My parents don’t have much to say to that, and anyway it’s nearly time to leave for Nathan’s house. I know things are going to be tense, and I want Lara to have at least a little bit of time to get herself composed and under control before we get there. I send her a text letting her know we should be there soon.
She messages back that she’s as ready as she’ll ever be, and once again, even if it’s not quite in the same way, she reminds me a bit of Alexis. I’m not really sure how to feel about the way that I’m getting over losing the mother of my child. I feel like I should be destroyed for years to come. I feel like if I were a good person, I wouldn’t even be able to notice another woman, much less my sister-in-law, for at least a good year or two.
But I know I can’t help what I’m feeling. And even if it’s just that Lara is familiar, and comforting, and that I know her and know I can trust her, that’s why I feel that way. I know I feel better working with her, talking to her about Riley, even having dinner with the three of us at the table, than in any other situation my life puts me in. It’s not the same as having Alexis in my life still, it’s something different.
But it’s something that I know I need, that I know is good for me, my daughter and for Lara, and I’m not going to let Riley’s grandparents, any of them, take that away from us. We just have to make sure that if we do end up having to go to court, we go in to win.
Before I know it, I’m in the car headed to Nathan’s house, and Riley is chattering to my mom, and Dad is sitting next to me in the passenger seat looking annoyed but keeping his temper. I sure as hell hope that Lara is ready for what Thanksgiving is going to be like, because I’m not sure any of us really can be. I know we just have to get through it. The court dates are ahead of us all if we don’t manage to bring everyone together, and the first one is just a little bit before Christmas. We have to pull this off, one way or another.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lara
I answer the door when Ethan and his parents knock, and I say a little half-conscious prayer to myself that everything will manage in the end to come out all right. It’s not even addressed to anyone, apart from maybe my dead sister. Please just let us all get through this without someone losing a limb or an eye.
Right away the tension in the living room is so much higher than I would have even imagined possible. Ethan’s parents take their seats and Ethan and I are on the couch between them, while Riley runs around, wanting to get moving after sitting in the car for about fifteen minutes. But in a matter of minutes, as my dad and Ethan’s dad exchange bland small talk, Riley starts to notice, already, that something is wrong.
At first, she’s just going from person to person, asking them to pick her up, and then squirming and wriggling in discomfort once she’s on someone’s lap. This happens one after the other to all of us, even Ethan, as Riley tries to figure out, in her smartest two-year-old thoughts, what the hell is happening. I can see her trying to piece it together but there’s nothing I can do, at least for now.
I get up and get the turkey out of the oven, and keep an ear open for the conversation in the living room. Ethan’s parents brought some corn casserole and some sweet potatoes to add to the big feast, already way bigger than all of us can even think to consume, spread on the table. Once the turkey joins everything else, I try to imagine what it’s going to be like divvying up leftovers. It’s going to be ridiculous. But I can’t stay too long in the kitchen or dining room. I know that with tension like what’s going on between my dad and Ethan’s parents, if I’m gone long enough something is bound to come up. Besides, I can hear Riley beginning to whine in the way she does when she’s tired and confused.
“We just have to wait for dinner to cool off and then we can all eat,” I say, coming into the room. I scoop up Riley and suggest that she might want to play with some of my old dolls. I hate to leave Ethan alone to make sure that my dad and his parents don’t start arguing, but the need to keep moving is too strong.
We go into my room and I find one of the few remaining boxes of my old toys. Most of them were given away when I’d grown out of them, and I find a couple of dolls for Riley to play with while she’s waiting for the rest of us to get dinner served. I come back into the living room as quickly as I can, and I can feel the tension has ratcheted up. For the moment, at least, both my dad and Ethan’s are still talking about the game, or the dog show on later, or things like that. We may be able to get through this whole ordeal without things getting too serious.
“Josie, would you help me out with the last
