“Your opinion of yourself is the only thing that’s ugly about you,” I fired back. “Now, if you want to keep looking at yourself that way, you go right ahead. But do me a favor and keep them ridiculous comments to yourself. I done told you over and over how beautiful you look to me. So it don’t matter what you really look like to yourself or nobody else anyway. Shit.”
Joyce giggled. “All right. You made your point. Now can we go back to bed?”
I lifted her up off the floor, carried her back to bed, and we made love some more.
Chapter 15
Joyce
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR A WOMAN TO BE AS happy as I was. Each day was better than the last. Odell gave me so much attention and he was so affectionate, I didn’t care if I looked like a baboon. He still made me feel beautiful, and that was all that mattered. My happiness must have been contagious, because people who used to look like they were constipated or disgusted when they were around me smiled and cracked jokes now. Even the birds that perched on my bedroom windowsill chirped louder and longer than before. My life was almost too good to be true. If I hadn’t known any better, I would have sworn that somebody had paid a visit to one of the hoodoo women out by the swamps on my behalf. I knew that was unlikely. For one thing, I only knew a few people who dabbled in foolishness like that. Aunt Mattie was one of those people. During our wedding reception, I had noticed her in the hall outside the bathroom taking to Odell. When I’d asked him about it, he’d told me that she had been complaining because she didn’t get any of the meatballs and deviled duck eggs that Mosella had brought. If they’d been discussing hoodoo, I didn’t want to know. I scolded myself for even letting a thought like that enter my mind. Especially since Odell and I were too scientific to believe in any kind of black magic.
What I did believe in was that God had answered my prayers and with Him, I didn’t need anybody else to help me. My life was moving so fast now, I could barely keep up with it. And I didn’t want it to slow down.
I finally knew what it felt like to have some real self-esteem. At the rate mine was growing, by the time my baby arrived I’d be as confident as the most beautiful women in town. Now that I felt better about myself, I took more pride in the way I looked. But I’d gained twenty pounds since I got pregnant, and it didn’t look good on me. My body was still slim and as straight up and down as a rod, but with a big bump in the middle. What I couldn’t understand was why with all my height, most of the extra weight had settled mainly in three places. I had expected my stomach to swell, but not my neck and face, too. My legs and arms still looked like beanpoles, though. None of that bothered Odell. He still couldn’t keep his hands off me. The only other thing on me that had gotten much bigger was my head. Odell had me thinking my shit didn’t stink. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him.
Mama and Daddy had told us that we could stay with them as long as we wanted. Odell didn’t care, but I did. I was anxious to move into my own house so I could fix it up the way I wanted, especially the nursery. When we got back from our honeymoon the Tuesday after our wedding, we went to that tacky boardinghouse where he’d been living and packed all his stuff. Odell didn’t have much, so we only had to make one trip.
Summer school was in session and I worked every day even though we had only half as many students during the summer months. And even less since the Depression started. I planned to work as long as I could before I had to take maternity leave. I loved my job even though the Mahoney Street Elementary School building was shabby. Everybody got nervous during tornado season because we knew that a strong enough wind could blow the building down, like it had done to so many other places over the years.
The only other elementary school for colored kids in Branson was actually a church and didn’t even have indoor plumbing. When somebody had to go, they used the outhouse a few hundred feet behind the church, or ducked behind the nearest bush. It was no wonder they couldn’t keep good teachers on the staff for more than a year or two, and they’d never had a principal. I was lucky. The same teachers and principal who had been employed when Mahoney hired me more than ten years ago were still on the payroll. Another thing I loved about my job was the convenient location. It was close enough for me to walk when I felt like it. But most of the time, especially on rainy days, I rode with Patsy Boykin in her five-year-old DeSoto, or one of the other aides. Patsy and I had graduated the same year, but she’d gotten married right away and already had five kids. She was the closest thing I’d ever had to a best friend. When she wasn’t too busy or tired, I’d badger her to pick me up so we could go shopping or to a restaurant. I wouldn’t have to do that now because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with Odell.
With my nest egg and Odell’s new salary, we could afford a place in the same nice, quiet
