Across the tent, the women’s side of the service faced the men’s. A couple of single women were looking at him with undisguised interest. He was in need of a wife, and that little detail would have made it into many a kitchen in their community before anyone ever spotted him at service. But he couldn’t summon up any interest in other women. The only one he was looking for as he scanned the familiar faces was Patience, and he finally spotted her sitting next to Hannah Kauffman near the front.
Patience caught him looking at her and smiled slightly. What was it about her that made him feel better just by a tiny smile like that one?
“Daddy,” Rue said, her voice rising loudly above the murmuring of settling people.
“Shh.” Thomas winced and bent his lips down to her ears. “You have to whisper and be very quiet. And please... Call me daet.”
“That boy has a feather,” Rue whispered loudly.
“Rue.” He tapped her leg. “Shh.”
Rue settled in quietly, but the boy in question turned around, looking at her in open curiosity. His own daet tapped his shoulder and he turned back. The feather was confiscated.
The singing started, and Rue was amply drowned out by several hymns, but by the time an elder stood up to pray, Rue was drumming her feet against Thomas’s shins and wriggling to get a more comfortable position. She wasn’t used to this, and he couldn’t blame her, but compared with all the other kinner sitting quietly next to their parents on either side of the service, her unruliness stood out.
Would it be appropriate to bring her over to Patience? Would Patience be any better at calming this child than he was? But Rue wasn’t Patience’s obligation. She was just the teacher next door... And he was Rue’s daet. She was his to raise and guide, and to figure out.
Noah tapped Rue’s leg and then passed her a hard candy. Noah had thought of pocketing a few candies? Even Thomas hadn’t thought of that. He shot his brother a grateful smile as Rue noisily unwrapped the candy and popped it into her mouth.
By the time the first preacher stood up to speak in German, Thomas knew he was beat. She couldn’t understand anything that was being said, and even if she could, it would all be far too complicated for a four-year-old to grasp.
He caught Patience’s gaze on him, and he shook his head slightly, letting her know all was well. He couldn’t keep leaning on her—it wasn’t fair to either of them.
“Come, Rue,” he whispered, and he eased off the bench and carried her out of the tent. When he looked back, Noah and Amos were watching him, but they both looked as helpless as he felt.
He was a single daet to an Englisher... How was he going to do this?
A few women had some small children playing on a blanket outside the tent.
“Would she like to come play here?” one of the women asked in German.
But Rue didn’t speak German, and she didn’t obey terribly swiftly, either. Suddenly, leaving her to play with other Amish children felt like it was setting her up for failure. The women would talk about her afterward—the little girl who spoke only English and didn’t obey. He didn’t want that. Things had already gone wrong with the Smoker family.
“Thank you, but we’ll be fine,” he said.
Another time, when Rue was more settled maybe. When she’d picked up some German and saw what kind of behavior was expected of the kinner here. He’d wait until the people wouldn’t judge her harshly, because while there would be kind people who wouldn’t, there would be others with less patience of an Englisher child, and he wasn’t sure which would be which just yet.
Thomas had been looking forward to seeing Patience today, to spending a little time with her... But maybe it was better to go early. People would start jumping to conclusions, and it would only complicate things. Besides, he wasn’t going to be able to hide his feelings for her—he was too tired to manage it. Patience deserved a chance to settle into the Redemption community, free from the taint of the Wiebe men.
“Where are we going, Daddy?” Rue asked as he carried her toward the buggies.
“We’re going home,” he said.
“How come?”
“Because—” He looked over at her, wondering how to explain the tumble of emotion, his fears, his caution, his exhaustion... “Because I want to.”
“Okay.” It seemed to be a good enough answer for her, but it wasn’t a good answer. Amish looked to their communities to help them through difficult times, and he was pulling back, much like his mamm had done when her husband passed away and she’d needed support the most. Was he more like his mamm than he liked to admit, too?
The problem was, he didn’t want the community’s support—he was longing for one woman, and he knew better than to allow his ever-so-observant neighbors to witness that.
Gott, make me a better father. I feel like I’m failing already.
Chapter Eleven
Patience saw Thomas leave the service, and she followed him with her gaze until he disappeared outside the tent. She shouldn’t feel so drawn after Thomas and Rue—they weren’t hers to worry over—but she couldn’t help it. Did he need help with Rue? Should she go out and see?
But there were several women on the bench between her and freedom, and she’d only draw more attention if she had to get past them. So she tried to focus on the service and waited to see if Thomas would come back.
He never did. One sermon turned into singing, and then there was a second sermon. And she did her best to listen to
