“My pajamas,” I said, sighing. “We’d all be in our pajamas all day. We’d open up presents that morning before enjoying coffee, hot chocolate, and cinnamon rolls. We’d watch the Christmas parade before lunch time. Then we’d go out and play in the snow until it was time for Christmas dinner. Then, we’d stuff ourselves full as a family, cuddle up on the couch while a fire crackled in the background, and we’d all watch one last Christmas movie together.”
“And your family would be here for all of that?” he asked.
“Not my parents. They’d maybe come in the middle of the month and stay through Christmas. But that would be my perfect Christmas holiday.”
“Sounds… colorful,” he said.
“Your turn. Your picture-perfect Christmas.”
“Did I agree to that?” he asked.
“You nodded your head,” I said, grinning. “Now go.”
We traveled down the highway for a little while before I heard him draw in a deep breath.
“It would be my mother and me,” he said.
“No wife or kids?” I asked.
I watched him shrug, and there was a part of me that wondered if he ever saw that life for himself. He was filled with passion and desire. That much, I’d learned on my own. Pent up inside his icy, stale form was a man brimming with want and emotion. It flowed from him effortlessly as his hands ran along the curves of my body. I knew there was more he wanted to give. A man who had that kind of passion in bed also had that kind of passion in other areas of his life.
I started wondering if maybe Colin had somewhat given up on himself.
“At the very least—”
“No,” I interrupted. “We’re talking perfect Christmas. Not the bare minimum you would accept.”
I watched him clench his jaw, but I didn’t care. I was holding him to this. I was holding him to the idea that he had to dream about the holidays. Just once. Just long enough to wrap his mind around the joy he could experience if he just opened up his world to it.
Opened up his life to it.
“It would be my mother and me, along with my family.”
“Who’s in your family?” I asked.
“My wife and our kids. All of our kids.”
“So, you want lots of kids?” I asked, grinning.
“Maybe in another life I did.”
I turned my entire body toward him and leaned my head against the seat before he continued.
“It would be all of us, and we’d be gathered around the Christmas tree. A tall, massive, real tree, with twinkling white lights that could switch over to red at the toggle of a button. There’d be a fire going, and the kids would be running around, excited about the season and the falling snow. My mother would be working hard in the kitchen while my wife tried to get her to come sit her ass down and stop cooking long enough to enjoy things. But in the end, my wife would lose and eventually cave and help her in the kitchen just to get her out quicker.”
“Sounds like a wonderful woman,” I said.
“They both would be,” he said. “I wouldn’t care about what we did at the beginning of the month. I don’t care when we get the tree or how we decorate or where we go for the holidays. The only thing I’d want is them there with my wife crooked underneath my arm. I wouldn’t let her be one of those mothers who killed herself over the holidays, slaving away in the kitchen so it was perfect for everyone else. I’d hire a damn chef and decorator if that’s what it took for her to enjoy the holidays. But I’d want her smiling and making memories.”
I watched his very life gleam in his eyes. He was losing himself in the memory and this wish he had somehow convinced himself couldn’t happen. I smiled at him while he relaxed into his seat, and I wondered if he realized he was actually doing it.
I wondered if he realized he was finally opening up.
“I’d want to fill the tree with presents for everyone,” he said. “Gifts I never received as a child. Televisions and video games and jewelry. Trips to Holland to see the tulip fields in the summer and trips to the Sydney Opera House to view their new premier soprano. I’d get them anything just to see their eyes sparkle with joy.”
I felt tears rising to my eyes while he continued to talk.
“What about your father?” I asked.
“What?”
“You keep mentioning your mother, but not your father. Why?”
I watched his hands tighten against the steering wheel again, and I prepared myself for what was coming. I prepared myself for the wall I’d triggered, the drawbridge that would be rolled up from the moat. I prepared myself for the distance that was about to settle between the two of us, even before his lips parted to speak.
“You asked for my perfect Christmas,” he said. “So, there it is.”
And just like that, we were back to silence.
Chapter 15
Colin
The traffic was moving so damn slowly. It took me thirty minutes just to find the damn highway, and then once we got onto the highway, everyone was only going forty-five miles an hour. It felt like we were crawling, and at this rate, I wouldn’t even drop Abby off in her hometown until close to seven o’clock. I was supposed to give my speech at eight, and I still needed to get to my own damn home and change into my tuxedo.
This was going to have to pick up if we were going to make any decent time.
For now, I was riding behind the damn snow plows on the highway. It was us and them, venturing out into the sunshine and cold while
