“I’ve missed you,” he whispered when he pulled back.
I’ve missed you too.
Crap. I wanted to say it. I almost did.
What was wrong with me?
“That was a long time ago,” I said, my voice shaky, my legs unsteady as I tried to back away. “A lot has changed since then.”
“Has it?” His eyes moved between mine like he was reading something there. “From where I’m standing, it seems like one thing has changed. You and I got better at being…us. At playing the roles we gave ourselves.”
I pursed my lips. “Is that an insult?”
His laughter was a huff of air as he ran a hand through his hair. “No. It’s… I’m saying we’re a lot alike, you and I. Don’t you see it?”
I swallowed, my heart somewhere between my lungs and my throat and desperate for escape.
“I was going to break up with you because I was terrified of how I felt,” he said. “I’d always said I didn’t want to fall in love because I didn’t want to end up like my parents.”
“Join the club,” I muttered.
“I thought love and relationships meant fighting and drama.”
“I am drama,” I reminded him, not without a hint of pride. But really—he didn’t want drama. I was drama. End of conversation.
So why was I standing here waiting for him to argue?
Wanting him to argue.
“You’re not drama,” he said quietly. “You’re real and you have issues just like everyone else. You’re charismatic and you’re loud and you’re passionate about so many things and…” He sighed in impatience. “You’re not the drama I feared. The way I felt about you was what scared me. My parents are so crazy about each other, but when they fight…” He shook his head and looked away. I wanted to prompt him to talk but he was already moving on. “You know what I used to think? Back when we were dating?”
I couldn’t speak so I gave my head a little shake.
“I thought…I thought that you made me feel like I was the sun. You had this way of making me feel important, and seen, and…loved.” He licked his lips and his nostrils flared with his next inhale. “And when that just ended, I felt cold. Like I’d just lost all the light and warmth in my life.”
My eyes widened because…whoa. I’d had no idea my breaking up with him had hurt him so badly. I’d been trying to save us both from hurt—okay, fine. I was trying to save myself from hurt. But same difference. Right?
“So, yeah,” he continued. “I got angry. I was stupid and immature, and…” He gave a funny little grimace. “It’s possible I still am.”
Against all odds, that show of honesty startled a laugh out of me.
He closed his eyes with a rueful smile. “Fine, I definitely am.” He opened his eyes again to look at me. “But I’m working on it. I’m trying to change.”
“You don’t need to change.” It came out as a low murmur but I knew he heard it. I shifted uncomfortably, embarrassed and uncomfortable by this strange intimacy.
“I was wrong, though,” he continued. “It wasn’t that I was the sun—it was you. It was always you. Rose Parson, you are the sun.”
I laughed because he was smiling at me now, his eyes filled with such affection it made me want to weep.
“You are the most charismatic person I’ve ever met. You have this energy, this presence…” He shook his head. “You need to be on stage because the real world is too small for you. You are vivid and bold and passionate and beautiful and…”
I bit my lip when he trailed off, a weird sensation making my heart feel like it was tripping inside my chest.
“I like you, Rose.” He licked his lips. “I really like you.”
I like you, too.
The words were right there on the tip of my tongue, but I froze. I couldn’t say it. My chest was still aching from the way he’d hurt me—and we hadn’t even been dating, not really.
“I can’t.” The words slipped out and they felt horrible. But it was the truth. “You don’t want a relationship like your parents, but, Jax…I am drama. That’s who I am—”
“No, it’s not the same—”
“And as much as you don’t want to end up like your parents, I don’t want to end up like my mom. I can’t let a guy get in the way of my dreams. I can’t risk getting hurt or losing myself…” I shook my head as I backed away, my heart hammering away as I shook my head. “I can’t, Jax. I’m sorry.”
18
Jax
I knew I was probably a creeper, but I couldn’t stop staring.
Rose was at her normal table with Hannah, but she wasn’t laughing. She didn’t even look alive. For a girl who exuded energy like a living furnace, she looked lifeless and miserable as she poked at the food on her plate.
A salad again.
That girl ate too many salads. Every once in a while she had a yogurt instead, but that wasn’t nearly enough.
The fact that I knew her daily eating habits was weird. But there you had it. I was officially obsessed and she officially wanted nothing to do with me.
“Give it up, man,” Ryan said from the other end of the table. He’d clearly been watching me watch Rose. “She kicked you to the curb after a week. I think you set a new record, bro.”
His friends laughed.
Andrew shook his head as he stared down at his food.
Simone leaned over, her hand on my arm. “Have I mentioned that I’m proud of you?”
I gave her a wan smile. “Just a couple hundred times.”
She grinned. “Well, I am. I’m so proud of you.” She ruffled my hair, making me groan. “My little immature bestie is finally growing up.”
I gave a grunt of rueful amusement. “If this is growing up, I am not a fan.”
She winced. “Yeah, it definitely has its downsides.”
“Don’t be so down, dude,” Ryan’s friend Pete said, chucking a fry in my direction to get
