It wasn’t the church people who had spread the nasty rumors about her in her senior year. Back then there weren’t too many young people who attended regularly, anyway.
“My uncle said I was a Christian, and that sounded right to me, somehow. He didn’t mention me being all bitter about church or anything.”
Olivia shrugged. “Keep in mind, I didn’t know you as well after you got married, so things might have changed. Mia loved being involved with church, and you loved Mia, so...”
He frowned, as if considering that for a moment. “I remembered someone last night.”
Someone, not something.
“Did you?” Olivia looked over at him hopefully. Was it coming back now? Sawyer held Bella in one arm and was attempting to get a dress over her head with the other. “Who?”
“Mrs. Willoughby. My Sunday school teacher from when I was little.” He stopped the slow-motion wrestle with his daughter.
“Anything about her specifically?” Olivia asked.
“Just her teaching us a Bible passage. Nothing more. Nothing else connected, just...that.”
Sawyer managed to get the dress over Bella’s head this time around, and he let out a chuckle of victory.
“Mom kept trying to get my brother to go to church, too,” she said.
“He isn’t a Christian?”
She shook her head. “He hasn’t stepped foot in a church since Mom stopped forcing him as a kid.”
“How long since you’ve seen him?” Sawyer asked.
“I came back to take care of my mom for a few weeks before she died five years ago. That was the spring before your wedding. By the time she found out she was sick, the cancer was really advanced, and there wasn’t much time left. After my brother and I scattered her ashes, I went back to Billings. I wanted my brother to come with me, but he wouldn’t. He said there was no point. A job in the city or a job in Beaut—it was all the same to him. He’d wanted to start his own mechanic shop, but there wasn’t any money for that, and the hospital debt really did a number on both of our credit scores when we missed some payments. And there I was with my nursing job and my education...he was just mad, I guess. At everything. He’d just lost his mother too. I figured some time would heal the wounds. It hasn’t so far.”
“So you haven’t seen him since then?” Sawyer clarified.
“No. Not since then. I tried making plans to have Christmas together, stuff like that, but he didn’t want to. He always used the excuse that he was working, but I knew it wasn’t that. Every time we talked, he was a little bit angrier. And I got defensive... I mean, it wasn’t my fault! When I went off to college, we weren’t planning on Mom getting sick. It wasn’t fair to blame everything on me, as if I could control it. But maybe that was part of his grieving. I don’t know.”
Sawyer finished with Bella’s dress and then reached for Lizzie. He grabbed a matching pink dress and began a balancing act with the second toddler.
“Was I around?” Sawyer asked.
“When Mom died?” Olivia asked.
“Yeah. We were friends, you said. Was I there to lend a hand at all?”
“It was the spring before your wedding,” Olivia explained. “You and Mia were busy with your own stuff, but you guys helped out as much as I’d let you.”
“That’s good...” He looked up at her, and his eyes widened in sudden recognition. “The black coat...”
“What about it?” Olivia came over and helped to navigate Lizzie’s grabbing hands into the armholes of the little dress.
“It’s been bothering me,” he said. “At first I could just remember the coat, and then I remembered it was on a mucky, snowy day. It was cold and wet. I was standing on a sidewalk, I think. And there was this woman standing ahead of me in a black coat. I put my hand on her shoulder, and she turned back, and...”
Olivia’s heart skipped a beat. She remembered it, too, now—standing on that sidewalk with the slushy snow coming down.
“...it was you,” Sawyer said. “But you’d been crying. And...”
“And?” she whispered.
“I remember it now. I wanted to hug you. To try and make you feel better. I don’t remember the context, though.”
Olivia nodded sadly. “I do remember that. You saw me in town, and I hadn’t told you yet that Mom had passed, although you knew it would happen soon. I hadn’t told anyone. Brian might have... I don’t know. I was in a bit of a fog.”
It was a few years ago now, but remembering those aching, heartbroken days was still difficult.
“Did I hug you?” he asked uncertainly.
“No.” She licked her lips. She knew exactly why she hadn’t let him hug her. He’d moved toward her, and she’d pulled back. They’d agreed not to touch each other anymore—no more hugs, or nudges. It hadn’t been appropriate, and while a death in the family might be an understandable excuse to lift the ban, she hadn’t wanted to.
“Oh...” Sawyer nodded. “Look, I know this is going to sound a bit weird, but could I hug you now?”
Olivia blinked up at him, surprised.
“It was a while ago, Sawyer,” she said, forcing what she hoped was a natural-sounding laugh. She tugged Lizzie’s dress down. “I’m okay now. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I know, but I don’t have many memories rattling around in my head, and that’s one of them. It’s kind of uncomfortable—disjointed, lonely. If I could hug you now, it might make me feel better.” Sawyer put Lizzie down on the floor with her sister, and then looked up at Olivia, those dark eyes meeting hers almost pleadingly.
“Oh...” Olivia shrugged. If it was for him, and not for her... “I guess that would be okay.”
Sawyer looked down at her uncertainly for a moment. She met his gaze, wondering if maybe he’d change his mind, but
