Alex wore her blindfold during the service, but she pulled it off as she headed toward the bodies up front. The light was blinding, but she forced her way through it until it felt normal. Then she looked upon the dead who had fallen for the sake of Middang3ard.
At first, Alex didn’t recognize anyone, but that didn’t matter. They had all been living and breathing individuals with goals and fears and loves, and now they were gone. That was what mattered.
Then Alex’s eyes fell on Primerose. She was laid out with the cadets, her scales shimmering in the crystal light of the Nest. Her eyes were closed, a golden coin laid upon them like the rest of the dead. Her many arms were folded over her chest. She looked peaceful.
Alex leaned over and kissed her forehead. She didn’t know what else to do. She’d had no idea Primerose had been killed in the battle, and that knowledge rocked her to the core. Alex felt like she needed to sit down. It was all becoming too much.
Alex made her way back to her seat and watched the rest of the cadets pay their respects. She saw Gill, Brath, and Jollies make their way past the cadets and instructors they knew.
Once the living cadets had paid their respects, they returned to their seats. At the podium, Myrddin stood and cleared his throat as he wiped away his tears. “Even amongst the horrors we experienced, we will always have reasons to live, to celebrate, to continue forward,” he said.
“Bravery does not come easily and often is never commended. I would like to take a moment to do just that. Many of the people here are indebted to Alex Bound.”
Alex’s heart jumped in her chest. She stared at Myrddin, who was looking right at her. “Alex Bound,” Myrddin continued, “organized a party that rescued many of our cadets. She also freed our dragons and led the final stand against the Dark One’s forces.”
“She was accompanied by Jollies Dust, Gill Lowborn, and Brath Gimbel. These four individuals showed bravery and valor beyond their years.”
Myrddin started clapping, quickly joined by Roy and Toppinir and the rest of the instructors. The hall broke into cheers as the cadets stood up, clapping, and grabbed the four named cadets if they were close enough.
Someone hugged Alex tightly and thanked her. She didn’t know what to say or do. She just stood there blank-faced, trying to determine how she felt about what was going on around her.
“Alex the Boundless saved us!”
Alex didn’t know who had started the chanting. The hall was echoing her name.
Alex pushed the person who was hugging her away, then turned and ran out of the Great Hall.
Back in her room, Alex sat on her bed, trying to find words. She couldn’t understand why anyone would praise her. She had just done what she should have. And so many cadets had died. Who was she to be praised?
It hurt—all of it. There was nothing she could do about it.
Alex leaned over and clutched her stomach. A searing pain had started in her bowels and was working its way through her chest up to her throat. She ran to the bathroom in her dorm and knelt over the toilet.
Boundless—that was what they were chanting, the name she used in VR. But this wasn’t VR. Nothing about this was virtual. It was reality, plain and simple, and the reality was too much.
Dead orcs flashed in Alex’s mind, her knife stabbing one of them—the knife that was still on her side. That knife had killed. She had killed. The Great Hall was full of dead cadets.
Alex’s body convulsed as she threw up. Stomach acid burned her throat as she coughed and tried to pull herself up. It didn’t work. Her legs were too weak, and her entire body was trembling.
The last few days (or weeks, she didn’t know) had finally caught up with her. Everything she had been pushing down, pretending it wasn’t driving her crazy, came bubbling up to the surface. It needed to be gone. She needed to get it out.
Alex pulled away from the toilet and cowered in the corner as she sobbed. She tried to keep herself from crying. This was her life now.
She caught her tears in her hand and held it out. Alex had never seen herself cry. Part of her wanted to look in the mirror to see what this pain looked like.
Alex heard the door of her dorm room open and close. She jumped at the sound, worried that it might be an orc running into the room before she remembered the battle for the Nest was over. There were no orcs. It was just her roommate.
It hardly took any time to wipe her tears off and compose herself. She stared in the mirror, finally seeing herself. There were bags under her eyes from not sleeping the night before.
Alex didn’t recognize her reflection, but she had only seen it a few times. Is this me, she wondered. Is this who I am?
Alex walked out of the bathroom. Jollies was waiting for her, a plate of food next to her. “I thought you might be hungry,” Jollies said without meeting Alex’s eyes.
Alex was hungry. She had forgotten how hungry she was. “Thank you,” she managed to say.
Jollies took a deep breath before speaking. “They were chanting your name,” Jollies whispered. “Alex the Boundless.”
Alex forked a piece of bacon into her mouth and assumed it was obvious she couldn’t talk because her mouth was full.
Jollies didn’t relent. “Is that weird? I mean, do you feel weird about all that? People? Just all of it?”
Alex looked up from her food. “Yeah, I do,” Alex admitted. “It doesn’t seem right. With all… With everything that happened. No one should be saying my name. All I did was try to help, and I didn’t. Not enough. Not nearly enough.”
Jollies fluttered over and landed on Alex’s shoulder. She nestled close to Alex’s ear. “I know,” she said. “They
