Cam lifted a brow. “She wants to wallow.”
Reaching the drawing room, Kendra turned with a sympathetic look. “Go on in. I’ll stop by the kitchen and ask for some refreshments.”
Cait set her jaw, but followed the young men into the room and plopped onto the burgundy brocade couch. Cameron sat beside her, and Ford settled into one of two matching carved-walnut chairs.
Kendra took the other chair a minute later. “Cait. Are you all right?”
There was that question again, the one that demanded she lie. “I’m fine.” Her hands tried to find her amulet, then her laces, and finally fell into her lap. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean to kill him.”
“I’m not speaking of Wat Gothard.” Kendra’s eyes mirrored everyone’s concern. “I’m asking how you feel about your brother. And my brother.”
“I’ll miss Adam,” Caithren said with a sigh. “We weren’t close, and, truth be told, I never understood him. We hadn’t seen much of each other in years. But he was my brother, my blood, and I loved him.” She struggled to swallow the lump of anger that had been lodged in her throat since Jason told her the truth. “As for your brother, he knew Adam was dead, and he decided to keep it from me. As if he had the right to make that decision. As if he—” She broke off when the butler entered with a large silver tray.
Ford rose and paced the Oriental carpet. “I talked to Jason before he left the Bull Inn. He’d known for but two days, Cait, and he failed to tell you because…” He turned, and his blue eyes sought hers. “…not because he didn’t think you deserved to know, but because he was afraid. He feared the truth would make you hate him.”
“Hate him?” She accepted a cup of warm chocolate from the butler, but shook her head at the proffered plate of cakes. “Whyever would I hate him?”
Ford’s brow knitted. “Because he killed your brother.”
“That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.” Stunned, she sipped from the cup, grateful for something to do with her hands and mouth. Other than yelling or throttling Jason. “The killing wasn’t intentional, and he knew I believed that. We discussed it days ago. Before either of us knew it was…Adam.” At her brother’s name, her vision blurred. She took a deep breath.
“He thought that wouldn’t matter to you.” Ford took a cake, then just held it, as though he wasn’t sure what to do with it. “Whether it was intentional or not.”
The butler set down the plate and left.
“He was your brother, Cait,” Ford said softly.
“It was an accident.” She sat a while, open-mouthed, then said, “Now I do hate him.”
But the thought that Ford could be right brought a thread of hope.
She held on to it like a lifeline.
“If not for killing your brother, why hate him, then?” Kendra frowned into her cup. “Because he left you at the Bull Inn after telling you?”
“No. Never that.” The chocolate wasn’t sitting well in Cait’s stomach. “I had all of you, and Gothard and Scarborough were both at that wedding. He had to go. He had no choice.” Setting her cup on a low table, she rubbed her trembling arms.
“Then why?” Rising, Kendra drew an embroidered throw off the back of the couch and draped it over Cait’s shoulders. “I want to understand. If not because he left you, why do you hate him?”
“I don’t hate him.” Tears flooded her eyes. Tears she wouldn’t shed for Adam—not in front of near-strangers—flowed freely at the thought of Jason’s betrayal. “I love him, and he doesn’t trust me to forgive him. That hurts.”
Beside her, Cam took her hand. “Do you really love him, Cait? A fellow you’ve known for but days? An…Englishman?”
She nodded, afraid what he must think, yet unable to deny it.
But he surprised her. “Then you must forgive him for thinking such of you.” His hand squeezed hers. “It goes two ways, aye? Remember what your mam used to say: Gae it oot and get it back.”
“Pardon?” Ford said.
Kendra shot him a lowering glance.
“What we give, we have,” Cait translated quietly. She took a deep breath. “Forgiveness. And trust. Jason and I…we haven’t seen a lot of either between us, but maybe it must come from me first.”
Kendra reached for a cake and turned it in her hands. “Make him suffer, Cait. Heaven knows he deserves it.” She looked up, and they shared a wan smile. “But then you’ll marry him, yes? Because—”
“Nay.” Fresh tears leaked out. “I love your brother, but I cannot marry him.”
“Why?” Kendra breathed. “I thought—”
Cait shivered, but not from the cold. “Upon marriage my property would become Jason’s. The land that goes with the title is worth nothing without the larger portion, the many acres that came through my mother. To me, now that Adam is gone.” Swallowing against the sadness, she tightened the wrap around her. “Cameron deserves it, and I love him too much to see him lose it.”
With a gasp, Cam pulled his hand from hers. “It was never meant to be mine, Cait! Any of it!”
“Aye, it was and it is.” She blinked back the tears. “You were next in line. Eldest son of my father’s brother. Sir Cameron Leslie, now that Da and Adam are gone. You knew that, surely?”
“Nay.” He looked stunned. “I mean…Good heavens. Of course I knew I was next in line, but I never thought about it. I thought only of you. Within an hour after hearing the news, I was on my way here to fetch you back home. Knowing you wouldn’t find Adam.”
“See? You thought of me first. It’s always been that way between us, Cam, and that w-won’t be changing n-now.” Her shivers were growing violent.
Clutching the throw more securely around herself, she huddled within its trifling protection as earnest sobs overcame her at last.
SEVENTY-THREE
AFTER TELLING his story to the
