’t you people get it? Nobody cares. That’s why we are all here in this crack house of a shelter, whining to each other about our problems.”
“Don’t you mean meth house of a shelter?” asked Heather, rolling her eyes. “Wasn’t that your drug of choice?”
“Who is you people?” drawled Avery. “You think you are different from us, Rebecca?”
Rebecca shook her head. “No. That’s what is so messed up. Nobody cares about me any more than they care about you.” She turned and stomped out of the room.
“I can’t stand that girl,” said Avery, rolling her eyes. “She could kill hope in heaven.”
“She could definitely do with an attitude adjustment,” said Heather. “But she’s had it rough.”
“And the rest of us been living in luxury!” quipped Avery.
Everyone chuckled.
“Back to you,” said Gail, turning to Sasha. “You might want to let the young man know that he is going to be a father, no matter what else you decide to do.”
“I’ll think about it,” said Sasha, brightening. “Maybe he will be glad.”
“I doubt it,” said Avery. “But he might surprise you.”
“Hope, eh?” asked Theresa.
Sasha
