“If it wasn’t petty why should that bother you?” Ethan gestures broadly with his hands.
“Because I’m going to have to stand around with a smile plastered on my face for the next two hours pretending like I don’t know they’re all whispering to each other about me,” I say firmly.
“Call them out! What the hell is wrong with that?” Ethan shakes his head.
“What’s wrong with that is that I’m not about to make my niece’s second birthday party all about me. It’s bad enough that everyone’s going to try to make it about her dead mom,” I tell him.
“Then why did you even plan this enormous thing?” Ethan’s gestures get broader and he points to the shelter, the pony off to the side, the face painter setting up, all the things we’d discussed and finally agreed on.
“Because her birthday is important, and I want her to have a good day,” I reply.
“And she’s going to have a good day while you’re bitching to yourself the whole time about how everyone’s going to think you’re petty for cutting her mother out of your life?” Ethan raises an eyebrow, and I feel my anger building into a head of steam inside of me. I can barely contain it.
“We wouldn’t even be having this discussion if you’d managed to just stay the hell away from my sister,” I say, the words leaving me almost before I can fully think them.
“Oh, Jesus Christ. I slept with your sister. She got pregnant. We got married and had a baby. You’re complaining about how everyone’s going to make this about you and Alexis and here you are doing that already!”
“No! I’m making this about you, because it is about you,” I counter, standing up and barely managing to keep myself from slamming my car door shut.
“Why the hell is it about me?” Ethan stares at me.
“Everyone’s trying to figure out if you and I are going to get back together now that Alexis is dead, and they’re going to be thinking how screwed up this whole thing is, and it’s all because you couldn’t just move on with your life after we broke up and just… ran to my sister, or something,” I say, managing, at the last moment, to keep my voice under a shout.
“You’re the one who can’t move on with your life,” Ethan counters.
“I am?”
Ethan laughs bitterly. “You pushed Alexis and me both out of your life. If you had such an issue with me dating someone else, why did you break up with me? We were over.” Ethan shakes his head.
“If you really wanted to move on with your life, why did you fuck her in the first place? Why didn’t you just avoid everyone connected with me?” I cross my arms over my chest and pin Ethan down with a stare.
“Why should I do that?” Ethan shakes his head again.
“I did it, why couldn’t you?” I feel my eyes stinging and I blink a few times, looking away from Ethan. I’ll be damned if I’m going to ruin my mascara right before people start coming to the party. I’m not about to sit in my car and try to fix it, either. I take a deep breath, trying to settle my nerves and get my temper under control.
“It’s going to be fine,” Ethan says.
I close my eyes for a moment and take another deep breath.
“Let’s just focus on the party. Maybe we should give each other some space,” I tell him, opening my eyes and meeting his gaze.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Ethan agrees. I check to make sure I have my key fob and then lock the car, and turn away from him to go back to where the party will start in a matter of minutes.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ethan
“Riley’s getting so big,” one of Alexis’ friends from high school, Giselle, says, beaming at me as she bites into a nugget of fried macaroni and cheese.
“She really is,” I agree, nodding. There are a handful of men at my daughter’s birthday party, but most of them are related to her. I was only able to convince two guys from work to come out for the thing, and I can’t really talk to them about what’s on my mind.
“It’s good to see her so happy,” Giselle adds.
“I’m glad we could put this together for her. She deserves it,” I tell her, falling back on what I know is the polite thing to say.
“It must have been tense for you and Lara to figure out how to manage it all,” Giselle says.
Almost against my will, I glance across the shelter, where Lara’s chatting with the couple of work friends she convinced to come to the party.
“Not really, once we figured out what our budget was going to be, it was pretty easy,” I say.
“I mean, I know I went out of my mind on Leo when we were planning the twins’ birthday,” Giselle says. “I can’t imagine working with someone who isn’t even your spouse on something like this.”
“I think it’s actually easier,” I tell her, trying to find a way out of the conversation. I have to admit, even if I hate it, that Lara had a point in her big blow up right before the party started. Everyone seems to be hinting at Alexis or her death, or the prior connection that Lara and I had, without coming right out and saying anything directly.
“I’m glad to hear that you two are working out how to take care of Riley together,” Giselle says.
I do my polite smiling nod again and look around.
“She’s been really great with Riley, but we knew she would be. That’s why we included it in the will,” I say absently.
“It does seem a little weird to me that Alexis would insist on Lara taking care of Riley if you’re still alive, even,” Giselle says.
I shrug off the question. “She knew how much Lara loves Riley, and she figured that Riley would need a steady,
