I started for the door because...air. I needed fresh air, and I needed distance, and…
I needed this girl.
But I needed her to know how she felt.
I needed her to feel the same.
I needed to not be competing with some random bassist I didn’t even know. Who neither of us really knew.
“Wait, where are you going?” she called from behind me.
I stopped and dropped my head as I struggled to slow my racing heart. That was her first kiss. I was her first kiss. I couldn’t just rush off and leave her feeling hurt. So I turned back and found her standing in the middle of the room behind me. I crossed over to her and cupped her face in my palms so she was forced to meet my gaze.
“I’m going home,” I answered. “And tomorrow I’ll stay at home while you go to the concert—”
She looked like she was going to interrupt but I cut her off with a shake of my head. “I’m not going to wish you luck, Simone, because—” I let out a humorless little huff of laughter. “Well, because I really hope you don’t get lucky with some other guy. But I do hope you figure out what you want...who you want.” I kissed the tip of her nose again. “And I hope you realize that you are worth so much more than this.” I nodded toward the stack of magazines. “You deserve to have a guy who will study magazines just to figure out how to talk to you. You deserve...” I sighed. “You just deserve better.”
“Andrew—” she started.
But I was walking away. I was already out the door.
It wasn’t cowardice that had me walking out before she could respond. I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to be nice.
She wasn’t ready. It hadn’t been fair of me to hit her with my feelings like that. It wasn’t cool to put her on the spot.
“Go to the concert,” I said as I paused in her doorway. “Go put these lessons to use, and on Monday…let me know what you’ve decided.”
12
Simone
Rose smacked my hand away from the spaghetti strap that was keeping my dress in place. “Stop fidgeting. You look hot.”
I stopped fidgeting, but I was still one hundred percent ill at ease. We hadn’t even left for the club yet and I was already hating this night.
I needed more time to think. I needed space and a pros and cons list. I needed…
Oh, I had no idea what I needed but whatever it was, I needed it desperately. My belly was churning and my breath was erratic and I was either going to burst out crying, hiccuping, or doing a Ray Liotta impersonation.
Rose nudged my arm. “What are you doing over here with us? Go say hi,” she said in a stage whisper that I was sure half the room could hear.
Us was Rose, her best friend Hannah, Hannah’s boyfriend River, and Jax. The four of them were hanging out waiting for the rest of the band before we all took off to the club which was two towns over.
She nudged me again and I saw Tony in the far corner of the garage helping their drummer pack up some of his equipment.
Tony.
That’s who I was here to see tonight.
I eyed him steadily. He looked...the same as every other time I’d seen him. Cute. Brooding. He had a hooded gaze, too, I noticed, but unlike Andrew’s casual confidence and laid-back ease, Tony’s was more likely due to not enough sleep or smoking too much weed.
Rose nudged me again and I stumbled forward.
“Rose,” Hannah hissed. “Don’t push her if she’s not ready.”
Rose rolled her eyes. “I’m not telling her to go over there and kiss the guy, she just needs to talk to him.”
Kiss. The word alone was enough to send me spiraling.
Andrew had kissed me. Andrew had kissed me. No matter how I said it to myself, no matter where I put the emphasis, it still shocked me to my core. My lips tingled with the visceral memory of that precious moment—so brief and so monumental.
My first kiss, and it had been...perfection. There was no other word for it. It hadn’t just been a kiss. It was a gesture. It was a way of communicating.
I had a whole new appreciation for kissing now because it wasn’t just about the physical act, it was about the person you were kissing. It was about what they were trying to say.
And Andrew’s kiss? It told me loud and clear that he cared about me. That he liked me. It told me that in his eyes I was something special, somebody to be treasured and appreciated and...and maybe even cherished.
Gah! That sounded beyond cheesy, even in my head.
But it was the truth. He liked me, and as for me…?
I found myself staring at Tony for so long that Rose nudged me again. Jax and River were talking amongst themselves but Rose and Hannah were watching me steadily. “Go talk to him,” Rose said again. “Unless...you don’t want to?”
I pressed my lips together and let out a huff of exasperation. I didn’t know what I wanted. Every time I tried to sort out my thoughts it just made them spin out of control even more. It felt like trying to pin down a cloud.
“How did you know?” I asked them abruptly.
They exchanged a look. “How did we know what?” Hannah asked.
“That you liked River.” I turned to Rose. “Or that you had feelings for Jax.”
They exchanged another look that made my hands clench at my sides.
“I don’t think it’s something you know…” Hannah started slowly.
“What?” Anxiety made my voice too sharp. “Then how did you decide to be with them?”
“She meant, it’s not something you figure out with your brain,” Rose said. She studied me with pursed lips for a moment. “You know how when you’re coaching me on my monologues you always tell me to tap into
