Jane bent down to dig out that zippered bag of crackers again, mostly as an excuse not to look at them. There was so much sadness and frustration in this home that she could actually feel it in the air, and she shivered.
“We missed Josh,” Peg said, her voice trembling a little. “There was a hole here—it never filled in. My brother might have had his faults, but he did love his son something fierce. If Josh looked to punish him for his sins, he sure succeeded.”
And maybe Josh had been trying to punish his family. He hadn’t wanted Jane anywhere near them. That hadn’t been her choice, though. She’d wanted family, and she’d wanted to know his, too, even if there was tension and bickering. People didn’t hatch from eggs, and she’d felt certain that she would have understood her husband better if she could have met the family that raised him. Maybe their marriage could have been a little bit easier, if she did. Here was her chance, apparently. A little late, but still a chance to understand the man she’d married.
Colt cleared his throat, and an awkward silence filled the kitchen. Jane gave the girls each another cracker to munch on, and she wondered if she’d made a mistake in coming here. This family had baggage and they’d be sorting through it now that Beau had passed away. She didn’t belong in the middle of this mess. Josh was gone, after all.
There was always that reserve credit card if she decided to stay in a cheap hotel.
Peg sighed. “I’m going to go set up one of the guest bedrooms. Can the girls sleep with you in a double bed?”
“This seems like a sensitive time for the family,” Jane said. “I can easily stay in town. Colt was kind enough to offer, but I can see that—”
“You think this is tense?” Peg asked with an abrupt laugh.
“A little...” Jane murmured.
“Jane, you’re the only connection we’ve got to Josh now. And maybe you’ll be able to give us some insights, too. You’re family. You’re very welcome here. I come across a bit harshly, or so I’ve been told. Is that it?”
“No, not at all...” Jane said. Now was not the time to admit to that.
“Now, about the sleeping arrangement for the little ones,” Peg said.
“Yes, I could have them sleep with me,” she conceded. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“Not at all.”
That prim, downturned mouth never changed expression as Peg headed out of the kitchen, leaving Jane and Colt alone with the little girls.
“I really did try to get Beau to call his son,” Colt said. “It was never my intention to get between them.”
“But you managed to,” she replied, raising her gaze. “I don’t want to get in the middle of this, and I have no interest in this ranch...but Josh felt completely abandoned by both of you. You ganged up on him.”
“Not the case,” Colt said, and his voice softened a little. “Josh hated ranching. He thought it was boring. He wanted excitement, and that wasn’t here with the cattle. He didn’t want this life, and ranching was in Beau’s blood.”
“And yours, it would seem,” she said.
“I’m not going to apologize for that,” he replied with a shake of his head. “I’m a cowboy to the bone. I love the early mornings, the physical work, the cattle, the smell, the rhythms of the seasons. This is the life I’ve always wanted, and I’m not going to pretend it means less to me than it does.”
“Josh didn’t like that stuff,” she admitted. “I know that. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pick a fight with you.”
“For Beau it was about the ranching legacy,” Colt said.
“Josh was his son,” Jane said quietly. “He wanted to be his father’s legacy. Not some land.”
Colt met her gaze for a moment, then nodded. “I know. You’re right. Like I said, I never meant to get between them. Beau and I might have had the ranching in common, but we butted heads about everything else. He was a stubborn man.”
“Peg joked about Beau trying to get you married, though,” Jane said. “It sounds like you two were pretty close, in spite of it all.”
“Getting me married,” Colt said with a short laugh. “That would be ironic. I’m not the marrying kind, and Beau knew that. From what I can see, marriage is a piece of paper—nothing more.”
Jane looked at him, curious, but afraid to ask. Where Colt stood on the idea of marriage really wasn’t her business.
“Look, this family has its own set of problems,” Colt went on. “My aunt died in a swimming accident when Josh and I were teenagers, but Sandra and Beau were never happy. They fought constantly, and my family hated Beau for obvious reasons.”
“Obvious?” she said.
“He was a jerk to her, and everyone knew it. But Sandra gave as good as she got. Those two could barely stand each other.” He sighed. “I can’t point out too many happy couples in this family.”
Colt was bitter—that much was obvious. But she didn’t agree with him. “Marriage is more than a piece of paper. I’ve been married. I know what those vows mean.”
“No offense, but I don’t see it.”
“Commitment matters,” Jane countered with a shake of her head. “There is a difference between staying together for a lifetime because you chose it at the beginning, and staying together because you just didn’t break up yet. To be able to promise to stand by each other, no matter what—”
“People can promise that without the ceremony. Do you think a piece of paper makes those promises any stronger?” he retorted.
“Maybe not the paper, but the vow before God should,” she said. “In my experience there’s a vast difference between a boyfriend and a husband.”
Jane had stood by her husband. If it weren’t for those vows, she might not have had the strength. Vows mattered.
Colt eyed her for a moment, then sighed. “I’m not saying that good marriages
