“We want different things, Casey,” she said, her chin trembling ever so little. “I want my therapy center, and that goes against everything you want in life! It goes against your vision for this county, everything you value and respect—”
“Then run a ranch with me,” he said. “There’s honor in feeding the nation, in raising cattle—”
“And there is honor in helping families to reconnect!” she interrupted him. “It’s what I do, Casey. It’s not going away!”
“I’m not saying there isn’t honor in what you do,” he said feebly.
“Also, you need a mother for those babies.”
Those words landed more heavily than anything else, and he looked down at the sleeping boys in their car seats, their long lashes brushing chubby cheeks. Will was opening and closing one little fist as he slumbered, and Wyatt heaved one tiny, shuddering sigh. Those boys needed a mother... He needed a woman to parent with him. She was right there. But he’d been watching her blossom with the babies over the last couple of days, and he shook his head.
“Ember, you could love them...”
“I daresay I already do,” she said, wiping a tear from her cheek. “But I can’t do it, Casey. I can’t be a mother to another child. Don’t you understand what I did when I gave up my little boy? I shut the door on motherhood—”
“And maybe that was a mistake!” he countered.
“Mistake or not, it was a choice I made!” she shot back. “And don’t say I was too young to make it, because at the age of twenty I could have joined the army or gotten married! I was plenty old enough to make a life-altering decision. I know you want to think the best of me, Casey, but I had nine months to think it through. And yes, I regret it—deeply. But that’s the choice I made, and I can’t just back out on it. I can’t stand in as mother to your boys, because I wouldn’t be a good one, Casey. They deserve better than what I can offer.”
“You could be—” he began.
“No!” Tears shone in her eyes and she shook her head vehemently. “Because every single time I look at those babies, I think of my own! I can do it for a few days. I can put my heart aside for a little while, but for the rest of my life? I am a mother, Casey, but I’m not a good one.”
“But you love me,” he said, his voice almost a growl.
“I love you,” she said with a teary nod. “But it isn’t enough.”
The church doors opened and the first few people came outside, chatting voices floating over the grass-scented breeze toward them. They weren’t alone anymore, and Casey straightened, then shot Ember one more miserable look.
“So what now?” he asked softly.
“I’ll submit my offer in the morning.”
Casey nodded, a lump shutting off his throat.
“And if you changed your mind and agreed to work for me—”
“No, Ember.” No matter how much he longed to change his mind right now, he knew he’d only regret it. He couldn’t be her manager, her protector, her source of advice. He couldn’t work for her, next to her, feeling as he did and knowing it was hopeless. It would be torture, and he’d get hardened and meaner...or he’d weaken in his own moral resolves. He didn’t want to be that man.
“Then I’ll go back to Mr. Vern’s house and I’ll pack up,” she said with a quiver in her voice. “I got a text from the auto shop before the service started. My car is done. I’ll pick it up in the morning, after I’ve talked to Mr. Vern. I can finish up the sale from Billings. I’ve seen what I needed to see, thanks to you, Casey.”
“Will I see you before you go?” he asked softly.
“If you want to—” she met his gaze, then pressed her lips together as if trying to hold back tears “—if you don’t think it would be hard for nothing...”
“It wouldn’t be for nothing,” he said curtly. “It would be for a proper goodbye.”
“Okay.”
More people were flooding out of the church now, and a few were looking over at them in curiosity. This was a small community, and gossip would fly around the rural community like wildfire. Casey sighed.
“Let me drive you back to the ranch, then,” he said.
It would be a difficult drive, sitting next to the woman he loved but couldn’t be with.
She’d buy the ranch, and Casey would have to build his life somewhere else. Just not next to her, because he couldn’t endure any more heartbreak.
Chapter Fourteen
Ember hadn’t slept much the night before. She’d lain awake listening to the sound of wind outside, the soft moan that echoed her own heartbreak. Falling for Casey had been a bad idea, but it hadn’t been a choice. There was something about Casey that filled a part of her heart that she hadn’t peeked into before. He’d opened his heart to her, too, and that made this all the harder. If a few vital things had been different, she’d have married him.
“Did I really just think that?” she murmured. Morning had dawned clear and unforgiving. She stood in front of a small mirror, checking her makeup. Some concealer under her eyes and some powder seemed to cover most of the evidence of last night’s tears, but she still felt puffy.
Loving Casey wasn’t going to just go away because they knew it wouldn’t work. She realized that. And now, instead of grieving for her son, she was grieving for her son, the man she’d fallen in love with and the tiny babies who had stolen her heart. Vern Ranch would never be the same for her again, because every single inch of this place had
