“Sorry, I’m sure it must be difficult.”
“No, you don’t have to apologize. I’d just rather hear about your childhood. I’m sure it’s much more interesting than mine is.”
I try my best to deflect the line of questioning, and it seems to work as he sits up further.
“Oh, it’s your typical broken home story,” he says. “It’s a wonder I turned out so normal.”
“Did you?” I joke.
“Relatively. But I think that’s why I want a child so much. I had a pretty lousy childhood, and I feel that I need to remedy that, to prove that it wasn’t my fault. If I can be a good father, it might do some work erasing some of the bad memories I have of my own childhood. You know?”
His voice is soft, almost vulnerable. It’s the most open he has ever been with me.
“And a wife?” I ask. “Any plans for that?”
“Hang on,” he says, grinning. “I barely know you. A kid is one thing but slow down.”
“Shut up,” I say, slapping him on the chest. “You know what I mean.”
“I do. And yeah, one day maybe. I’ve never really had a long-term relationship before. So, let’s concentrate on that first. Then, if you’re nice to me, I’ll ask you to marry me.” He chuckles to himself.
“You can,” I begin. “But I probably won’t say yes. I’m holding out for someone really special.”
“Oh, well I wish you good luck, then.” He kisses me on the forehead, as if giving me his blessing. I slap him on the chest again.
“Anything else I need to know about you?” I ask. “I am trying to have a baby with you after all.”
I decide to change the topic. The conversation is getting very intimate, and I can’t help but feel the need to change it. Every time he opens up, I feel myself falling harder for him. I can’t let that happen.
“Hmm, I love pineapple on my pizza,” he says.
“That’s it,” I say quickly, sitting up and pretending to climb from the bed. “We’re done here. You’re clearly unhinged and your mouth is broken.”
“I don’t think so,” he says, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me back. “And just so you know, my son is going to love it, too.”
“Son?” I ask suddenly. “You think it’s going to be a boy?”
“A son. A daughter. As long as it’s healthy and happy, I don’t care. I just want a child,” he says seriously.
I stop what I am doing and stare at him properly for the first time. At the mention of a possible child, my heart begins to ache. I don’t know why, but until this point, this whole thing has felt kind of fake. Like it wasn’t really real. But thinking about the gender of the child? That makes it so much more tangible.
It hits me hard. To me, this has been about the money, but to Blake, he really wants a child. He really wants to be a father. And not just a father, but a good father. And what’s more, this will make me a mother.
He leans forward and kisses me on the forehead, wrapping his arm around me. I fall into him, allowing for him to pull me back into bed. Despite myself, I feel a tear rolling down my cheek.
Chapter 27
BLAKE
I don’t know who is more nervous, Carrie or me? On the one hand, I know that she is nervous about meeting Ben and my other friends. Over the past week, we have slowly become closer and closer. I don’t want to call her my girlfriend, but essentially, that is what she is. Bringing her over to meet Ben is a sign of this.
Her nerves directly correlate with mine. She is worried about what Ben will think of her. I know what kind of a person Ben is. He likes mischief. He is more likely than not to latch on to how Carrie and I met, why we are together, and try to poke fun at me and our relationship because of it.
Usually, this would be fine, if only Carrie and I had spoken about it. But as we haven’t. Well, not about how serious we are becoming anyway. Today will either make or break us.
And there’s also the fact that I haven’t told anyone that we are trying for a baby.
The two of us are silent as I navigate the Aston Martin along the freeway to where Ben lives. It’s only a short drive, but it feels like it has been hours.
“Just so you know,” I say, in an attempt to break the silence. “As soon as you want to leave, all you have to do is tell me. If you’re bored, or not having a good time or whatever.”
“Why would I not have a good time?” She asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
“No reason. But just in case, you know?”
“Don’t worry,” She smiles and reached across to take my hand. “I am sure that today will be fine. They’re your friends, and you like them. So, I assume that I’ll like them just as much.”
I take my eyes off the road and glance at her, smiling as I do. I can’t even put into words how much I appreciate her in this moment. It’s as if she can read my mind and knows what I am thinking. Maybe today won’t be so bad after all?
***
“There he is! I was about to send out a search party!” Ben calls out from across the yard the moment that we enter.
Ben is now a full-on suburban dad. He lives in a modern, single-story home, complete with a wooden picket fence, a spacious backyard and a happy family. The barbecue features roughly twenty people, only half of whom I recognize.
I get the sense that most of the men are fathers, just like Ben, and that’s how he knows them. Ever since Ben became a father, I have noticed the two of us drifting apart. That’s just the way things go
