Blue chose a French Raspberry and Ecuadorian Caramel choc top with exploding Swiss chocolate sprinkles. Bessie chose the Amazonian Dark Chocolate with Indian chilli and Himalayan salt rolled in Jamaican coconut.
As they munched on their glamorous, cosmopolitan ice-creams, the lights began to dim.
The curtains parted and two clowns bounded onto the stage.
Waving hello with their oversized ears, the clowns announced their first trick was the Plastic Bag Juggle. As they threw the plastic shopping bags upwards they filled with air. The clowns danced as silly as they could while the bags floated slowly down. Such sights are hard to describe. You really had to see it with your own eyes to know how funny it looked.
Next, the clowns juggled glasses of milk. As they threw one glass of milk in the air, they would take a sip from the other. One clown got the giggles and milk sprayed out of his nose. Bessie whooped. Blue was having a ball, a big smile stretched across her face. After that, the clowns fell off ladders, whacked each other with planks of wood and clowned about as clowns do.
Although she didn’t laugh, Blue was beaming. The ice-cream man came out again, this time with a huge box of chocolates – Moroccan Double Jelly-Ginger chocolates, Baked Caramel and Australian Macadamia Nut chocolates, Icelandic white chocolates with Russian mandarin and Sri Lankan star anise.
As Blue sank her teeth into an Alaskan Blueberry and Chocolate Crunch, two men walked onto the stage. One was incredibly tall. The other was incredibly small.
‘Can you pull up me left sock while you’re down there?’ said the tall man with a snicker.
The small man kicked him in the shins. ‘Just get on with the jokes, will you, you overgrown giraffe. And let me know if any rain’s coming. I left me washing on the line this morning.’
‘Okay, okay, don’t get cranky now,’ said the tall man, before turning to Blue and Bessie. ‘You wouldn’t believe we’re brothers, would you? I mean, it’s not my fault I was born with altitudinous majesty while he was born butt-high to a wombat.’
The small guy kicked him again.
‘Okay, what do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?’ said the tall man.
‘I don’t know, what do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?’ replied the small man.
‘Anything you like – he can’t hear you!’
‘Yeah, right,’ said the small man. ‘I guess if I was as tall as you, I might think that was funny too. There’s obviously not enough oxygen at that altitude; does funny things to the brain.’
‘Get out of here,’ said the tall man. ‘I know you don’t want to laugh too hard in case someone mistakes you for a hamster with the hiccups. It wouldn’t be the first time, bro. How about this one – What do frogs drink?’
‘Croak-a-cola!’ yelled the small man.
‘Okay, so they have that joke down there too, do they?’ said the tall man. ‘What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?’
‘A stick!’ yelled the small man.
‘Hey, stop stealing my punchlines! We rehearsed this, remember? You say, “I don’t know”, and then I deliver the punchline.’
‘Okay, hurry up will you, funny man?’ said the small man. ‘You’re always complaining about something. Just because you’re tall you think you should get all the laughs, don’t you? Well, let me tell you something. I’m a naturally funny guy. People just look at me and laugh.’
‘No kidding!’ said the tall man. ‘What do you give an elephant that’s going to be sick?’
‘Plenty of space!’
‘What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?’
‘A jellybutton!’
‘Why do witches ride broomsticks?’
‘Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!’
‘What’s small and cuddly and bright purple?’
‘A koala holding his breath!’
‘How does a group of dolphins make a decision?’
‘Flipper coin!’
‘Why can’t penguins fly?’
‘They can’t afford plane tickets!’
Bessie was honking like the donkey at the front desk. Blue smiled from ear to ear. She felt as though her face would crack if she smiled any harder.
Next up was ‘Animal Laughs. Rated PG’. Bessie and Blue watched Chihuahuas teetering along in high heels, hula-hooping cats in bikinis, and sea lions doing sit-ups.
Then came the humans. First, there were videos of people laughing. Weirdo laughers who honked and snorted. People rolling round on the floor, laughing. People trying desperately not to laugh. Entire dinner tables full of people convulsing and shrieking. Audiences falling off their chairs with laughter!
Of course, laughing is like yawning. It’s highly contagious. Bessie felt as if she was being gassed alive! With her eyes mashed shut by her laughing cheeks, it took her a while to notice the tears running down Blue’s face.
Bessie signalled for the show to stop. She put her arm around Blue. ‘Oh, luv.’
‘I’m sorry, Bessie. I’m just remembering what it’s like to laugh like that. To laugh so hard you can barely breathe. Maybe I’ll never laugh again, not like that.’
Bessie pulled out her hankie and gave it to Blue. ‘Oh yes, you will, luv. Funny bones can be fixed, just the same as every other bone. My word they can. It just requires a special kind of doctor to do it. Come on now, give me a hug.’
Bessie put her arms round Blue and hugged her tight. It is so unfair, Bessie thought, for a young girl to suffer from No Laughing Syndrome. Childhood was meant to be full of laughter. A healthy child laughs at least three hundred times a day while those poor old grumpy adults barely clock up twenty! It went against the very laws of nature for a child not to laugh.
‘My poor mother and father. Imagine having a daughter like me,’ said Blue. ‘Love and laughter go together – that’s what my mother says. I’m sorry for being such a sourpuss, Bessie. I try so
