Jane didn’t want another marriage! She wanted some quiet, some calm, some time to focus on her children. Wasn’t that more important than indulging in some romantic daydream? It hadn’t worked out the way she’d hoped the first time, anyway. Life wasn’t a poetic romance—it was hard work. But even as she thought it, her mind was moving back to that tall, rugged cowboy, Colt. Their walk together back to the house had felt strangely intimate. He was easy to be with, easy to lean into. That was the problem. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel the sensation of Colt’s rough hand closing around hers. His reflexes had been fast, and he’d caught her, stopping her stumble and her heart all at once.
Her eyes fluttered open again. He’d held her hand for a moment—accidentally. He’d made that very clear, and it was a relief, because the last thing she needed was another man who ought to be put in his place. Colt wasn’t like that, so she should just stop remembering what that strong hand felt like.
Jane flipped purposefully through her Bible until she got to the verse she was looking for. It was in the seventy-third psalm, and it had been her foundation the last three years.
Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
She wasn’t alone as long as she had God, and she would continue to count on her Father to provide for her.
Lord, I’m just tired. I know that. Help me not to get my emotions in a tangle right now. I just need some peace...
Jane bent down and brushed Suzie’s hair away from her damp forehead. Her daughters deserved a better life than she could provide on her own, and she was grateful that God had prompted her late father-in-law to remember his granddaughters in his will. She didn’t need to find another husband to help provide for them. With that inheritance, Jane could do it on her own with pride. God had been listening to her prayers.
When Jane heard the sound of clanking pans from the kitchen, she knew that it was safe to get up and she put her Bible aside.
That morning, Jane helped Peg to clear out a shelf of old books from what had been a personal office. The room was cramped, and besides the bookshelves there were a few boxes, a desk with a clutter of paper and envelopes covering the surface and a filing cabinet in one corner. Most of the books they piled into cartons were paperbacks, a few were fishing manuals and a couple were old cookbooks that Peg said had belonged to Beau’s late wife. They boxed them up and carried them out to the black pickup truck that sat outside the house, piling box after box into the bed. The toddlers trailed after them, and as Jane loaded the last box—small, but heavy—Micha and Suzie squatted on the grass, poking at something with a twig.
“Our local library might want these,” Peg said. “They have a used book sale every year to raise money, so they could use them for that, too.”
“A life boiled down to library book sales and Goodwill runs,” Jane said. “Sobering, isn’t it?”
“My brother didn’t try real hard to endear himself to anyone,” Peg replied. “He was lonely, but it was his own fault. He was opinionated and figured anyone who disagreed with him was an idiot. That doesn’t make friends.”
“Was he always like that?” Jane asked.
“No...” Peg brushed some dust off the front of her shirt. “When we were young, he was different. He got more bitter with age. He was pretty miserable in his marriage, and when Sandra passed away, he only got more miserable.”
“Did everyone know it?” Jane asked. “How unhappy they were, I mean.”
“It was obvious,” Peg replied. “He’d never been terribly in love, at least not that I could tell. But he’d thought she’d be a good ranching wife—and she was! So to hold a grudge against her later for not stirring his heart to poetic heights seems petty to me. He could have been happy with her, if he’d just chosen to be. I was shocked she stayed with him. To live her whole married life unappreciated by her husband—seems like a waste of years, doesn’t it?”
Jane was forced to agree with that. “But she stayed...”
“She stayed. She didn’t believe in divorce.”
Micha and Suzie strayed a little further into the yard and Jane stood there watching them, feeling suddenly sad for these people she’d never met. Josh hadn’t talked much about his parents’ marriage. Maybe he’d just assumed it was normal. It might explain how distanced he’d been from her when he’d been struggling with his memories from war. She’d tried so hard to be the one he could open up to...
“Was Josh affected by their unhappiness?” she asked after a moment.
“You’d know better than me,” Peg replied.
He’d loved her—she knew that—but when he was upset about something, he’d pick fights. Life with Josh hadn’t been easy, and maybe his parents’ tumultuous marriage explained some of that.
“Well...they’re all with God now,” Jane said, swallowing a lump in her throat. Whatever problems they’d had in life were over.
Lunch that afternoon consisted of self-made sandwiches and a can of soup. The toddlers were perfectly happy with peanut butter and jam, and after cleaning up, it was time for their nap.
“Maybe I’ll just keep sorting through the office while the girls sleep,” Jane said.
“You sure you want
