That surprising news made her a little uneasy. "You've been in love before?"
"Yes. With my wife."
She couldn't have been more shocked if he'd punched her in the stomach. In fact, it felt like he had punched her in the stomach. "You have a wife?"
"I had a wife," he corrected. "Her name was Anne. She died in childbirth, along with our baby. Two years ago."
"Dear heavens. I didn't know." The sharp pain in Juliana's middle shifted to an ache in her chest. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."
She watched him walk to a chair and lower himself to it wearily. He no longer looked angry or annoyed; he just looked sad. "I forgive you," he said dully. "What you did was still terrible, but I know your heart was in the right place."
"Thank you," she said softly.
"As long as you promise not to try it ever again."
"I won't. I promise. And a Chase promise is never broken. That's been our family motto for centuries." She sat in the chair beside him, grasping the two lion heads at the ends of its arms as though they could lend her their strength. She was glad to have his forgiveness, but his pain ripped her up inside. He'd loved a wife, and she'd carried their baby, and they'd both died. "I'm so sorry you lost your family."
"You've lost family, too," he said.
"But not a child. It must be hardest to lose a child."
He nodded. "We're supposed to die before our children."
"A child is part of you, part of your future."
"It's only recently I've realized that," he said with a sigh. "Only recently I've realized I want to have another."
Of course he wanted another baby. She wanted a baby, too. And so, she was sure, did Amanda. But he needed more time to fall in love with her.
Juliana knew grief, knew how much it hurt, knew it took a long while to resume living life fully. He'd lost a wife. It would take him time to recover, to allow himself to love another.
She hadn't realized.
He needed more time. He'd said many wonderful things about Amanda, and he was still courting her, after all, so eventually he'd fall in love with her. But he needed more time.
A pity he had only two weeks.
Thirteen days, actually. Twelve days if he didn't see Amanda again until tomorrow. She couldn't let him wait any longer than that.
"You know," she said carefully, "you'll have to remarry to have a child."
"Not technically," he said with a hint of his normal good humor.
"James…"
"Yes, I shall have to remarry to have a child. My dear mother, bless her heart, reminds me of that fact on a daily basis." He paused and looked away, his voice going lower, quieter. "Even though I'll never fall in love again, someday I'll have to remarry."
How could he say such a thing? "You cannot marry without falling in love."
"People do it all the time," he said, looking back to her. "There are many reasons people marry. Wealth, ambition, position, security, duty, honor. And to have a child. While I'd never marry an enemy, I can certainly marry a friend. One can kiss a woman and make a child without falling in love."
Though his words made her blush, she persisted. "How can you possibly know you'll never fall in love again?"
"I just do," he said flatly. "Falling in love would mean betraying Anne, and that isn't going to happen."
Wealth, ambition, position, security, duty, honor…to have a child. Those were sad reasons to wed, Juliana thought—and old reasons as well. Her parents had married for such reasons. Today, in these modern times, young people preferred romantic love matches.
Except…maybe Amanda.
Lord Stafford and I suit well, she remembered Amanda saying. We're compatible. Maybe my father was right—maybe there are more important considerations than love. I cannot marry Lord Malmsey!
At the time, she'd worried that Amanda had decided to marry James for all the wrong reasons. But maybe the two were even better matched than she'd thought. Marriage would give them both what they wanted. Children for James, and a young, compatible man for Amanda.
"Juliana?" James said. "What are you thinking?"
Still sad for him, she forced a smile. "I'm thinking that the two of us went out often during your lessons, but since then you've had no outings with Lady Amanda."
"You want me to take Lady Amanda riding in Hyde Park? Or to the Egyptian Hall?"
"Not exactly." If he hoped to become friends with Amanda—if he hoped to kiss and eventually marry her—he needed to take her someplace much more romantic. "I was thinking Vauxhall Gardens would be perfect."
She'd never been to Vauxhall Gardens, but judging from what she'd heard, it seemed there was nowhere more suitable for lovers, most especially at night. The gardens were described as a paradise of lush paths with many private corners, their twelve acres lit by romantic lanterns—save for a few of the walkways that were deliberately left dark.
"Vauxhall Gardens?" James repeated skeptically. From what he'd heard, the gardens served mainly as a spot for illicit trysts. "I've never been to Vauxhall Gardens."
"Haven't you?" Juliana said. "It's a lovely place."
A lovely place to steal a lady's virtue, or at the very least a few kisses. Which James had no intention of doing with Lady Amanda.
On the other hand, it could be a lovely place to visit with Juliana.
Convincing her of that, however, might be a trick to rival hers.
In truth, James had felt rather dazed upon learning that, in her determination to match him with Amanda, Juliana had been willing to resort to trickery. Dazed and a little bit panicked. Although he realized meddling was in her blood—one didn't have to know Juliana more than a few minutes to conclude that—he'd thought he'd been making progress toward kissing her.
Had his efforts to tempt her accomplished nothing? Obviously, touching Juliana and unbuttoning his shirt were not enough. He'd have to employ stronger tactics if he wanted to kiss her and make sure
