And then there was Nick. I could no longer deny the attraction between us, and yes, the affection. But every experience with him had been punctuated by uncertainty, confusion and misery. I didn’t need that either.
Maybe I’d been overly harsh with James. Maybe we did belong together.
But when I looked over at Nick, leaning on the bar, a fresh drink in hand, I wasn’t so sure. It was clear that I was in no position to make any life decisions right now.
‘James, I can’t discuss this at the moment,’ I said. ‘Can we just leave it until we—I—get home? We can talk about everything then.’
‘OK, baby,’ he said. ‘I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I love you. I can’t wait to see you again.’
‘Bye, James.’ I hung up.
Nick returned to the table, but I couldn’t meet his eyes.
‘Changed his mind again, has he?’ There was an edge to his voice as he asked the question.
‘Yes.’
‘Don’t tell me you’re actually going for it?’
I still couldn’t look at him. ‘Maybe. I don’t know.’
‘And what about the next time he freaks out and runs away? What then?’
‘I don’t think it’s going to happen this time,’ I said in a low voice. ‘He practically proposed to me.’
Nick’s fist slammed down on the table and the cutlery clattered together. I jumped, startled.
‘Oh, for fuck’s sake!’ he practically shouted. ‘You chicks are all the same. It doesn’t matter what a guy’s done to you in the past, all he’s gotta do is mention the M word and you’re all his. It’s pathetic.’
I tried to push aside my hurt at his harsh words. ‘You might have noticed I haven’t actually made any decisions yet. But there’s no need for you to be angry with James. He’s your best friend. He apologised for the misunderstanding. I think he’s over it.’
‘He’ll never be over it,’ Nick said bitterly. ‘He’s always had a hang up about you and me. Just because I got there first.’
‘Oh, how mature. That’s bullshit! A one-night stand can hardly compare to a real relationship.’
‘No, hardly.’ Nick drained his glass and stood up. ‘Think I’ll call it a night.’
He stomped out of the restaurant before I could respond, leaving me sitting alone at the table with half a glass of beer, feeling miserable. What the hell was wrong with me? I had one guy telling me he wanted to marry me, and another who was jealous. Not to mention the rockstar who still seemed to have a thing for me. I was suddenly hot property, but all I felt was emptiness and a yawning sense of loss.
I tried to think rationally about my choices. Ford didn’t really figure in the decision. He could have been a pleasant fling if I’d been so inclined, but he wasn’t exactly a realistic option. I knew James. I’d been happy with him. We’d shared a comfortable life with no fireworks. Nick offered me intense physical attraction with plenty of fireworks but no guarantees. He’d probably go back to his sleazy ways as soon as we returned to Australia. And I’d be single and lonely, still trying to hang onto a house I couldn’t afford.
No. There wasn’t really a choice at all. Of course I would go back to James. What perfectly sane woman in my position would do anything different?
And yet, as I walked back to the hotel, I didn’t feel at all certain about my decision—or my feelings.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Ford still wasn’t answering his phone the next morning, and I was starting to get annoyed. I knew he was in a difficult position, surrounded by dangerous people he couldn’t trust, but he could at least send me a text to let me know what was going on.
As if to compound matters, Katrina called me as I was getting dressed.
‘What the fuck, Burrowes? You told me yesterday that you had most of the story.’
‘Today,’ I promised desperately. ‘I’ll finish it today.’
‘Too fucking late,’ she said. ‘You’ve been saying that every day, and still no results. Joy’s booking you and Nick on a flight home tomorrow. No story is worth the money I’m spending on this.’
‘But I’m so close!’ I pleaded. ‘Give me another day and I’ll get the story.’
‘Another day and next thing I know it’ll be next month. How long do you expect me to hang on waiting for you to grow into a real journo? You make sure you’re on that flight tomorrow, and if you don’t have a cracker story, don’t bother coming back to work.’
A deadly calm came over me. ‘No.’
Silence. ‘I’m sorry, what?’
‘I said no. I won’t turn up at the airport. Even if I have to pay my own way home, I’m not leaving here until I’ve finished this story. And if you don’t like it, you can shove your job up your arse.’
I hung up and flopped down on the bed with a mixture of elation and dread. I’d put my job on the line (well, more on the line than it already was), I was possibly going to die pursuing this story, but I’d stood up to my dragon boss, and it kind of felt good.
But as I lay there, the pressure of the job began to crowd in on me, and a shudder shook through my body every time I thought about facing Grady and his thugs. I had absolutely no idea what to do next. My first impulse was to talk to Nick, but after last night’s conversation I wasn’t ready to face him again just yet. So I took the coward’s way
