“I was just feeling feline. Can’t a girl get her purr on if she wants to?”
“Parker asked you to wear that, didn’t he?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“He’s always been your catnip. I thought you’d built up some immunity. Clearly not.”
“Shut up and zip me.”
I step into the room and do so. I feel it’s my brotherly obligation to point out that her earrings are now all wrong, and that she better resist the urge to wear cat-print shoes, since that would cross the line between fancy and Cat Fancy. Our invitation definitely requested the former, not the latter.
“You better be careful when you say that—they can hear you,” Ilsa warns. I wonder at first if she means our guests. Then I realize she means the cats on her dress. “They come to life when you’re sleeping. And they have claws.”
“And thank you for tonight’s nightmare!” I chirp.
“By the way, what are you doing here? Why’d you leave the party?”
“To help you with your dress, clearly.”
“Evasion! Let’s try this again. Why’d you leave the party?”
“Because Jason is here. And he’s already established himself as my ex. I thought the water had gone under the bridge, but instead it’s turned acidic and is trying to pull the bridge down.”
“You invited him. Not me.”
“I wasn’t accusing. I just thought things would be…better.”
Ilsa sighs. “Well, the night is still young. I don’t think Jason will get any less tedious as the night goes on, but maybe you’ll at least appreciate that he was way too safe for you.”
I don’t want to have this conversation again.
“I should go back,” I say. Especially since it’s highly likely KK has commandeered the festivities in our absence.
“Before you do, can you unzip me and tell Parker he needs to come back and zip me up?”
“Ilsa…”
“It’s all about the summoning. In fact, don’t unzip me—but tell him he has to come back and zip me anyway.”
I know I should be relieved. I know that not-so-secretly I’ve wanted my best friend and my sister to be on better terms. To make my life easier, and for other reasons, too.
But now I’m starting to wonder.
Having been given my assignment, I know there’s no point in trying to get any more from Ilsa. So I go back to the piano room.
“Where are the chips?” KK asks instantly. “I was told there would be chips.”
I don’t think KK has eaten a potato chip in her life.
“Do you need any help?” Li asks.
“Parker, my sister needs help with her dress,” I say.
Parker’s eyebrow rises. “Is that a request or an order?”
“It’s an orquest. A reqder.”
He picks up his drink. “I think I’ll be needing this where I’m going.” Then he heads down the hall.
“Fool,” Jason mutters.
“Thus spoke the pot of the kettle,” KK observes.
“Ahem.” It’s Caspian who clears his throat. “Can I help you get the chips?”
“Can you even eat?” KK asks.
“Sure.” I say this to Frederyk, but he gestures down to Caspian, so I direct my next words to the sock. “This way.”
We head into the kitchen. I find a bag of Kettle Chips in the pantry. Caspian, meanwhile, is taking a look at the sink.
“If you have a wrench, I can fix this,” he says.
“Which one is a wrench?” I reply. Caspian stares at me unnervingly. “It’s a joke,” I explain. I retrieve the tool kit from the laundry room…but don’t know whether to put the wrench in Caspian’s mouth or Frederyk’s other hand. I’m too scared to do the wrong thing, so I just set the whole box down next to the sink.
“Just one thing before I start,” Caspian says. “I know why your sister brought me here—but I just want to confirm it.”
“Okay,” I say. I honestly have no idea why Ilsa invited him.
“Be honest with me—she wants to set me up with her friend, doesn’t she?”
Her friend.
For a minute, I don’t get it. Then I hear the buzz saw of her voice from the other room, and see how it translates to music in Frederyk’s head.
KK. He means KK.
He thinks my sister is setting him up with KK.
And he is totally into it.
seven
ILSA
I remember it like it was yesterday: the first dinner party that Czarina allowed Sam and me to attend. We were eight. In the weeks before the party, Czarina relentlessly schooled us on proper etiquette:
1. Don’t invite only people who already know each other. Choose guests from different backgrounds, and preferably include someone who’s a little bit bigoted in some way but doesn’t know it, to keep conversation lively. Mix it up.
2. Make each guest feel welcome, and like they’re the most delightful person in the room, even if that means being insincere.
3. Serve delicious food, but don’t reach too high trying to create culinary masterpieces. Go with classics you know will be hits. This is not the time to try to make a soufflé.
4. If the dinner is terrible, all is not lost. Wine fills the well of disappointment.
5. Keep your guests’ drinks topped off. ALWAYS.
6. Dessert is the most important course. DON’T MESS THAT UP.
It’s clear to me now what Czarina’s education neglected.
1. How to talk to a sock puppet.
2. How to feed a sock puppet.
3. How not to laugh in the face of a sock puppet.
Yet, Caspian would do Czarina proud as a guest. To everyone’s surprise except his, Caspian turns out to be the life of the party.
When Li Zhang emerges from Czarina’s bedroom wearing one of Czarina’s “schmattes”—a long, loose housedress that looks like an eggplant-colored muumuu—Caspian admiringly tells her, “Purple becomes you.”
Li Zhang blushes. “Thank you! And you were right. I do feel a lot more comfortable now that I’ve changed.” She glares at KK, sipping a martini triumphantly.
I’m pretty sure Caspian made the suggestion for Li Zhang to change into something of Czarina’s so KK could have
