She picked up another letter and settled against the pillow.
1970, Pune
Dear Asit,
I’m so proud of you! You finally did it! You’re an Engineer! Despite all the upheavals in your life (and mine), you passed your examinations with flying colours. Yes, I’ve been keeping tabs on you, though you never knew it. I mean, not only on a professional front - I am your professor after all - but on a personal front, too. I know you’re out of my life and I know that I managed to convince you to move out. But I can’t help remembering the lovely warm times we all spent in my house for two years.
My new tenant is a nice girl. She would’ve made you a good friend - certainly better than that fancy doll you’re dating now. But then, it’s none of my business, is it? I wish it was, but it isn’t…
All the best for you. I hope you do well, in whatever you do. Whether we ever meet again or not.
Amrita and Venky send hugs and kisses.
All my love,
Tara
The next letter was dated several years later. Sonia poured herself a glass of water and drank it before she read the letter.
Pune, 1980
Dear Asit,
Look at the way the years have flown since you returned into my life after your graduation. We started off like old friends and I thought that’s all it would remain. But it didn’t, did it? You proposed to me - a proposal filled with love and sincerity! But I think you’re crazy! I am fifty-three!
Why did you return? Why did you take up a job in Pune? Why do we have to go through this all over again? Why did I allow you to step back into my life? Now it will be harder to let you go! I know that you’re no longer my student nor my tenant and that you don’t care a damn what society thinks, but I do! For the sake of my children. Please help me to be strong. I love you so much, but I love my children, too! They are adults now and understand a lot of things. They are good souls and would never grudge me happiness, but I don’t wish to put them through the acid test. They are just beginning to enjoy their life, college, friends, and I don’t want to embarrass them. So help me! Go away - go back to your home in Mumbai, pursue your career, do well, marry a nice beautiful girl and settle down. God knows, it’s already too late! But you have to try!
I shall live the rest of my life with our wonderful memories.
God bless you,
Tara.
A feeling of sadness swept over Sonia. So much agonising over what is right and wrong, what is approved and not. This letter revealed the internal strife of a woman at war with her own feelings and with the trappings of societal behaviour. So much love had burned within her. A love that could have resuscitated and flourished, had the answered call of love been accepted. With a sigh, Sonia picked up another letter. The ink was darker blue and the paper fresher than the others.
Pune, 1990
Dear Asit,
You will be surprised to receive this letter. It’s been ages, hasn’t it? More than a decade since we last spoke or communicated! I hope you’re doing fine. Are you married? Do you have kids? Are you just as handsome as ever? Are you doing well in your career? How’s the photography going?
So much time has passed. The memories seem to be fading too fast to hold on to. But I haven’t forgotten anything at all. I do remember you every dawn on 15th August - your birthday. Born on Independence Day - what a great year to be born in and what a great person you are. But I have missed you so much and sometimes the pain of missing was so strong, it left me aching for you!
I still remember those parties thrown by your friend and the way we danced all night. I remember every detail of those precious moments of the years spent with you, and I thank God for them. As I sit at my window, watching the world race by, my kids all grown and gone on their own path, doing so well that they have no time to look back, and my grandchildren flourishing - well, I think of you, I think of me - old and haggard, and I wonder if it was worth it. Giving it all up. Our love. Should I have listened to you? Wouldn’t it have been better now? I would have still had you, to talk to, to share my thoughts with, my emotions and pain. A shoulder to lean on, to feel less lonely. I don’t even know where to post this letter to you. I’d like to meet you and have a tete a tete with you - for old times’ sake.
I wonder if I can without allowing my feelings for you to scare you!
All my love,
Tara.
Sonia’s eyes were moist as she picked up the last letter. It was past midnight, but she felt wide awake. Poor Tara. Lonely, filled with regrets and doubt.
Pune, 2002
Dear Asit,
This may be my last letter to you. I don’t feel too well. I’m seventy-seven, but feel as if I’m a hundred. I still don’t have your address, and perhaps now it’s too late. I can barely hold a pen in my hands. Arthritis is very painful. I wonder what you would think of me today? A lonely old woman, I guess…
But I will complete this letter. I don’t know what you feel towards me anymore, but I will say this. I always loved you, despite the differences. Though I shall cherish every memory till my last moment, I can’t help
