I make my way around the cubicles, eager to take another step back into the real world again. “Hey, Nora,” I say as I pass through her office doorway. “What are you in the mood for today? Soup and sandwiches? Chicken wings? Oh—” There’s a brown bag on her desk which I instantly recognize from her favorite Japanese takeout joint. “Sushi? I’m in.”
She launches out of her office chair. “Now!” she shouts.
The door slams behind me. I jump in surprise, spinning around to find Trix hiding there.
I blink. “What the what?”
They rush toward me, each taking me by an arm and pulling me toward the chair in front of Nora’s desk.
“We got her!”
“Sit her down!”
“We’re sorry, Mel.”
“Very super sorry!”
I don’t fight them. I sit down, awkwardly twisting my arms back as Nora pulls a pair of handcuffs from her blazer.
“O-kay...” I say. “This is a thing we’re doing now?”
Trix cuffs my hands together. “Is that right?”
“No,” Nora says, taking charge, “they have to be tighter or she’ll slip out.”
“What are you — ow!” I flinch as Nora tightens the cuffs, pinching the skin around my wrists. “This is very unpleasant.”
“I know it hurts, but really and truly, this is for your own good,” Nora says, standing in front of me.
“And what exactly is for my own good?”
Trix stands beside her. They both cross their arms and straighten their faces, looking far more serious than the situation requires.
“Melanie, honey,” Nora says with the voice of primary school teacher, “as we all know, tonight is your parents’ annual holiday party.”
“Right.” I nod, waiting for more. “And?”
“And the holidays, while a season of joy for most people, can be... harder for others, and we just want to make sure you will not do something... that you’ll regret.”
“Something… like?”
Trix clears her throat. “Well, you know, it’s the holidays and all.”
I squint, confused.
“They can drudge up old feelings,” she says. “Feelings for certain… ex-husbands, for example.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Is this an intervention?”
Nora nods. “An impromptu one, yes.”
“You jumped me and handcuffed me to a chair… because you think Christmas makes me horny for Robbie?”
“Yes.” She twitches. “But we brought you sushi! That makes it better, right?”
I sigh as I tug at my cuffs. “No, not really.”
Trix hums. “I told you to get the gyoza,” she says.
Nora cringes, regretful. “Yeah…”
“Guys.” I stare into their eyes. “I don’t need an intervention. I know you mean well, but this is more than a little unnecessary.”
Nora doesn’t budge. “Robbie has a great relationship with your parents and he will be at their party tonight, he told me himself.”
“I know,” I say. Nora’s brow furrows. I think fast. “My mom told me. She said that he’d be there. That’s how… I know that.”
“So, he will be there,” she says, her eyes growing even more worried.
“And?”
She deflates. “And since this is your first holiday season apart since the divorce, we...” She pauses, desperately elbowing Trix to help her out.
Trix steps forward. “We just want you to know that we have your back,” she says, obviously just along for the ride. This must have been Nora’s idea, possibly sprung by her brief conversation with Robbie. “We’ll run interference for you and keep Robbie far, far away. The two of you will never be alone together. It’s a big house. There are plenty of rooms he can lure you into and talk you into all sorts of unseemly things in your time of desperation.”
“Desperation?” I repeat, not happy.
“Reflection,” Nora corrects. “She meant reflection.”
Trix shakes her head. “Eh…”
I sigh. “I really appreciate the thought, I do, but nothing will happen now that Robbie’s sober. It changes nothing between us.”
“Are you sure?” Nora asks.
“… Yes.”
“Are you really sure?” she asks again. “At brunch this week, you seemed kinda...”
“I know,” I say. “Do you have any idea how long I waited for Robbie Wheeler to get his shit together?”
“We do, honey.”
“And now that he does…” I shrug. “Okay, yeah. Sure. I had a moment of reflection, but it passed and I’m good now.”
“You’re good?”
“Totally good.”
“So, tonight when he walks in there in his leather jacket and come-fuck-me St. Nicholas eyes, you won’t mount him like a reindeer?”
I blink twice, ignoring the wicked tickle below my belt. “Of course not.”
Trix steps back and sits on the edge of the desk, grabbing the to-go bag of sushi beside her. “I don’t buy it,” she says, ripping it open. “I think we should make her sit there a little while longer.”
“Agreed,” Nora says.
My head falls back. “Oh, come on…”
“We’re sorry, Melanie.”
“Really doubt that.”
“But you told us to do this.”
“No, I didn’t!”
“You told us to physically restrain you!”
“I’m a writer!” I argue. “It’s my job to use dramatic language, but I didn’t mean it.”
Trix plops a sushi roll into a cup of soy sauce. “Well, you brought this on yourself,” she says.
I sneer. “You’re pregnant! You’re not supposed to eat that.”
“Fully cooked imitation crab, bitch,” she says before smugly taking her bite.
With a groan, I lean back and glare at the ceiling.
I brought this on myself?
Let me count the ways.
Nineteen
Melanie
I stay a few paces behind the others as the five of us walk up the sidewalk toward my parents’ house. Over two dozen cars line the driveway, neatly parked by the two valet drivers they paid for the night. I shake my head, recalling the many fancy parties from my youth. Holidays and birthdays. Champagne and caviar.
I hated it.
“Wow,” Trix says, glancing upward. “Glenn really went all out with the lights this year.”
I passively nod, squinting beneath the blinding strings of lights attached to the house and surrounding bushes. “Uh-huh,” I murmur.
Lance twists his head around. “You grew up here?” he asks me.
“Unfortunately,” I answer.
He chuckles. “But you seem so normal.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, this...” Clive dawdles, obviously a little uncomfortable. “This was not what I expected.”
Nora tugs him along. “Glenn and Francie are the nicest people ever!” she says, soothing him.
