But nothing was working.
I reached down for my purse and slid the apple juice from the bottom. I opened it up and guzzled it down, practically choking on it to try and relieve the pain that was flowing throughout my body. My eyes were watering, and it hurt to breathe. It became harder to swallow the juice down, and I could feel my back cramping up. I didn’t want to have a panic attack in this car. The last thing I needed was to show this man how weak I was. How vulnerable I had become with him.
Cleaning my mouth off, I could feel his gaze on me while we kept rolling down the road. I screwed the cap back onto my juice before I put it away. Then I started thinking about Colin. I wondered if he would take my advice and open himself up to forgiveness. I wondered if he would let things go and maybe try to celebrate the holidays with his mother. He didn’t really mention much about her, but I got the distinct impression that she was still alive.
Why wasn’t he spending the holidays with her, then? Surely, she would want him there.
I chanced a glance over at Colin, and I could tell how hard he was paying attention. His back was straight, and his eyes were focused. His brow was furrowed, and his hands gripped tightly to the steering wheel. Holy hell, the man was as serious as they came. I knew traveling in the snow wound people up sometimes, but this was getting ridiculous. He was tapping his free foot on the floorboard of the car as we sat there in silence, and I had to stifle an incredulous giggle.
“What?” he asked coldly.
“Just loosen up,” I said.
“I already heard your arguing point,” he said.
“It wasn’t a point to be argued,” I said. “It’s what you need to do. Just loosen up, Colin. You’d be a lot more fun if you did.”
It was the truth. I saw a glimpse of it the night before at the vending machine. How his eyes lit up with his laughter and how his entire body seemed to relax. I knew he was capable of it. I knew it was stuffed deep down inside of him. He just had to let it out. He just had to take a deep breath, close his eyes, and let the delight that wanted to take hold of him just… sink into his bones. He didn’t have to explain it. It didn’t have to have an origin point. Sometimes people were just happy because they chose to be.
Just like he was rigid and miserable because he chose to be.
“You just do wonders for my ego,” he said.
“It’s not my job to stroke your ego,” I said. “Tell me more about your company.”
“You want me to keep telling you more about myself while you sit there dropping bombshell tidbits without explaining?”
His words were like a blow to my gut, and I sank down into my chair before I let out a sigh.
“Okay, my business,” he said, sighing. “It’s doing really well. We employ over five hundred people, and that’s just in the U.S. alone. Overall, there’s around three thousand employees the company manages, and I pride myself in offering only full-time positions.”
“Wow,” I said. “That’s… actually really awesome.”
“It’s important for me to take care of my employees,” he said. “A full-time salary, a 401(k) with matching incentives, health insurance, and opportunities to donate their money as tax write-offs to charities they find important.”
“Do you donate to any?” I asked.
“Personally, or on behalf of the company?”
“Both,” I said.
“Personally, I donate to Wounded Warriors and UNICEF,” he said. “The idea of hungry children makes my stomach crawl, and the idea that we can’t even take care of men and women who fought for our country makes me very upset.”
“Who does the company donate to?” I asked.
“The company has an overall ethics statement. It’s common for businesses to have a certain ideal they get behind. Like energy companies investing a certain amount of time or profit into clean energy renewal.”
“So, what does Murphy Inc. support?” I asked.
“Clean water restoration,” he said. “Every year, I offer an all-expenses-paid trip to a third world country, and I fund the efforts to dig and build wells in order to access clean drinking water. I offer the trip up to all the employees, and I’ve never had an issue with filling all twenty slots.”
“You send twenty people overseas to dig wells on your own dime?” I asked.
“The company’s dime, but yes. And then I donate a certain amount of money at the end of every year to other charities whose sole focus is water filtration in other areas we can’t reach. Like small third-world islands and the like.”
I was absolutely floored by what he was telling me.
“See?” he asked. “Told you I wasn’t a terrible person.”
“That’s amazing, Colin,” I said. “Really.”
“Helping people is important to me, especially if they can’t help themselves. My mother was helpless in that scenario. She was helpless to the decisions my father made that impacted our entire family. I helped her as much as I could, and I took that lesson with me. I told myself that if I ever started a business, the core value of that company would be to help people. No matter how that help was determined or brought about. Now, I help young entrepreneurs build relationships with people who help them succeed. I help seasoned entrepreneurs by giving them a podcast forum to reach younger generations via their videos. And now, I’m hoping to be able to branch into the European market like
