Everything seems to go still, and Bailey stiffens. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me. They went to the same high school. I guess the same one that you did, and a couple years ago at a party Juno dared my brother to drink, and she got him to drink so much that he got alcohol poisoning and nearly died. I haven’t touched alcohol since and neither has he. The promise we both made to each other after almost losing him. And I take my promises seriously.
“So yeah, I’m fucking pissed that I ever touched the woman that almost killed him.”
Bailey looks at me, blinking slowly, and her face doesn’t contain the shock or anger that I expected it to. “John is your brother?”
“I’m guessing you’ve heard the story.”
She shakes her head. “Yeah of course I have. I was just talking about it the other day. Juno didn’t have anything to do with your brother drinking. I think she threw up the first time she tasted beer and hasn’t had any since.” Bailey runs a hand across her face. “Who told you she was responsible?”
“Taylor Thomas.”
Now Bailey looks anger. “Fucking hell. Of course it was Taylor. Look, Juno didn’t make your brother drink anything. She called the ambulance that saved his life. Taylor begged her not to so that she wouldn’t get into trouble for hosting the party, and she did it anyway. Taylor has never forgiven her for it.
“She was so broken up about the fact that John was maybe hurt that she brought flowers to the hospital just to see if he was okay, even though she didn’t really know him.”
My whole body is numb, and I feel weak. “Tell me you’re lying.”
“Trust me, I’m not,” she says. “She told you about her aunt?”
“Yeah,” I say, voice rasping.
“Her aunt had just died. That was fresh. The only reason she was even at the party was she went with a pseudo-boyfriend who was a bad match and thought that getting her to a party would help.”
I huff a laugh. “I’m betting that didn’t work.”
“No. It didn’t. But if he hadn’t gotten her to that party, your brother might actually be dead. So get the fuck off your high horse and own the fact that you screwed up. Massively.”
Oh, fuck.
The guilt and regret falls onto me like those two-ton weights in the cartoons. I crouch down on the balls of my feet, unable to stand. “Oh shit.”
“Yeah. Asshole.”
“I’ve got the picture, Bailey, thanks.”
I didn’t ask her anything. I automatically assumed that she was guilty. Because I was still so angry about almost losing John that I couldn’t see straight. It’s possible that I haven’t forgiven him for doing that to himself.
And I accepted it as truth from Melody’s sister. I knew what Melody was capable of, and I believed it anyway. I was so…blinded by everything. It all made sense.
“She told me that Juno loved dares. That that was the reason she came to Granite House.”
“Oh, it was a dare, but the only reason she did it was because Juno had this idea of having a kind of sisterhood, and the Tri Deltas are a good kind of club for that. From the outside. She was scared out of her mind and it was like pulling teeth to even get her to put on the dress.”
Yet another lie.
All the pain that I’d been going through the last days was nothing compared to this. That look that I’d put in her eyes was real and completely unwarranted. I fucked up on a truly colossal scale, and I didn’t know if there was a way to come back from it.
Because I did love her. It resonated so deep that I felt it vibrating. I loved Juno Dennard, and I wanted her. I had wanted her even when I was angry. I had been furious that the universe could bring us together only so that it could tear us apart yet again.
“What do I do?” I ask Bailey. She’s Juno’s best friend, and probably a good place to start.
“I would start with an apology. A big one. Ginormous. Colossal. Huge.”
“Yeah. But I doubt that will be enough.”
She hesitates. “As much as I want to put your balls through a fucking meat grinder for hurting Juno, she was happy with you. And even though this was a fuck-up the size of Mars, it was a mistake. Juno knows what a snake that Taylor is. I can’t promise that it will be enough, but it’s worth a shot.”
She finishes packing the clothes that she came for. “Good luck, Malcolm.”
It sounds like she actually means it. As soon as she leaves, I start to think. Because I have a lot to make up for.
20
Juno
I’m eating cereal in the dining hall again. I shouldn’t be, but I’ve found myself seeking out comfort food more often than not these last few days. Focusing has been beyond my reach, and I can feel my grip slipping on everything.
My homework has been bad. I only got a passing grade on my most recent test, and I hate it. None of this was in my plans. I don’t even know who I am right now. I’m not the girl who lets a man affect her this way.
I have goals, and those goals aren’t dependent on who I’m sleeping with. I need to get my shit together and pull myself out of this funk. But every time I close my eyes, I hear Malcolm’s voice saying, You are nothing.
You are nothing.
It haunts me and I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe. Bailey has been amazing, getting my things and making sure that I’m going to my classes, but she can’t live my life for me. I have to do that, no matter how painful all of this is.
I haven’t even gone to student services again to see about getting another room, and Bailey has gone back to Granite House to get me more clothes, but
