“Sometimes Gott gives us some grace in the middle of our consequences,” Patience replied.
And that was what Rue had turned out to be—the most generous gift Gott could have given him, in the form of one little girl whom he hardly deserved.
Rue stirred a little in her sleep, and Thomas pushed himself to his feet, then held out a hand to Patience.
“Let’s let her rest,” he suggested.
Patience accepted his hand and he tugged her to her feet as well, and as they walked the few yards to the creek bank, he kept her hand in his. Her fingers were soft, and the contact with her felt natural in the moment. He turned to look back at Rue, and Patience leaned into his arm. It was an innocent enough movement, but it reminded him of just how close she was, and he dropped her hand then, and slid his instead around her waist.
She felt good there next to him, his arm around her, her face leaned against his shoulder, and looking down at her, he didn’t know why he’d been holding himself back all this time. She was beautiful, insightful, kind...
“Patience,” he murmured.
She lifted her cheek from his shoulder and looked up at him, and when her gaze met his, he felt like the rest of the field and trees, the creek and the twitter of birds all seemed to evaporate around him. It was just the two of them—this beautiful woman who had tumbled into his life, and himself. His stomach seemed to hover in the center of him, and he swallowed. She was beautiful, but it was more than that... Looking down at her, he was feeling a tumble of emotion that he couldn’t even name. But it felt good, and scary and—he just wanted to be close to her. She met his gaze easily enough, and without thinking better of it, he leaned in, wondering if she’d pull back, but she didn’t. Instead, her eyes fluttered shut, and as his lips covered hers, he let out a sigh of relief.
That kiss felt like the culmination of everything he’d been longing for, and when they pulled back and he opened his eyes, he saw Patience staring up at him in surprise.
“Oh...” she breathed.
He couldn’t help but grin. “I’ve been thinking about doing that for a little while now.”
“We shouldn’t do that,” she whispered.
“You didn’t want that kiss?” he asked. Because it had felt like she did. If he’d gotten that wrong, he’d feel terrible.
“No, I wanted it,” she said, and pink infused her cheeks. She pulled out of his arms. “But we can’t.”
But why not? They were both single and Amish. They both seemed to be feeling something here—unless she was still uncertain about him because of his family... Or was it her own history?
“Is it the man you left behind?” he asked.
“No...” She shook her head. “Thomas, I’m not the wife for you.”
“How do you know?” he asked. Was it his history? His parents? His daughter? Was he not Amish enough for her, after all? All the possibilities tumbled through his head.
“You want marriage and kinner and a houseful of life,” she said.
“Yah. Of course,” he said, and he smiled faintly. “Don’t you?”
“Thomas, I can’t have kinner.”
Her words hit him in the stomach, and he frowned slightly, trying to make sense of it. “What?”
“I had surgery that left me...unable to have children. I’ll never get pregnant. I’ll never have babies of my own.”
Thomas licked his lips, this new information clattering through his mind. “Never?”
“Never.” Her voice shook. “I don’t tend to announce these things, but I should have said something earlier...before this.”
“It isn’t your fault,” he said. “I kissed you. Not the other way around.”
“Still, we can’t do that again,” she said. “You don’t just want a family, you need one. Rue needs one! And you’ll need a woman who can give you that family and fill your house with babies and laughter.”
She was right—he did need that family, but it didn’t change how he felt when he looked at Patience, or when he thought of her. She’d seeped in through the cracks somehow.
“I can’t help how I feel about you,” he said at last.
“We should try, though,” she replied, and she met his gaze earnestly. “We really need to try.”
And somehow, the serious glint in her eye, the pink in her cheeks and her complete intention to shut down whatever this was sparking between them made her even more beautiful to him. Because she wasn’t just an attractive woman, she was a good woman...and that appealed to him most of all. Her beauty sank right down to her core.
“Yah,” Thomas said nodding. “I’m sorry. I won’t kiss you like that again.”
She shrugged sadly. “It’s no use breaking our hearts over something that will never work, is it?”
“Not really,” he agreed.
“You’re a good daet,” she said, and her voice caught in her throat. “You deserve to be a daet many times over.”
That had been his dream for a long time—a wife and kinner of his own. He’d wanted to be ready to be a good daet—to mature into it. But the woman he’d have those kinner with had stayed a misty blur in his imagination. Suddenly, she seemed to be taking shape—but Patience couldn’t be that mamm to his kinner.
“Have I ruined things between us?” he asked. “By kissing you, I mean. Can we still be friends after that?”
Patience shrugged, but a smile tugged at her lips. “I could forgive it.”
Thomas was relieved to hear that, because he didn’t want to send her out of his life, either. He wanted her insights, her presence, her advice. And maybe she was right about a romance not working between them, but she was still an exceptional woman.
“Then I’ll curb whatever this is I’m feeling,” he said.
“Me, too.”
Those words made his heart skip a beat, because it meant
