Of course. Here he is looking finer than he has a right to and I’m standing here holding a dirty rag with baby throw up on me and my hair looking like who did it for what done it.
She asked the question before she realized that her mouth was open. He shifted from one hip to the other, looking like he wanted to be anyplace but on her mother’s front porch.
“Hi,” he said.
‘Hi? Whatever.’
“How are you?” he asked.
Maybe he didn’t hear me the first time.
“What do you want Damon?”
He hesitated and then bit his lip. He took a deep breath, took his glasses off, wiped the lenses off with the corner of his polo shirt and put them back on.
“I wanted to see Ricky,” he said. “If – um – if it’s okay with you.”
He started out strong but petered off until she had to strain to hear what he had to say.
“Why?” Sasha asked. She jammed her fists on her hips. He bit his lip again and shuffled his big feet.
He has the nerve to look hurt.
“Ricky is my baby. He’s not yours,” she said, heating up. “The blood tests proved that he’s not yours.”
“I know, but-,” he stopped and looked confused.
If I had a gun, I would shoot him for that doofus look. I hate him with my whole body and soul.
“I thought you said to leave you alone,” Sasha yelled. “Isn’t that what you told me last year? Leave me alone, beat it. Isn’t that what you said?”
He took a step back like he was surprised that she was hostile and enraged. Sasha had never yelled at Damon before, not even when he kicked her to the curb in front of the whole school.
“Yeah but-,”
She could feel the rage bubbling in her blood and oozing out of her pores. She didn’t have a gun so she slammed open the screen door and crashed into him with her fists. She tried to punch him and kill him. Damon caught and held her forearms to keep her away from him, but the cast on his left wrist made him clumsy. He was so strong, that Sasha got even angrier. She lashed out with her bare foot. He blocked the blow with his leg and pinned her to the side of the porch pillar.
“Stop!” he said. Sasha kept it up, screaming and cussing at him. He just held on and didn’t say a word, until both of them were exhausted and panting. Damon was actually wheezing.
“I hate you!” she screamed.
Sasha hated him for being the only decent boy she’d ever been with. She hated him because he didn’t think she was decent enough for him. She hated him for screwing her and getting away with it. She hated him because she had loved him so hard her heart was bruising her insides just being near him and he didn’t love her at all. She hated him because her baby had a daddy for three months and now he didn’t. She even hated Damon for loving Ricky even though the baby wasn’t related to him. Obscene words floated through her head. No way. No possible way. Damon Hamilton is not the father of Ricardo Damon Anderson. Like a Jerry Springer reject she had to go hunt down another baby daddy for her son.
Finally, she collapsed against him, so suddenly that he almost lost his balance. He staggered and tightened his arms on her for a second.
“Get your hands off me,” she said, panting and sweating.
“You ready to stop acting crazy?” he gasped. He was panting, too, his breath whistling in and out like a train whistle.
“Let me go,” she whispered, out of breath. He loosened his grip, but kept hold of Sasha’s arm. She whipped around and threw up over the porch rail into her mother’s hydrangea bushes.
I’m so tired. I’m only nineteen. I shouldn’t be this tired already. Frigging boys always frigging win because this whole frigging life is a set up.
Sasha stood back up. Damon let go of her arm and straightened the glasses that she had knocked crooked.
He stared at her with wary, almost panicked eyes.
“You are off the hook,” Sasha said, though clenched teeth. She could feel the bile rising again. She swallowed. He stood there for a long time, not saying anything.
“I’m sorry,” he said, finally.
He’s all shamed faced like that’s supposed to make my messed up life all better.
“For what, Damon?” Sasha asked. “Taking what was offered?” Her throat was so tight she could hardly squeeze the words out. He shook his head like he was trying to clear it, but he didn’t say anything.
“That’s what I thought,” she said, as she grabbed the porch door and stepped inside. She had to get away from him before she exploded again.
“Get off my mother’s porch.”
Hot tears roll down her cheeks as she slammed the door. Her nose got snotty and stuffy. Sasha could see Damon through the window in the door, still just standing there, but she turned around and walked away, head down.
Welcome to my new reality show. I’m the star in the middle of this sad skank’s tale of a life.
Ricky woke up wailing when she was halfway down the hall, so she went into the room that they shared, picked him up out of the crib, buried her face in his little baby chest and they both sobbed. Ricky cried because he had a crappy diaper, and Sasha cried because she hurt so badly. Finally, she couldn’t take the nasty diaper smell any more so she dried her eyes on the throw up rag and laid Ricky down on the table and changed his diaper.
She looked down at her baby. A tear dropped from her eye onto his downy cheek. She wiped it off with her thumb. She sniffled and dried her tears. “I will never shed another tear over a boy in this world.”
Ricky smiled a little gummy smile at her.
“It’s going to be just you and me,”
