There was no way out of it. I wanted to just peacefully go to class and forget about everything, but with Zoe standing there looking like an overprotective sister, I was left with no other option. So I had to tell her everything that happened at the Poe party with Brandon.
“So you never actually told him about your mom, then? You just played sick and haven’t even spoken to him since?” Her tone was a mix of irritation and concern.
I sheepishly shrugged.
“Are you serious? Marissa, if you keep going like this, there will never be a right time, and you’re gonna push away someone who genuinely cares about you. Ugh, you wear me down sometimes, you know that?” She rolled her eyes at me.
A girl snuck up behind me. I almost shrieked before I got a good look at her face. It was Shay Parker, one of my former track teammates. “Oh, hi Shay.” Immediately, I felt nervous and I wasn’t even sure why.
“Hi, Marissa, hi, Zoe.” Shay searched through her bookbag before pulling something out. “So, Marissa, I’ve been looking for you ‘cause I have something to give you. Well, we, the track team have something to give you.” Her hand shook as she handed me something.
I looked at the pamphlet in hand. “What’s this?”
“I don’t want to, like, make you uncomfortable or anything.”
Shay was fidgeting so much I wondered if she had to go to the bathroom. She was in the right place for it if she did.
I looked at the pamphlet in my hand, but all I could focus on were the words Breast Cancer.
“There’s a race, a week from Saturday. The whole team is running in it. Coach Moore started a collection of donations and stuff. All the proceeds go to breast cancer research and education. We were all kind of hoping you might want to run too, like, for your mom.” She couldn’t look me in the eyes; her gaze rested firmly on my chin.
Hot acid formed at the back of my throat.
“If you want to run too, you just have to go online and register. It has to be by, like, Friday, though. I know it’s kind of last minute. Coach Moore gave it to me a few weeks ago, but we wanted to get more donations raised before talking to you. You know how much we all miss you on the track team.”
They did?
“Just promise you’ll, like, think about it. Okay?” She gave me a tentative little hug, which I did not reciprocate, and left.
What was I supposed to say? For over a year, I hid my mom’s death and her illness from anyone that I met. Now, the girls’ track team wanted me to run in a race that would signify that I was personally affected by breast cancer. People would ask why I was running. Was I running in honor of someone? Who was I running for? I mean, this was like waving a big red flag, correction — a big, pink flag — promoting that I was connected to the disease. People would know. They would pity me.
“Zoe...” My mouth was open but I was unable to form more words. I shook my head back and forth.
“Shut up,” she said.
“What?”
Zoe crossed her arms tightly. “I said, shut up. You’re going to do this race. You’re going to use this as the perfect way to tell Brandon about your mom and your life and the massive effect it’s had on you! And you’re finally, and I mean finally, going to get this stupid monkey off your back!”
I didn’t want this. All I wanted to be was normal. Was it too much to ask that I wanted to be like most teenagers? Hating school, enjoying shopping, thinking about prom and college. The last thing I wanted to be was a spokesperson for breast cancer. Maybe I was being selfish, even stupid, possibly pathetic, but it was my mom who died, no one else’s. Mine.
“Sweetie.” Zoe took me by my shoulders now. “Your mom died of breast cancer, but you weren’t the cause of it. Stop carrying her disease around with you. It’s time to free yourself.”
Wow. Where had those words come from? Zoe sounded like… like my mom. The sniffles started first, and then my bottom lip began to quiver. As I cried in Zoe’s arms, I promised that I would do the race. I would run. For my mom, and… for me.
The bell rang, and we both wiped away our tears. Zoe gave me one last quick hug in the hall before rushing off. I was so lucky to have her. So grateful that I had a friend like Zoe that knew me and understood me.
Just before my English class started, I got a text message from Brandon. Hope ur feelin better got a surprise for u :)
My heart beat erratically as I texted back, Tnks tlk soon
My last class of the day had arrived. English. It took effort to concentrate on Fahrenheit 451. Most of the time I loved reading, but something about studying a book about a crazed firefighter who fills his hose with kerosene and uses it to burn books is just weird. And half the characters in the book are portrayed as half-alive and half-dead. I guess it hits too close to home for me, and maybe that was why I don’t like it. When life was simpler, I used to take joy in the little things, like the way fallen leaves would crunch when I’d jog over them in autumn. Or the way the air smells just before it rains or snows. The way the lake water sparkles with the setting sun. Since my mother died, I ran while wearing headphones instead of hearing the outside sounds. While doing homework I liked to have the television on
