“Oh, men like him are easy,” Doug said. “They act tough, but they’re softies. It’s the ones you think are soft to begin with that you need to watch out for.”
“How do you figure?” Abby asked.
“Yeah. I’m actually quite curious myself,” I said.
“I bet you are,” Doug said, chuckling. “Men like you, Mr. Murphy, are workaholics. But you work because you don’t feel you have anything else to contribute. All it takes is one person coming along to show you that you have more to give than just your business. You’re not cold and closed off. You’re just carefully stepping through life. That’s all.”
“And how is that different from you?” Abby asked.
“I’m laid back because I choose to be. I let things roll off my back because I know what’s important. It drives my wife nuts. I know I have to do what I do in order to provide for my family, and making sure they have food to eat and money to live their lives keeps me going. Making their holidays special always keeps me reaching for overtime. For men like Mr. Murphy, a family would pull him back. He’d want to spend time with them because he’s spent so much time holed up in an office somewhere. He’s spent so much time stressing out that when he finds a way to relax, he takes full advantage of it and basks in it as much as he can.”
I felt Abby’s eyes flicker over to me as I continued to listen to Doug.
“But men like me? Who are always laid back and easy-going? We stress over the little things. Like making the holidays perfect and earning a baseline paycheck no matter what we have to do to get it. Men like me are anal about the small things because we think the small things make all the difference. It’s just a personality trait. That’s how I’ve always been, and I know I’m difficult. But somehow, through it all, Darla’s stuck by me. Gave me three beautiful children and made a home for me to come back to that I crave every damn day I’m on the highway.”
“Then just go home,” Abby said.
“It’s not that simple,” Doug said.
“Why not?” Abby asked.
“Because life never is.”
I could see tears glistening in Abby’s eyes as she turned her gaze back out to towards the highway.
“And don’t be too hard on Mr. Murphy for crashing the car,” Doug said.
“I skidded, I didn’t crash,” I said.
“I’m not upset with him,” Abby said.
That statement caught my attention and I turned my full attention towards her.
“You seem like it,” I said.
“I’m not upset,” she said. “I’m just—”
I watched her debate on her choice of words before she drew in a deep breath.
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s over and we’re on our way to Kansas City.”
And there it was again. That wall that took me so long to drill through.
It was back, and it was thicker than ever.
Chapter 10
Abby
The weather was still rough as we crossed into Kansas. The conversation had died down in the truck, which left me with only my thoughts. I loved listening to Doug’s story. About how he met his wife and how he came to be a trucker. It was wonderful to me that he understood his downfalls as a man. It took a very self-assured person to admit their faults and understand that, sometimes, those personality traits were simply beyond an individual’s ability to control. Doug’s face lit up as he talked about his wife and it reminded me of the relationship I had with my ex. I wondered if he ever lit up like that when he talked about me in the beginning. I wondered if he’d ever loved me the way I had loved him.
I wondered if anyone would ever love me the way Doug loved his wife.
Listening to Doug talk about his family made me miss my own. I wondered how my mother and father were on their vacation. My father surprised my mother with a Valentine’s Day cruise this year, and the look on her face as she talked about it made me melt. My father was the epitome of a wonderful man. He was kind and brave and successful. Loving and sensitive, but knew how to stand his ground. You could mess with him but you sure as hell couldn’t mess with his family.
I bet they were having a splendid time.
I bet my father was dancing around their room with my mother in his arms. I bet they were sitting at a piano bar, sipping their favorite drinks while listening to some live entertainment. I bet my father was indulging in the finest foods as my mother curled up in a hot tub. I bet my mother was spending entire days at some onboard spa so my father could take in live entertainment at three o’clock in the afternoon without having to worry about where she was or what she was up to.
What my parents had was wonderful and what Doug had with his wife was incredible.
“You okay, Abby?”
Just hearing Colin’s voice ripped me back to reality. Instead of fantasizing about what having a family would be like, I was sitting in an eighteen-wheeler creeping down the highway. At this snail’s pace because of the weather, we wouldn’t make it to Kansas City until almost ten tonight.
Which meant we wouldn’t get to Wichita until almost midnight.
“Yeah. I’m fine,” I said.
“You don’t sound fine,” he said.
“You know what? No, I’m not fine. I don’t understand why you couldn’t just listen to me. I don’t understand why it would’ve been so damn bad to just stay another night with me in a hotel.”
