His blush deepened. “You think so?”
I nudged him. “There’s only one way to find out for sure. Ask her.”
“But, Mal, what about you?”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m actually relieved. I knew it was time to end things …” I sucked in a breath. “But I didn’t want to hurt you, either. I’m fine. More than fine.” I smiled at him to prove it.
We sat for a few minutes in amicable silence, watching passersby, lost in our thoughts and memories. “You know,” Ethan said, “I thought you were starting to like somebody else, too.” He studied my face. “You and Lanz? Am I right?”
It was my turn to blush. “Maybe, but …” I swallowed. “We got into a fight, and now we’re not talking to each other.” My voice wobbled, and Ethan gave my hand a brief squeeze.
“Want to tell me about it?”
He said it so openly that seconds later, I was spilling the whole story, as if I was talking to a best friend, which, I realized I was. As I finished, Ethan’s cell rang, and I saw Eve’s name on the screen.
“Take it.” I shouldered my schoolbag. “I’ve got to get to rehearsal anyway.”
“I’ll call her right back.”
We stood up, both of us seeming unsure of how to bring our talk to an end. Then, because I didn’t want to regret not doing it later on, I threw my arms around him in a hug. “Thank you,” I whispered. “For being a great boyfriend. And for being my first kiss.”
His arms tightened around me. “We’ll stay friends.”
I nodded, even though I knew there’d be a while when we kept our distance, not out of any hard feelings, but to let each other breathe and figure things out. We’d come back to the friendship eventually.
I pulled away, turning toward the conservatory’s door. “See you at school.”
Ethan headed down the sidewalk, already refocused on his phone, probably dialing Eve’s number. Then, just as I was about to step inside, he called my name, making me stop.
“Don’t give up on Lanz,” he said, making me blush all over again. “He’s into you.”
I wanted to believe him. But I didn’t know what to think.
Two hours later, I walked out of the conservatory, dripping with sweat. Rehearsal tonight had been grueling, and Signora Benucci had been especially unrelenting, demanding that I practice the grand jeté portion of the final dance over and over again, until my legs were shaking from the effort. I was performing several dances with my pas de deux partner, Will, and coordinating our timing and movements proved challenging, even though it was exciting, too. Will had already mastered each of our lifts, but my extensions and form still needed honing.
“You must stretch yourself,” Signora Benucci told me. “It’s not simply a jump. You are taking flight.”
It was hard to take flight with Violet glaring at me from the corner of the room, whispering to her friends. She wasn’t happy about me being cast as Cinderella, but with each passing rehearsal, I kept hoping she’d get over it. So far, that hadn’t happened, and her hard stares were taking their toll on my dancing.
As I walked down the street, my earbuds in, I was so preoccupied that I nearly slammed into Tilly.
“Malie,” she told me, arms crossed. “We have to talk!”
“Tilly,” I breathed in exasperation, and removed my earbuds. “I’m guessing you know that Ethan and I broke up.”
She tapped one foot against the concrete. “You bet your leotard I do. What are you doing?”
“It wasn’t just me who made the decision.” I started walking in the direction of the parlor, and she followed. “Ethan wanted it, too. We’ve been heading that way for a while.” I gave her a sideways glance. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. He’s fallen for Eve, and I’m—I’m—”
“Well, he can unfall for her,” she countered. “What about our foursome? It doesn’t work without you two.”
I stopped, taking in her creased forehead, her downcast eyes. “It’s not like we’re not going to hang out with you and Andres anymore. It’ll just be … different.”
She shook her head. “You should’ve left it alone. Things could stay the way they are.”
I stiffened. “You and Andres have each other, and you’re happy. Ethan and I have to find our ways, too. If Eve comes on board, we’ll be a fivesome, and if—if I find somebody else, then—”
“Lanz,” Tilly blurted. “You mean Lanz, right?”
“Lanz and I aren’t even talking right now!” I threw up my hands. “But you should be happy for me, no matter who I end up with. Or if I end up with nobody at all!”
“Maybe I would be, if you would actually talk to me, instead of keeping everything to yourself! You don’t say boo for weeks on end, and now I have to find out from Andres that my two best friends are breaking up.” She glared at me. “I always thought you could tell me anything.”
I stared at her, floored by the hurt in her face. “I—I’m sorry. But I didn’t know what I felt for the longest time. Or how to talk about it.”
“You could’ve tried me.”
“Tilly, come on. You know what you would’ve said.”
Tilly nodded. “What I’m still going to say! That you and Ethan belong together.”
I sighed. “You’re saying that because you don’t want anything to change.”
“Of course I don’t!”
I rubbed my temples. “What about what I want? What’s right for me? I’m so sick of everyone telling me what I can and can’t do!” I yelled these words loud enough that some people passing by on the sidewalk moved to give me a wider berth. “This is why I didn’t tell you before,” I added, trying to speak more quietly. “Because I was afraid of this happening. I—I can’t deal right now.” My voice broke, and I turned away.
If she called my name, I didn’t hear it. All I heard was Tchaikovsky booming through my earbuds, drowning out every other
